Son2 (28 yo on disability) is here for a month to save money and pay some debt. Son1 (with wife and 7 mo baby) planned to come this week for a week vacation from a very stressful year (relationship, business, 2 moves, new baby, lost job). Son2 is (has always been) very difficult to be around. Son 1 called to say he cannot happily spend a week here with his brother and his negative, disrespectful, and selfish ways. We want Son1, DIL and Grand baby, to come but we don't want to reject Son2 and tell him to leave while his brother will be here. Also some family friends are coming on the weekend for a group gathering, which makes it hard to tell Son2 he has to leave before the weekend. We can't seem to find a resolution. Not an easy one....
rock and a hard place...
- Thread starter grammagigi
- Start date
Gigi, this has probably been a problem for a long time. How have you all dealt with it to this point, other than avoidance?
Son2 has a disability, which doesn't excuse his behavior but it does offer an explanation, and often in adulthood, we can tolerate things that we understand to be out of someones control or at least caused by other issues. Tolerance is often greater when we realize they aren't doing it "On purpose".
The short answer to your long term dilemma is to suggest Son1 &Co. either show some tolerance...or perhaps stay in a local hotel. The longer answer is for you as a family to come to accept Son2's disabilities and not let them interfere as much with other family get togethers.
Son2 has a disability, which doesn't excuse his behavior but it does offer an explanation, and often in adulthood, we can tolerate things that we understand to be out of someones control or at least caused by other issues. Tolerance is often greater when we realize they aren't doing it "On purpose".
The short answer to your long term dilemma is to suggest Son1 &Co. either show some tolerance...or perhaps stay in a local hotel. The longer answer is for you as a family to come to accept Son2's disabilities and not let them interfere as much with other family get togethers.
Son 2 could come stay after the that weekend, which will allow Son 1 to come and stay for the week and will allow your family friends to stay the weekend.
If Son 2 has an issue, tell him tough and that your being nice enough to offer to help at all.
I don't know if Son 2 is on disability temporarily or permanently, not my business, but it sounds like his attitude towards family is that everyone revolves their plans around him. It's time to show him that cannot be the case.
If Son 2 has an issue, tell him tough and that your being nice enough to offer to help at all.
I don't know if Son 2 is on disability temporarily or permanently, not my business, but it sounds like his attitude towards family is that everyone revolves their plans around him. It's time to show him that cannot be the case.
Sad to watch when your kids don't get along. Of course, there is a lot of childhood history here with remnants unresolved. Family counselling was awesome in helping them to move forward, but they are not quite done yet. Son1 can't expend the energy with his brother during this vacation. We have found a resolution. Son2 will go back home with his roommate/friend after the weekend; this will give him the chance to visit with long-time family friends. Son1 will bring his family up one week later while brother has gone back home. Hopefully they will find time to resolve their issues so we can once again have some happy family times all together. Hopefully Son2 will grow into himself and look more positively at life, not be so quick to respond negatively...history there as well. Son1 and his wife are compassionate and understanding of brother's conditions and attitude, they have also helped him with counsel. This is just not the time for Son1 to spend his week vacation hashing out old problems with his bro. We are good listeners, and we feel what each of them is feeling - we understand and accept this. I really appreciate the feedback here, it helped us to see from the fence, rather than just from our own emotions and logic.
Much appreciated.
Much appreciated.