Soda and Juice - Should we let our kids drink it?...
- Thread starter mlander76
- Start date
I buy the fake sugar free stuff. I know, someone out there will tell me all of those chemicals are horrible. I have come to the conclusion that nothing is good for me. So I'm picking my poison.
Water, btw, is risky too since that could contain all sorts of horrible things.
:wideeyed:
Water, btw, is risky too since that could contain all sorts of horrible things.
:wideeyed:
I don't know how old your children are but mine are only allowed to have sprite or anything no caffine, no pepsi or anything like that. They can have water or gatorade. They drink milk for breakfast and dinner always.
I have a water cooler so they can help themselves whenever they are thirsty. I love it.
I have a water cooler so they can help themselves whenever they are thirsty. I love it.
Hannah can drink water. She drinks juice for breakfast at school, milk for lunch at school, and water the rest of the time. If we are eating at a restaurant or if it is a special occasion she can have sprite or root beer. Anything else is very limited.
my rule is "We drink water at the dinner table."
My wife and I both obey the rule too. In fact I personally only drink water. (ok, water and hot chocolate). I think it's a bit rich to expect your kids to follow dietary rules that the parents don't follow.
Soft-drink is allowable at parties if someone offers it, but there's no caffeine under any circumstances.
My wife and I both obey the rule too. In fact I personally only drink water. (ok, water and hot chocolate). I think it's a bit rich to expect your kids to follow dietary rules that the parents don't follow.
Soft-drink is allowable at parties if someone offers it, but there's no caffeine under any circumstances.
Water, gatorade, 100% juice. lite juice, milk thats about it. Sometimes sprite but no caffine ever.
My hubby and I are huge pepsi drinkers.
My hubby and I are huge pepsi drinkers.
We give our son water for dinner about 5 days out of the week...maybe 6. Milk or juice on the others.
Sometimes he whines, but all I need to say is "do you want to lose your dessert?" and he stops asking for something else. That's the best phrase ever!
He gets enough milk and juice at preschool...so he really just needs to be drinking healthy at home.
Sometimes he whines, but all I need to say is "do you want to lose your dessert?" and he stops asking for something else. That's the best phrase ever!
He gets enough milk and juice at preschool...so he really just needs to be drinking healthy at home.
We also do not do soda. I have allowed her to try sprite once and won't do it again for a LOOOONG time. N ow everytime I drink it she says "Nichole want to taste it" grrr....
She is allowed juice in the morning, it is also 100% apple juice, organic nothing added not even water. Milk for dinner and lunch and water the rest of the day. Dinner we sometimes let her have chocolate milk, but she isn't that partial to it so its not a chore to get her to drink it plain.
She is allowed juice in the morning, it is also 100% apple juice, organic nothing added not even water. Milk for dinner and lunch and water the rest of the day. Dinner we sometimes let her have chocolate milk, but she isn't that partial to it so its not a chore to get her to drink it plain.
punishment paradigm.FooserX said:
instead say "We have water at dinner time."
it's not something you'll get punished for if you don't do - it's just something that happens. you're perfectly free to not have water, but you're not being offered anything else.
(also think about the long term weight-loss implications to the idea that you DESERVE desserts unless it's taken away from you. What lesson are you teaching here? Our rule here is simply "Hungry people get dessert" so if they vague out and don't finish their food they just wander off and start playing. That's fine. What it means is that sometimes dessert simply doesn't happen and it's no big deal. Dessert, as a sweetened treat, ought to be a (relatively regular) special occasion. The MEAL is the meal. The dessert is an addon, sometimes.)
<I>>>>>punishment paradigm.</I>
<I>>>>instead say "We have water at dinner time."</I>
I do say that. The first time. If he whines, then I have to play the dessert card.
<I>>>>>>>(also think about the long term weight-loss implications to the idea that you DESERVE desserts unless it's taken away from you. What lesson are you teaching here? Our rule here is simply "Hungry people get dessert" so if they vague out and don't finish their food they just wander off and start playing. That's fine. What it means is that sometimes dessert simply doesn't happen and it's no big deal. Dessert, as a sweetened treat, ought to be a (relatively regular) special occasion. The MEAL is the meal. The dessert is an addon, sometimes.)</I>
You lost me at "Also think..."
<I>>>>instead say "We have water at dinner time."</I>
I do say that. The first time. If he whines, then I have to play the dessert card.
<I>>>>>>>(also think about the long term weight-loss implications to the idea that you DESERVE desserts unless it's taken away from you. What lesson are you teaching here? Our rule here is simply "Hungry people get dessert" so if they vague out and don't finish their food they just wander off and start playing. That's fine. What it means is that sometimes dessert simply doesn't happen and it's no big deal. Dessert, as a sweetened treat, ought to be a (relatively regular) special occasion. The MEAL is the meal. The dessert is an addon, sometimes.)</I>
You lost me at "Also think..."
why?
why not go straight to the "I don't like it when you raise your voice like that at me, I feel angry" card?
