I was reading another forum and it made me think of this. When do you think it's ok for a single mom or dad to start dating again? Let's say the child is about....5 years old and the parents just got a divorce. When do you guys think would be an appropriate time for the mom or dad to start dating again?
Single parents dating again?...
- Thread starter OurPreciousHand
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I actually started seeing my husband right after my divorce. I wasn't looking, it just worked out that way.
I think it all depends on each individual person and family.
I think it all depends on each individual person and family.
Yea, I guess it is sort of hard to put a time frame on it. It all depends on the situation and what each day brings. And I definitely agree about not introducing every guy to the child - cause that will just confuse her/him. So I definitely agree with you guys. I saw this tv show on TLC called 'Must Love Kids' and it's all about single moms dating again. It's sort of like The Bachelorette...except kids are involved. I wonder how they are going to go abouts the children being involved...b/c that would be confusing for the kids if their mom was introducing all these men to them. I was actually able to watch the premiere episode on TLC's website online. It does look interesting...
It's so tough when kids are involved because they always should carry first priority. When Heather and I started dating, I didn't introduce her to Delaney for quite a while, then it was on sporadically and gradually built up. I had to make sure I was comfortable with her before getting Delaney involved heavily. Children get so emotionally involved so quickly that if she got attached to Heather immediately, then we broke up, Delaney would have been crushed.
I agree with Fallons answer. My DD mom has had, that I know of, three boyfriends in the last three years. DD has not seemed to have been affected by them. The BF she had the longest had a daughter a few years older then DD and DD talked about the girl alot but she never seemed like she missed the other people one way or another. Of course my DD is extra special so I dont know if that is "normal" or not.
OurPreciousHand said:
I don't think a person can truly heal for at least a year after such an intimate relationship with someone else...probably more.
I get it though...after a divorce, you're lonely, and crave someone to be with, so the whole rebound guy/girl is going to appeal to people. It'll probably make them feel better, and they won't care about introducing their kids to new people...just because they want/need someone to fill that void.
I just got divorced, and really...I have no intention of even trying to date for at least 6 months - 1 year. It would be rediculous of my to bring divorce emotions and issues into a new relationship without healing and working on myself.
Plus, when you're in a relationship, you just naturally give up parts of yourself to be with that other person. So it's good to heal and work on yourself for a while before dating again. You know...find yourself.
My parents had a bad marriage. My dad tells me now that the last ten years of their marriage was him just staying there so that we would have a dad. Once they were legally seperated, my mom took no time getting a boyfriend, but my dad took a while to find someone. Mom introduced us to her boyfriend very shortly afterwards. Dad took a little longer. As kids, we both hated the fact that there were new people in our broken family, mom was never home and left us there by ourselves when it was her turn to have us, refusing to let dad take us for an extra day or so. Dad, on the other hand, fell for his girlfriend and stayed with her, making sure everything was okay with us before he went out with her some nights. It wasn't with us, but we told him it was because he was happy for the first time in a long time. We weren't selfish too badly. (=
Unfortunately, once we started liking dad's girlfriend, they broke up. They had been together for a long while, but they fought too much and she had lied to him before, plus my mom started to meddle in their affairs and made the other woman very uncomfortable. And, unfortunately again, once we started to realise that mom's boyfriend was only dating her to get our childsupport, it was too late. They've been together ever since.
I think the parents need to decide when it is the right time to start dating again. Keep your kids' opinions in mind though, if they're anything like us, they aren't too willing to let other people in the family too quickly. It made us jealous to see our parents spending time with their new partners, even though they were happy. I also think that parents should be a little more careful when dating if they have children from a previous marriage. They shouldn't just rush into the first open armed person they see, if that's how they were when they were younger. You're not only looking for a partner, in most cases you are also looking for a father/mother figure for your children as well.
Unfortunately, once we started liking dad's girlfriend, they broke up. They had been together for a long while, but they fought too much and she had lied to him before, plus my mom started to meddle in their affairs and made the other woman very uncomfortable. And, unfortunately again, once we started to realise that mom's boyfriend was only dating her to get our childsupport, it was too late. They've been together ever since.
I think the parents need to decide when it is the right time to start dating again. Keep your kids' opinions in mind though, if they're anything like us, they aren't too willing to let other people in the family too quickly. It made us jealous to see our parents spending time with their new partners, even though they were happy. I also think that parents should be a little more careful when dating if they have children from a previous marriage. They shouldn't just rush into the first open armed person they see, if that's how they were when they were younger. You're not only looking for a partner, in most cases you are also looking for a father/mother figure for your children as well.
I was never married to James or Shanelle's father, so when I find my current husband, they didn't assume it as something wrong. They got used to me having boyfriends when they were infants (I was 15 when I had James and 16 when I had Shanelle). I didn't marry Kylie's ather either, he was just one of my boyfriends. Now I'm married to the father of the twins I'm expecting. James, Shannie and Kylie don't have any problems with it.
I think everyone is entitled to pursue their own happiness. That said, I think a single parent must be extremely careful when going about dating. Arrange for a reliable person to take care of your kid when on your date and don't bring them home until it is serious! 