Should I let my thirteen-year-old daughter listen to Lady Gaga?...

[Patrick]

Hi fellow parents,

My name is Patrick and together with my wife, Cynthia (also on this forum), I try to give my children a good upbringing. We all go things together several times a week, like church events, and I feel that everything is going well.

Unfortunately, an issue has come up that has been a point of discussion here lately. Our thirteen-year-old daughter recently brought home a Lady Gaga CD. When that artist held a performance in our city, we did not let her go, more so because we felt she was too young to go to a concert with her friends and less because it was that artist in particular (until recently, we were not even aware of Gaga at all!). But after reading up, I'm not so sure that I should let her listen to that music. The lyrics are (at least to me) disturbing, and the newspapers does not fail in confirming my preconceived notions and jaded thoughts.

On the other hand, I want to let my daughter decide many things for herself; I want her to be independent.

Should I let my thirteen-year-old daughter listen to her Lady Gaga CD, what should I tell her, and how can I communicate to her how I feel about the artist? What would you have done? Any and all advice is very much appreciated. Thank you so much.

Best wishes,

Patrick

 

[mom2many]

I'm not sure what the issue would be with Lady Gaga, I liken her to Madonna in my day.

Heck I even like some of her songs, so yes, I would be cause I already let my kids younger then your daughter listen to her.

 

[Father_0f_7]

Lady Gaga is weird...that's a given. At least to me. I don't mean to judge but seriously...a meat dress?

I'm not into her music but my kids are and I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

i wonder how its possible to not allow. Every time you turn on the radio, tv, radio in public places... she's everywhere :arghh:

 

[Xero]

I don't see the problem with letting her listen to the music. I would let my kids listen to it. Trust me, there are MUCH. Worse bands out there. Lady Gaga's music is harmless. The least of your worries in the musical world IMO.

I would however wait until she is older to allow her to go to one of her concerts though. That woman lives for shock value, and she is very out there. She has been compared to Marilyn Manson in that way, from her music videos to her performances. I like stuff like that too, just not for a 13 year old haha.

 

[shilo]

In this day and age kids know more than we think and as much as we would like to protect them from music videos, media, etc. they will learn one way or the other. Unfortunately the quality of music these days are very tasteless and full of vulgarity but this is what our society has become.

 

[MomoJA]

I think it is certainly acceptable if you decided to disallow her to listen to Lady Gaga, but I don't know how effective it would be. You might do better to just explain to her why you would prefer her not listen to her. Don't tip toe around what you find offensive. Be blunt about it, not prudish.

On the other hand, children are always looking for ways to rebel and assert themselves. This might be the battle that she gets to win so that she feels she is pushing her limits. In that case, you might want to draw the line here with the realization that she is going to cross it.

I would agree that there are many worse songs out there, and I don't have any particular problem with Lady Gaga, but I think this is all part and parcel of why we have the permissiveness we have today. Lady Gaga is mild compared to other artists, but what does that mean? I think it means that we have dropped our standards, and that we will continue to drop them so that what is more shocking today will be mild tomorrow. Certainly Gaga is shocking by the standards of my 13th year. Admittedly, I am ancient ;-)

 

[Iain]

I can relate to your point of view when it comes to Lady Gaga, but it's probably best to let her do her thing when it comes to this one. It sounds like you're a good parent, music won't reverse that. If you're educating her about the difference between celebrity perception and the real world you're doing your job.

 

[superman]

shes is shock value which in itself is harmless bc shes a performer.

 

[Patrick]

On the other hand, children are always looking for ways to rebel and assert themselves. This might be the battle that she gets to win so that she feels she is pushing her limits. In that case, you might want to draw the line here with the realization that she is going to cross it.

If this is a battle, I fear that it will be a long one. I cannot let her win; I don't want to lose my authority as a father. How should I draw the line without making it the Line of Rubicon?

I hope that we get to find time for one another, me, my wife Cynthia and Sarah (13). It would be a good opportunity to talk about my own time at school, or with friends, when I was her age, including things I found confusing or wished I could talk to my parents about. The fact is, my parents were also somewhat strict and I realize that some kids might have a problem understanding why. I want to communicate to her that Gaga is something I don't want in my house, yet I do not want to be judgemental.

Parenting can be a dilemma and a paradox, besides being a blessing! If anyone else have anything to say that might help out, that would be really appreciated! Good bless

 

[sottilare]

I don't see what the problem with Lady Gaga is. I could see if you had issues with Keayshawn (who is a rapper my daughter loves to sing along to these days...) but Lady Gaga is not so bad. Yes, some of her lyrics are a little risque but nothing as bad as most of what's out there these days. At the least, Gaga preaches love and self-acceptance, right?

If you personally don't want to hear Lady Gaga in your house, I think it would be best if you made that part clear, but still allow her to make her own choices about music. She can listen to it on her iPod or on Youtube maybe... but to ban it altogether would be the judgmental part.

 

[IADad]

I see a lot of "I want to talk," "I want to communicate to her" etc in what you post. Have you considered listening? Ask her why she likes it? what she thinks about the words. If she see's you care about what she thinks she might be more receptive when you do have to make your wishes known.

 

[Xero]

See stuff like this just doesn't seem important enough to argue over. It will just push your kids away IMO. Worrying about banning an artist like Lady Gaga is just way too minute to turn into a big deal with your kids. When I was a teenager, I tried to listen to music that I liked and when I tried to share that like of mine with my parents, they decided they didn't like it and they "banned" me from listening to it. It didn't matter what I said or how I explained myself etc. And you know what? I just stopped telling them what I liked. I just hid my CD's from them and I listened to them ANYWAY without them knowing about it. Being super strict about small stuff like that just doesn't seem worth it to me.