Think about it - I think this vignette is key to raising kids - why is he whining? Why does he not accept what you say the first time? What's wrong with the way your phrasing your decisions?
It's because he's afraid of having his dessert taken away - granted, it's a very little fear - but he's weighing things up in his mind, pushing you until he finds out that you're Really Serious. Basically, up until you threaten to take away his dessert he thinks it's still negotiable. And really, so do you.
There's 3 types of consequences that kids learn about: natural, logical and 'standard'.
The natural consequence of whining through dinner is, I suppose, that your food gets cold - and that those around you get angry/upset. This _ought_ to be consequence enough.
I think that the logical consequence of whining through dinner ought to be that you get to leave the room to do your whining and come back to whine when everyone ELSE has finished their dinner in peace and quiet.
The standard consequence is to threaten to take away dessert. Why dessert? What connection is that to whining? Why not his favorite DVD? Why not threaten to read one fewer books? Why not bring bedtime forward by 1/2 hour? Why not go and take a toy away for a week? Why not a smack? Those are all just as connected the request "Please don't whine at me" as the dessert is.
Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. After I've uttered the phrase "We drink water at dinner time" every thing my son says to me, begging for water, whining, even yelling, is a strange, silly and confusing thing to me. We've already HAD the conversation where we made (_I_ made) the decision about water at dinner time. Why are you still talking about this? Please eat your food and stop yelling at me.
There's no more negotation. There's no more threats or bargains or punishments needed to make it absolutely clear that there is not going to be anything but water at this table. The words "We drink water" have floated from my mouth, made the decision and ended the argument forever. The hammer has fallen. If you want to keep yelling about this you can go to your room to yell.
I write so much about this because we had this exact thing happen last night. My son got his shirt in a knot about not wanting potatoe on his plate. Ok, if you don't want the potatoe that's your bad luck, but it's staying on your plate, don't pick it up with your hand and try to put it back in the pot. Then after we got through that battle he decided that it was appropriate to climb (CLIMB!!) up on the table and grab the tomato sauce. That's not ok. I helped him to sit back down and advised him to ask nicely for the sauce if he wanted it.
It had been a long day for him, which is no excuse, so he ended up refusing to ask nicely, and started to angrily whinge for sauce (which I wasn't denying him, by the way. I just was refusing to accede to a demand for sauce, I was refusing to participate.) Then he started to yell, and at it was at this stage that he got taken to his bedroom to do his yelling.
It was all very emotionally draining for me - my wife let me do the whole thing basically - and at the end of it I was left wondering if that explosion was worth it, if I might have been better off saying "Fine, but next time don't yell at me." I think it was worth it, but I wonder if it could have been handled better. I wonder if I could have found some way to MAKE him accept my decision. I don't think I could have used more reasonable language with him - although I guess I could have recognised that he'd had a long day and tried to defuse the situation earlier.
In the end, after he'd finished hyperventilating in his room, and after I'd eaten my now-cold food, he came out and ate his meal with a smile on his face and even ate all his carrots unbidden.
I'm sorry, you lost me [didn't follow] or did I step over the line?
<I>>>>>why not go straight to the "I don't like it when you raise your voice like that at me, I feel angry" card?</I>
He isn't raising his voice or yelling - he's asking, and asking, and whining...because with mom, he knows if he asks enough he can get what he wants sometimes.
It's like the lottery. If he plays enough, he might win. It's worth it for my son to keep asking...even though he knows 99% of the time, my word is final...he knows that on SOME occasion, I do let him have something. That's not wrong is it? To let him be surprised with coke, or chocolate milk?
It's just worth it for him to risk being shot down, for the chance to get what he wants. That's why he asks, and doesn't accept my first answer.
>>>>> <I>Basically, up until you threaten to take away his dessert he thinks it's still negotiable. And really, so do you.</I>
Well that's fine...that's life, right? What harm am I doing in giving him his loss of dessert option?
<I>>>>>I think that the logical consequence of whining through dinner ought to be that you get to leave the room to do your whining and come back to whine when everyone ELSE has finished their dinner in peace and quiet.</I>
lol...that's a good one
I might go with that one to see. Mom might fight me on it, because it does sound cruel somewhat.
<I>>>>>The standard consequence is to threaten to take away dessert. Why dessert? What connection is that to whining? Why not his favorite DVD? Why not threaten to read one fewer books? Why not bring bedtime forward by 1/2 hour? Why not go and take a toy away for a week? Why not a smack? Those are all just as connected the request "Please don't whine at me" as the dessert is.</I>
In your diatribes do you ever stop to think of the logic behind things?
The reason dessert works so well is because it's an immediate reward. After dinner, he gets sweets. We're talking 30 minutes. He can make the connection fast and simple.
If I were to take away a DVD, then he wouldn't care, because he could just watch cartoons...or read a book...or play games. Those things are in the future, so he wouldn't care as much.
