slaps, pinches and bites...

[PianoLover]

Question from Parent:

I'm having such a hard time with my 14 month old. he intentionally slaps, pinches and bites. he doesn't see anyone in our family doing it so i don't understand where it's coming from or really how to handle it. i feel like i'm constantly telling him "please don't, that hurts mommy" and sometimes after he hurts me and i show pain he gives me a little kiss, i say "thank you" and then he hits me again. i'm getting so frustrated sometimes i slap the hand he hits me with and he whines for a minute while i hold him and try to tell him that it hurts and that's why i ask him not to do it but i don't feel it's getting anywhere yet. maybe it's just his age but i have bite and scratch marks all over me and sometimes i feel like i'm being held hostage. can anyone offer some advice? and please no judgments, thank you.

 

[IADad]

Well, I know about that stage they sometimes go through where biting is common and what I've been told is that it has to do with their inability to communicate effectively and the frustration that revolves around it. but I'm thinking that stage is like late 2's and 3 yos...

I'm guessing that part of your situation may have to do with the fact that it gets him attention.

So, after you slap the hand, you hold him? as in you hold him to restrain him and be sure you have his attention or hold him and soothe him? I think the latter is really really dangerous and I would stop doing it immediately.

I know "punishment" is tricky at this age. I wouldn't be opposed to trying some timeouts, stand him or sit him in a corner in another room for 30-60 seconds. If it's your attention he's after, getting that brief isolation is the exact opposite reaction to what he wants.

 

[IADad]

okay, hold on, I'm a little confused. Pianolover, the name you use elsewhere is "Antony" yet you refer to yourself as "Mommy" here. Can you shed some light for us please?

 

[Buttaflly227]

I think with a situation like this <I>consistent time outs</I> may work best. Whenever he does something like that you tell him it hurts and not to do it but then when he doesn't listen I'd put him right in a corner. Your call on how long, I'd maybe do two minutes for a four year old (although I've heard the standard is a minute for every year old they are).
I'm not sure if you've seen super nanny but I'd go her approach with this where if they try to get out of the corner etc just out them right on back until it's over and BE CONSISTENT with the discipline but <I>still explain to him why he's being punished</I>.

Hope this helps!

-Jessica

http://www.greatestkidsgames.com

 

[mom2many]

okay, hold on, I'm a little confused. Pianolover, the name you use elsewhere is "Antony" yet you refer to yourself as "Mommy" here. Can you shed some light for us please?

They seem more like questions other people have and then are brought here to be answered..............

 

[Xero]

They seem more like questions other people have and then are brought here to be answered..............

This.

What's up with that, Pianolover? Don't you think if these people wanted our opinions, they would come here to ask them? Seems kind of rude to be sharing other people's business. Unless, I suppose, you were asked to do it for them. I don't find that likely though.

I didn't answer because I felt like I'm being quizzed or something.

 

[IADad]

They seem more like questions other people have and then are brought here to be answered..............

ahhh, okay, that makes some sense. I think I wouldn't have posted it in the first person then and relayed it more in terms that we'd understand that, buut okay, that makes sense. I was really confused my "mommy Atony" (although, living here, I really shouldn't be...)

 

[PianoLover]

Yes, it's a friends question I'm associating with a lot of parenting communities where we share information to learn as much as possible

No, it's not airing someones dirty laundry or anything like that, it's been extremely helpul to ask as many people as possible for their approaches because if one person has the problem it's more than likely someone else will as well so we can collect as many creative approaches as possible and share them with whomever can benefit

thanks

 

[PianoLover]

My friend:
"i know it's been a while since i posted about my 14 month old slapping/hitting. i just wanted to update and share what we've done to channel his energy into a more positive behavior. whenever he starts slapping we hold out our open hands and say "slap me five" and then he goes crazy giving us high fives. and we cheer him on and he loves it! now he sometimes will stop himself when he gets excited and wants to slap and wants us to hold out our hands for high fives. my kid is pretty cool. "

I'm so proud of her for finding a nonviolent approach!

another parent reported the same approach worked for her as well

 

[momtoallkids]

i hope you find something that works but at the same time it could indicate bigger problems. 14mo is a little young for any positive diagnosis but from experiance sometimes kids that start with those behaviors that young turn out to be autistic or ad/hd. my brother is a prime example. he started young with the slapping and biting and it only got worse with time to a point where he was a danger to himself and others.my step-son was the same way when he was younger. he was a biter. at one point he bit a kids face so bad that the other kid spent over a week in the hospital. all im saying is keep an eye on it. early intervention could help prevent a future disaster.

 

[LucidKitty]

I think with a situation like this <I>consistent time outs</I> may work best. Whenever he does something like that you tell him it hurts and not to do it but then when he doesn't listen I'd put him right in a corner. Your call on how long, I'd maybe do two minutes for a four year old (although I've heard the standard is a minute for every year old they are).
I'm not sure if you've seen super nanny but I'd go her approach with this where if they try to get out of the corner etc just out them right on back until it's over and BE CONSISTENT with the discipline but <I>still explain to him why he's being punished</I>.

Hope this helps!

-Jessica

http://www.greatestkidsgames.com

^ this. Once he does it you tell him no and take him to the corner and make him sit. You probably will have to do this 100 times before he puts 2 and 2 together but in the end it will work.

 

[LucidKitty]

Question from Parent:

I'm having such a hard time with my 14 month old. he intentionally slaps, pinches and bites. he doesn't see anyone in our family doing it so i don't understand where it's coming from or really how to handle it. i feel like i'm constantly telling him "please don't, that hurts mommy" and sometimes after he hurts me and i show pain he gives me a little kiss, i say "thank you" and then he hits me again. i'm getting so frustrated sometimes i slap the hand he hits me with and he whines for a minute while i hold him and try to tell him that it hurts and that's why i ask him not to do it but i don't feel it's getting anywhere yet. maybe it's just his age but i have bite and scratch marks all over me and sometimes i feel like i'm being held hostage. can anyone offer some advice? and please no judgments, thank you.

You can't tell him it hurts, but them hold him. You are basically giving your child the green light to continue it by doing that.

 

[PianoLover]

You can't tell him it hurts, but them hold him. You are basically giving your child the green light to continue it by doing that.

Well not really the idea is to cultivate in the child caring for other peoples feelings and that feelings are important, so thesea approaches are paired with teaching emotional expression and of course taking into account your childs behaviour. the greatest factor in the development of children is not what you say but what virtues (or vices) you model IMO and that seems to be in line with the evidence

Incidently a positive approach was found:

My friend:
"i know it's been a while since i posted about my 14 month old slapping/hitting. i just wanted to update and share what we've done to channel his energy into a more positive behavior. whenever he starts slapping we hold out our open hands and say "slap me five" and then he goes crazy giving us high fives. and we cheer him on and he loves it! now he sometimes will stop himself when he gets excited and wants to slap and wants us to hold out our hands for high fives. my kid is pretty cool. "


another parent reported the same approach worked for her as well so that seems a good one

 

[EverSweetBaby]

In my experience with my 4 and 2 year old, I have learned that hitting, biting, and pinching are all things they do for attention if they are just randomly coming up to you and hitting you. Your little one also probably doesn't know how to communicate his feelings yet, so if he is upset, he could be hitting to let you know he is upset. Best of luck to you!