Rewards...

[AnKsMommy]

Alenya has been giving me a little bit of trouble whenever we would go grocery shopping. I think she gets bored, which is understandable for a toddler to spend about a half hour looking at food. So I told her that if she behaves she'll get one little packet of stickers. She behaved and got them! Everytime she would act up a little I would remind her and she behaved. Whenever we got to the stickers I let her pick out her packet and told her if she wanted to keep them she had to listen. It worked! I was so excited. Stickers are like 50 cents, so no big deal.

Something else I tried. Is this weekend we went without watching any of her long Disney movies. I would give her a half hour while I was making dinner and when that half hour was up she had to go play, paint, do something else. So this weekend as a reward for not crying whenever we didn't watch what she wanted I let her watch "Ariel" ....the little mermaid. It worked pretty well. When it was over she turned off the tv and said, "Okay, all done. Can I paint, now?" It was WONDERFUL!

Now I just have to get dh in on this....she acts totally different whenever she's just with him.

 

[jtee]

Now I just have to get dh in on this....she acts totally different whenever she's just with him.

AnKsMommy, she acts different in what way?

 

[AnKsMommy]

As in more bratty. He gives in to her more. She's a bit more whiney.

An example.

At daycare they told me she was whining a lot, so I told him about it and told him that he has to be more firm with her. Since I was working early and late the past few days he had to drop off and pick up the girls. They told me that they could tell a big difference in Alenya the past few days whenever they saw that my husband was more firm with her. She doesn't whine as much for them in the morning when he doesn't baby her so much. You know what I mean?

Something else...I came home and saw that the tv was on with a disney movie. I asked him and he said, "Why not? She hasn't watched any all week." So I was the bad guy whenever I turned it off half way. And she goes crying to him.

Her snacks. I give her a pack of juice gummies whenever we come home from daycare. We all came home at the same time and she'll go and ask him for more...and he'll give more to her. Where as I just give one.

If she wants something...even if she shouldn't have it...like his wallet, he gives it to her then complains when ever she doesn't give it back. I tell him don't give it to her in the first place or else he's going to confuse her with what she can and cannot have.

Wow, that's a lot huh? But yea...you see what I mean? Total daddy's girl! If I pick her up from daycare sometimes she'll cry and scream because I'm not daddy.

 

[Kaytee]

I do think it is normal behavior though.
I do agree that you should not always be the bad guy. Does he spend the same amount of time with her as you do? Thats the only thing I can think of. I let things slide with DH when he does this type of thing because he does not see her anywhere near the amount of time I see her.
Of course he is a smart man and when it comes time to watching movies, giving snacks and the such, he always asks me if its ok. Just to make sure I haven't already said no.
I think you and DH need to sit down and discuss this one on one.

 

[AnKsMommy]

We've talked about it before. He's doing better than before.

The reason he does this I think is because for the first half of Alenya's life he wasn't around. He deployed for half a year and then we both had military training for the other half of the year so she stayed with my parents. Whenever we came to Japan it was just the three of us. I had deployments I did and it was just him and her for a while.

I think another part of it is he just doesn't like to see her upset. He has a hard time being firm with her because he just wants to hold her and love her. Daycare, my friends, everyone I know says that she's got him wrapped around her finger...he admits it too.

It's really hard for him. Whenever I'm home he's good, but it's what he lets her do whenever I'm not home that makes me annoyed.

 

[Kaytee]

Well I can understand that. I would be annoyed too. I suppose all you can is just let him spoil her lol. As long as it does not go against what you said though. If you told her just one of something, and he comes in and gives her 3, then he needs to stop that. That is sending her a really bad message. It may be candy today but tomorrow it will be the party she wants to go to.

 

[ljmahr]

My dh does the same thing with our 2 1/2 yr. old. The fruit snack gummies yeah that is a big one. He does it so she won't scream. I just let her throw her fit and ignore her or sit her in a corner alone instead of giving in. He just doesn't get it! Of course he isn't with her all day everyday like me so that has something to do with it.