PLUS...I don't like taking away movies, because his movie time is time I get to be alone. lol And I don't like taking away toys, because when we play together, I want to play with toys and games too. I don't want to just be bored while we play.
Dessert threat is good, and working fine anyway...so why change things? Just for logical arguement sake?
<I>>>>>Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.</I>
So...um....if you ask your wife what movie she wants to see, and she says some chickflick...do you just accept what she says? No. You offer your opinion and thoughts on the matter. You want to change her mind. The kid is doing the same thing. It's natural. People give and take. He knows that there is a chance things can be changes...nothing you do or say will change this.
<I>>>>>It was all very emotionally draining for me</I>
See...my conflicts with my son are never draining for me. I give him the choice of losing dessert, and he makes the decision. Most of the time he lets it go. Sometimes he keeps going, at which point I take away this dessert. If he keeps it up, he loses something else...normally dessert for another day...and another. He's lost his dessert for a week, and he knows it sucks. At 2 or 3 days...he stops whining, and gets in line. It's not a struggle, and it's not draining. It's so simple because he makes the decision for himself. He is basically punishing himself with his choices - I am merely giving him the option...I'm giving him a way out.
<I>>>>>In the end, after he'd finished hyperventilating in his room, and after I'd eaten my now-cold food, he came out and ate his meal with a smile on his face and even ate all his carrots unbidden.</I>
All that is too much time wasted and energy spent. A simple choice/threat is all it takes for to behave.
<I>>>>I'm sorry, you lost me [didn't follow] or did I step over the line?[/quote]</I>
No one can ever step over a line, online
He isn't raising his voice or yelling - he's asking, and asking, and whining...because with mom, he knows if he asks enough he can get what he wants sometimes.
It's like the lottery. If he plays enough, he might win. It's worth it for my son to keep asking...even though he knows 99% of the time, my word is final...he knows that on SOME occasion, I do let him have something. That's not wrong is it? To let him be surprised with coke, or chocolate milk?
It's just worth it for him to risk being shot down, for the chance to get what he wants. That's why he asks, and doesn't accept my first answer.
>>>>> <I>Basically, up until you threaten to take away his dessert he thinks it's still negotiable. And really, so do you.</I>
Well that's fine...that's life, right? What harm am I doing in giving him his loss of dessert option?
<I>>>>>I think that the logical consequence of whining through dinner ought to be that you get to leave the room to do your whining and come back to whine when everyone ELSE has finished their dinner in peace and quiet.</I>
lol...that's a good one
I might go with that one to see. Mom might fight me on it, because it does sound cruel somewhat.
<I>>>>>The standard consequence is to threaten to take away dessert. Why dessert? What connection is that to whining? Why not his favorite DVD? Why not threaten to read one fewer books? Why not bring bedtime forward by 1/2 hour? Why not go and take a toy away for a week? Why not a smack? Those are all just as connected the request "Please don't whine at me" as the dessert is.</I>
In your diatribes do you ever stop to think of the logic behind things?
The reason dessert works so well is because it's an immediate reward. After dinner, he gets sweets. We're talking 30 minutes. He can make the connection fast and simple.
If I were to take away a DVD, then he wouldn't care, because he could just watch cartoons...or read a book...or play games. Those things are in the future, so he wouldn't care as much.
PLUS...I don't like taking away movies, because his movie time is time I get to be alone. lol And I don't like taking away toys, because when we play together, I want to play with toys and games too. I don't want to just be bored while we play.
Dessert threat is good, and working fine anyway...so why change things? Just for logical arguement sake?
<I>>>>>Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.</I>
So...um....if you ask your wife what movie she wants to see, and she says some chickflick...do you just accept what she says? No. You offer your opinion and thoughts on the matter. You want to change her mind. The kid is doing the same thing. It's natural. People give and take. He knows that there is a chance things can be changes...nothing you do or say will change this.
<I>>>>>It was all very emotionally draining for me</I>
See...my conflicts with my son are never draining for me. I give him the choice of losing dessert, and he makes the decision. Most of the time he lets it go. Sometimes he keeps going, at which point I take away this dessert. If he keeps it up, he loses something else...normally dessert for another day...and another. He's lost his dessert for a week, and he knows it sucks. At 2 or 3 days...he stops whining, and gets in line. It's not a struggle, and it's not draining. It's so simple because he makes the decision for himself. He is basically punishing himself with his choices - I am merely giving him the option...I'm giving him a way out.
<I>>>>>In the end, after he'd finished hyperventilating in his room, and after I'd eaten my now-cold food, he came out and ate his meal with a smile on his face and even ate all his carrots unbidden.</I>
All that is too much time wasted and energy spent. A simple choice/threat is all it takes for to behave.
<I>>>>I'm sorry, you lost me [didn't follow] or did I step over the line?[/quote]</I>
No one can ever step over a line, online
