Sleeing problems... and more....

[spacekitten]

My son is 3 1/2 years old and I can not get him to sleep at night.. Not only does it take hours but he also wakes up at least once a night. Usually he wakes up crying and I let him fall back asleep but many nights he gets up and crawls into bed with his grandpa or grandpa will go to him. I know that my father is the main problem. I separated from my husband a year ago and due to being left with all the debt had to move in with my father. My father is a HUGE help in more ways than not but when it comes to sleeping he always allows my son to crawl into his bed. My son has him wrapped around his finger and gets whatever he wants! Now my son cries for him to put him to bed because he knows he will get more stories and chatting and that my dad will fall for the "I have to potty" or "i'm scared" ploy to get out of bed.

I am so frustrated and do not know what to do. I read my son two books, tuk him in, lay with him a bit.. I leave his door open for light as he freaks out in the dark and i'm only a room away but as soon as I leave him he cries "I'm scared, I want you, I want my papa!" I always stay firm but he sneaks out of his room to run into grandpas, keeps getting up, cries loud or continues to call out for attention. I can ignore the crying but after two hours of putting him back in his bed I get so frustrated that I'm upset with him. I don't like for him to go to bed every night with me upset. I hate being the bad guy but am the only one who disciplines him. I notice that he wants me less because of this and it is hard on me.

Any suggestions that might calm my sons fears or get him to sleep without me having to get upset with him? I've tried talking to my father and he attempts at times to follow my rules of no sleeping in his bed and no junk food but more often than not he still goes against me. He has suggested buying my son a dog so that he feels more secure but I think that his insecurity or fear of the dark is not the real problem.

Please help!

 

[musicmom]

Get the child a night light and tell papa to lay down the rules. Enough is enough. Your father needs to respect you as a parent and not undermind you. You sounds like he's getting mixed signals. Papa needs to quit enabling him. Three years old is old enough to have rules laid out and obeyed.

 

[Kaytee]

well I think you have two opetions. You either tell dad no more. Don't let him get in bed with you, or you deal. I don't see how it really hurts you if he is with Grandpa. I mean maybe not ideal...but, better then listening to him scream.

 

[spacekitten]

I had night lights in the room but he says it's still to dark. If I shut his door he really throws a fit and cries like he's fallen into an alligator pit. Do you think I should just let him cry it out? He will get up and open the door all the way when I leave if I have it shut at all. It is very hard to get him to listen sometimes.. Time outs work great during the day but at night.. not so much.

You are right about my father, I have tried to talk with him. I know I need to be firm. I just feel bad as he is doing me such a favor letting me stay with him.

It is an easier thing to just let him sleep with papa but I think this will be hard on him when we move out and also think at his age it is best if he sleeps in his own bed.

 

[Kaytee]

you are right that it might be harder on him when you move out.
As far as cio, it seems the boy is really scared of the dark. I think you should try to solve that issue first and foremost. He's 3, he's still a toddler. You said you tried a night light. Maybe a few and of a favorite charector. Disney Cars or whatever he is into. Have him pick it out, have him help you put it in. Explain to him that you are right outside the door. Leave the door open if thats what he wants. Not going to hurt anything there. I don't believe in just letting a child cry because they won't sleep. There are other ways to do it. THey will still cry and scream, but not alone. NO reason for him to be scared of the dark and have to cry by himself. Other things that I have been told work ( I have not had to deal with this as of yet). Do a monster check. Before bed, walk around the room and "look" for monsters. Ask him if he sees any. Look under the bed, in the cleset, in the toy box. Then show him that there are none, spray some "monster away" spray. AKA air freshner and heck even let the boy sleep with a flashlight if that will make him more secure.

 

[HappyMomma]

My daughter has a lamp next to her bed that she uses for light. It's brighter than I would like, but that is how she is comfortable sleeping. I also allow her to color in her coloring books in bed before she decides to sleep.

 

[Lissa]

Hm. I wonder if I'm scared of the dark because my parents let me cry it out.

 

[Good Wolf]

I agree that this won't be resolved until you get your dad to toughen up and follow your wishes. It doesn't matter if it is mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, Auntie, or Uncle everyone has to be on the same page when it comes to routines. It is no fun playing the bad guy and you shouldn't be forced to do so.

 

[spacekitten]

I had a talk with my father and he has agreed to follow my lead in the situation. I hope it helps.. Yesterday I filled the day with lots of fun, we saw "Horton Hears a Who" which Devin and I both really loved! We also spent hours at the park and I tried really hard to tire his energy out.. Not so easy with a three year old. He still did not want to go to bed but after his story I told him how much fun I had with him and that tomorrow was going to be fun too. He asked me to sing and after 15 min he was out! and in the dark! The only bad thing is that he woke up 5 times in the night coming into my room crying to sleep with him. Twice I had to lay with him for quite a while. It's still improvement. I wonder what is waking him up so much at night. Thank you all for your advice and support.

 

[Good Wolf]

Thats great! I'm glad to hear that your father is on board.

Have you tried ambient noise? You can try something as simple as music, or get one of the tapes made specifically for sleeping like sounds of the rain forest or ocean waves. That should block out any noises from outside that might be stirring him, and might make him feel a bit more at ease with being alone.

 

[HappyMomma]

It may just be habit if he's used to getting the attention from it.

Glad to hear you and your father are on the same page now. Stay with it and I bet Ds will eventually sleep all the way through the night.

 

[Xero]

Everyone wakes up at random a few times a night. It's normal. The difference between him and you is that you know how to fall back asleep on your own. He'll continue to wake up several times a night every night for the rest of his life, but until he learns how to comfort himself back to sleep like we do, you'll continue to hear about it. lol. I hope your dad helps you out. Good luck!

 

[Firefly]

Hi,

someone suggested trying ambient noise and I think that is a good suggestion but I would try using white noise as it masks out all other noises.

I used it for my daughter when she was much yougner than your son but know people who still use it for their teens as it helps them get a better nights sleep!!

I have more info on it on my site if you want to read more.

Firefly

Calm Sleeping Baby - Natural Methods to Calm and Soothe Upset Babies

 

[Xero]

Firefly - Yeah actually I know what you mean, there's a lot of noise most of the time when Eli takes his naps and sometimes at night too, so I always use white noise. Like a fan. (usually pointed away from him, cause it's just for the noise.)