Should a father pay for a daughter's friend to go on vacation with them? The trip to Cozumel will cost about $3,000 per person. The daughter has only known her friend for about a month. She also wants her father to pay for another girlfriend's room and board, so they can share a room. Is this appropriate? Her father does well for a living, but he's far from being Daddy Warbucks.
Setting Limits...
- Thread starter Sayfia
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I am a bit puzzled as to how to answer your question.Lindengracht said:
What i mean is: are you asking if it's appropriate for the father to do this? Or if this is appropriate for the daughter to ask for this?
I know personally with my own income, that would be crazy, but then again, the daughter of Warren Buffet or Bill Gates might think otherwise.
As for the effect it might have on a child.. I guess it depends on the child's age and how she is raised about money... not sure where you are getting at.
Well I don't know your current financial situation but I certainly wouldn't feel inclined to pay 3 G's for someone my daughter has known for only a month to go on a vacation. Even if I was wealthy!
I would tell the daughter that if this friend wants to go to Cozumel, then she is going to have to pay her own way.
I would tell the daughter that if this friend wants to go to Cozumel, then she is going to have to pay her own way.
I would be more concerned as to why the daughter would even think to ask it...especially after only knowing the girl for one month. She seems to feel that she needs to buy this girls attention and friendship.
Or...perhaps the girl has no concept of money and/or deferred gratification. Unless they are very wealthy...the money spent on such a monetary burden (paying for friend) would have to be taken from some future event or pleasure for the family.
Another scenario is if the other girl had put the daughter up to it in the first place. That is a manipulator...she would be a poison to the family. She would have arranged the conversation to one of - us against them (the good adventurous down trodden girls against the old stingy oppressive parents).
Having said that the father is far from being rich...that means that some future need would have to be sacrificed for a temporarily experienced want. Perhaps meaning less could be invested for the daughter's education or from the parent's retirement.
You said "should" the father. I can tell you unreservedly...NO.
Should indicates an expectation. Even were the father wealthy...an expectation to provide for someone outside of the family is wrong on the face of it. That means even were he to pay for it...it would not warrant even a thank you...as it were an expectation...a right. There would not be any honor in doing so.
It is terribly wrong for the girl to have even asked for such a thing. The other girl's parents probably have no idea about the situation. Just to let their daughter go fully paid by someone else, teaches their daughter that it is alright to accept gifts with full knowledge that such a gift could never be returned. When a gift is accepted...it should imply that it is an obligation to repay in turn...in some way. That is the basis of social honor and personal responsibility.
Or...perhaps the girl has no concept of money and/or deferred gratification. Unless they are very wealthy...the money spent on such a monetary burden (paying for friend) would have to be taken from some future event or pleasure for the family.
Another scenario is if the other girl had put the daughter up to it in the first place. That is a manipulator...she would be a poison to the family. She would have arranged the conversation to one of - us against them (the good adventurous down trodden girls against the old stingy oppressive parents).
Having said that the father is far from being rich...that means that some future need would have to be sacrificed for a temporarily experienced want. Perhaps meaning less could be invested for the daughter's education or from the parent's retirement.
You said "should" the father. I can tell you unreservedly...NO.
Should indicates an expectation. Even were the father wealthy...an expectation to provide for someone outside of the family is wrong on the face of it. That means even were he to pay for it...it would not warrant even a thank you...as it were an expectation...a right. There would not be any honor in doing so.
It is terribly wrong for the girl to have even asked for such a thing. The other girl's parents probably have no idea about the situation. Just to let their daughter go fully paid by someone else, teaches their daughter that it is alright to accept gifts with full knowledge that such a gift could never be returned. When a gift is accepted...it should imply that it is an obligation to repay in turn...in some way. That is the basis of social honor and personal responsibility.
I agree with Shiroi...
I had many of the same thoughts but couldn't find a way to articulate them as nicely.
I had many of the same thoughts but couldn't find a way to articulate them as nicely.
It strikes me a little odd that the request was even made. As Shiroi Tora said it raises several questions.
But the one thing it suggests to me is a lack of communication about the realities of life & money within the family. I know many people do not talk about financial things very openly, but the things we do not teach our children have the capacity to bring them great harm.
Your child certainly does not need to know the specifics of your money situation/plans/etc. but they do need to understand the value of money in the sense of "opportunity cost" that is: what we give up to get the money to do the things we want to do and get the things we need to survive.
But the one thing it suggests to me is a lack of communication about the realities of life & money within the family. I know many people do not talk about financial things very openly, but the things we do not teach our children have the capacity to bring them great harm.
Your child certainly does not need to know the specifics of your money situation/plans/etc. but they do need to understand the value of money in the sense of "opportunity cost" that is: what we give up to get the money to do the things we want to do and get the things we need to survive.