SEXUAL EXPRESSION vs MISOGYNY...

[JustinF]

Hello, so I am a father specifically looking for serious advice from women/mothers (thanks anyway Dads). My daughter is currently a toddler and I obviously want to raise her to be everything she can and dreams to be. Though the world can obviously be a difficult place sometimes, especially for women. Here's what I mean by that:

I view the society we live in as rather misogynistic towards women, particularly in the way that they are disproportionately valued as sex objects. It seems that sex appeal is the default scale by which we value women. Perhaps my perception is skewed simply because I am a man, though I doubt many would disagree with me. With that in mind, I certainly don't want to have my daughter growing up thinking that she has to act hyper-sexual (as media often portrays them) just to be of value.

At the same time, I also don't want to make my daughter feel as if she should not feel free to express herself (even if it happens to be in ways that are sexually-oriented or at least sexually suggestive). Naturally I would limit her actions as a minor in my household to social norms/laws as well as what I feel appropriate). But aside from that, I don't want to inhibit or repress her sexuality or self-expression. After all, sex is a natural part of life. As a result, I often wonder where the sweet spot is between these two issues.

So my question to you (the women/moms) is: What would you suggest is an appropriate balance between allowing sexual self-expression and limiting misogynistic influence? Thank you for reading and for your feedback!

 

[TabascoNatalie]

I think its mysogynistic to suggest that females should be restricted to wear comfortable clothing or pursuing certain activities because they need to be 'protected'.

 

[cybele]

It is not misogynistic for a woman to choose sexual expression.
The misogyny comes in when a man chooses it for her.

 

[Vdad]

Where do you live, what's the culture?

 

[artmom]

I think mothers have been battling this out and figuring out how to guide their daughters, and sons, around the treacherous games the media presses onto society. And not just parents, but everyone who gives a darn.
I recommend Peggy Orenstein's book "Cinderella Ate My Daughter". She covers many areas on this very topic.

For a father, I would suggest being the example of how a man treats a female. 3 years old is a bit young for complicated topics, but you can talk with her on the basics. You can ask her what she thinks makes her a girl and what makes a boy and ask her why. And then wait for her to ask questions before giving your opinion. But you can ask her why she feels that way, in a just-asking tone, of course.

In my household, since my daughter is, well, you can see the age of my daughter to the left. I used to dress her like a fashionista until she was able to pick and choose her own outfits and dress herself. She had, what other people thought, an eccentric taste and she developed a very modest, conservative outlook on clothes and her body. Especially as she started to develop. She became self-conscious and, probably, ashamed of how she looks and wanted, still wants, to cover herself and not draw attention to her body. Or at least flaunt it.
We've had many conversations about loving her body the way it is and that she has nothing to be ashamed of. She can wear whatever she wants. If she's not comfortable showing off her figure or wearing short shorts that's perfectly fine, of course.
However, from what she has told me, her insecurities are not originating from her own head, but from the comments and stares she has heard from others, mainly older men. Ew.
She has heard a another dad make a Nikki Minaj's "Anaconda" reference to her while she was at a friend's house, whom she was not allowed to over to after that. That is just one example.
She's had to endure that type of referential harassment at school, too. One student asked why she has such a wide torso for a "white" girl. So, then I had to have that discussion with her, too.

I don't think it's an issue for just girls. I've noticed boys get bombarded with sexual expectations and body pressures.

As parents, we just have to remind ourselves that we may not always be the first voice in influencing our kids, but we can be the loudest and the most important voice to our kids.