Sick husband= bad kids?!?!...

[XOMLE30]

Hi everyone! New here and having some issues with my babies... Long story so I will try to make it quick. I have a almost four yo girl and a 2.5 yo boy. MY husband was diagnosed with Leukemia about 4 months ago, and spent all but about three weeks in one hospital or another. Obvioulsy the kids world got turned upside.... differnt people watching them all the time at differnt places etc... they actually spent the last month with living at my parents house, because hubby was in the hospital an hour away. We ALL have been home for about two weeks now(trying to get a normal life back) and the behavior in both of my kids is terrible-different problems for each of them. My biggest concern is my son, he does not listen to anything. I have tried all the techniques i know, time out, taking toys away, go to your room, yelling, spanking, he does not care about any of it. the worst problem we are having is bed time and naptime. we will do our nightly routine (bath, teeth, stories, songs, prayer, kisses and hugs,) and as soon as i close the door he screams this loud shreiking scream and lays on the floor behind his door and just kicks and kicks at the door- he is going to break it one of these days, this will go on for hours. I have tried ignoring, and many other things i am ashamed to admit to, but i am getting worried that something deeper may be wrong here. the bedtime thing is just the tip of the iceberg my entire day is spent dealing with him, and my daughter is gettting left out because of it i fear. Unfortunately my hubby is in no shape to really help, he is at home but still recovering.

Thanks

 

[Kaytee]

first I am truly sorry that your family is going through these horrible things and I will pray that your husband overcomes this cancer and lives a great life.

Now onto the parenting part of it, i think it stems from being gone. I think your son being 2 years old is having major sepertion anxiety and for good reason. In his mind you have left him. Not your fault by any means, but a 2 year old does not understand daddy is sick so you have to stay with grandma for a while. He is probably scared you will leave him and there fore wants to be with you constantly. Also remember the age of any old 2 year old. They are stubborn!! They will tantrum and be well.. rotten little kids lol.

 

[XOMLE30]

Thank you.....we will get through this- there is no other option!

Any ideas on how to handle him? i am scared that this could be the start of somehting that will haunt him for the rest of his life and i want to "fix" it while i still can. I spend time playing with him one on one, he helps me cook dinner....etc... but in between he is just a monster-literaly, bouncing off the walls , screaming, throwing anything he can get his hands on, back talking, hitting, in general just being angry.
I am just scared that this has scarred him deeply, although in the beginning everyone told me kids are strong, resilient blah blah blah- they wont even remember all of this.....

 

[Kaytee]

I think all you can do is give TONS TONS TONS TONS of positive reinforcement. Anytime he is doing something good, tell him. "You are sitting there so nice right now, what a big boy you are" Thank you for saying please" things like that will help a lot. Other then that, don't let him get away with being bad. Stick with time outs. Make sure you tell him in a calm serious voice, what he did "you hit your sister and that is very bad, that hurts her and you can't do that" make sure you are eye level with him on his level. Tehn pick him up pur him down in whatever spot you choose and tell him he has to stay there. Keep him there for 2 minutes. If he gets up, place him back and say again " you do not hit your sister" then restart the time. Do not talk to him while he is in there, if he throws himself on the florr crying, ignore it. If he he kicks the wall, ignore it. If he gets out, then pick him up and put him back, on the 3rd time just make it really short, "you don't hit" when he is fnished with the time, again get down on his level and say "you do not hit your sister that hurts her and is not nice", if you can get him to say sorry, do it, otherwise don't worry about it.

Spend as much one on one time with him as you can. If dad is feeling up to it, have dad take a walk around the block with your daughter for 5 minutes so that you can sit with him with no one around, and then maybe the next day do the same thing for your daughter. Just becuase she is not actingout does not mean she doesn't need one on one as well. This will also be good for your husband to spend a few minutes with each of his children as well.

 

[Kaytee]

of course take this for what it is worth, I have a 2 year old no other children, and I have never been in your situation.

 

[XOMLE30]

thank you--

I have been trying, but i need to get better at ignoring. I am a pushover for that little boy, and I (we) have so much guilt that it os hard not to coddle him a little. I would have to say that it is getting a little better around here, but we still have a lot of repair work to do...

Thanks again for the advice.

Lots of Love

 

[Kaytee]

thanks for the update. Just keep pushing forward with lots of praise and I bet you will be fine!