 

[mammaz80]

Yes the more restrictive you are the more they will rebel. She isn't that offensive.

 

[tylerdayne]

When I was around her age my mother took away a CD from me that had very explicit lyrics and was much worse than Lady GaGa. I very much resented her for it at the time, however I was still able to listen to the artist via radio and my peers. That was also before the music sharing revolution. I would say let her listen to it for two main reason 1) the content isn't extremely bad, and 2) she will most likely find (in our digital age) a way to listen to it even if you don't let her have the cd.

 

[Antoinette]

my son is 2 and h=if he happened to show an interest in gaga i wouldn't care, it's not like she is the Insane Clown Posse or anything she is just an artist and a performer. i would sit down with her, talk to her about why she likes lady gaga and why you don't. an honest conversation and see if you can reach a half way point. maybe music is okay but not music video's? i don't know but fighting over small things can just end in pushing her away

 

[Xero]

Lol Antoinette - I hope my children never discover ICP.

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

hahahaha icp is rediuclous!!! (in a bad way) i agree with the consensus, its not worth arguing over!

 

[ResponsibleDad]

See stuff like this just doesn't seem important enough to argue over.

I beg to differ with Xero here. To help Patrick, killing the argument and the discussion seem to not be the best decision.

I have the same issue with my daughter and Lady Gaga, although my son is still young. Lady Gaga in my opinion is an incredibly talented singer, and a very good performer. She has so many songs that just have a great beat to them. However in many of those songs they also have some really bad messages for kids, especially girls. I kinda think Lady Gaga is trying to go the early Madonna route too much. I'm in my mid fifties so I grew up on all the Madonna stuff and that is the path I see her trying to emulate. I think a lot of those messages in her songs are done just for the shock value the same as Madonna did back in the eighties.

As far as not letting her go to the concert, in my opinion that was 100% correct. I saw her concert on HBO and was very glad that I did not let my daughter watch it. I want to be very upfront with you and say I'm really not a christian so I am not going about this in a biblical way and that may be a difference how you see my opinion and how I handled it. The way that I have handled the issue is, I got my son several of Gaga's less steamy songs and have sat with her and we listened together. My son loves to dance and he has a dance game for our Xbox Kinect that has Gaga in it, so I have let him listen. However I sit with him and talk about many parts of the songs that are bad and just trash. I am in a difficult situation as I have joint custody of my son and my ex, while an excellent mother does not care too much what our son listens to or watches. So my opinion for what it's worth: Pick songs that you can be the most comfortable with, and have in-depth talks about what Lady Gaga is saying, and what views she is trying to influence on your daughter.

This way, she is not left out of pop culture entirely, but neither is she exposed to it without discernment. I feel very strongly that part of our responsibility as parents is to find out for ourselves about what our kids are interested in and guide them to things we feel are appropriate and reflect values we want to inculcate. It's easy to rely on third party ratings and reports instead of prescreening culture ourselves but I also think it's rather lazy--and I have been guilty of that laziness myself on occasion. There have been R movies I have gladly let my son watch like The King's Speech. No, my child did not get the impression that it is OK to say s-words and f-words from watching that movie even though they are used in it. I liked the quality of the filmmaking, the fact that he could learn a bit of history and engage with the characters in a movie without animation, slam-bang action or special effects, and the messages about loyalty, duty and perseverance. There are PG movies he has seen that I would have preferred he did not, like Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. I took him to that because he begged after seeing the posters. I could not be bothered to check it out in advance and relied on the soft PG rating. I didn't mind the James Bond innuendo which went over his head, but I did mind that it was a pointless, trite movie filled with nightmare-inducing imagery.

I think it's important to realize that unless we are able and willing to isolate our children to a pretty extreme degree (and I realize some people are able and willing to do that), we can't avoid pop culture. Better to guide our children through the maze than bury our heads in the sand. Whenever I see a movie or listen to music or whatever with my kid, I try to engage him about it afterward. Did he like it? What did he like about it? What did he not like about it? How did he feel when this or that happened? Did he think Character X made a good choice or a bad choice in doing Y? Why do you think that is? I'm often pleasantly surprised at how thoughtful his responses are.

Best regards,
Matthew

 

[teenage_parent]

there's an element of eroticism in what she does. i think no one will deny that. is that what you are concerned about?

i think what is important is for you to explain that what Lady Gaga does is an "act". it's her way of getting noticed. what she wears, how she dances, and what she does has nothing to do with the quality of her music.

i love music and i plan to let my child know early on the difference between manufactured artists and true artists. if your concern is on the artistic side, just make sure you expose your child to different kinds of music and explain to her what each genre and even artist stands for and what they do, etc.

if you are concerned about your child picking up the "image" that lady gaga has, then explain to her well where lady gaga is coming from. she's in the entertainment industry and she does it to get noticed. she wasn't like that when she started so all these over the top costumes are done to set herself apart from the rest. those things are not worn when she is not on stage or not going to be seen by her public. clearly, she wears them for a show. just make sure they understand that.

on the art side, the costumes SHOULD NEVER BE MISCONSTRUED with her music. music and costume have nothing to do with each other. great music can stand on its own. so i encourage you to let your child think about how the music is going to sound when it is in its barest form. no artist, no dance steps, just the music.

when she learns how to do that, she will have a better understanding on who are the real artists versus the ones that are just manufactured by studios and labels.

i suggest you don't hold her back. it will only make her want lady gag more. we've all been through that right? just be there to guide and balance it out.