Okay - I have 5 step-grandchildren. My step-daughter has a passive parenting approach with her kids. She does very little directing or parenting - the kids wander around from adult to adult bothering each and every one of them, and I have never, not even one time, seen the kids play with a toy or be self-entertained. The kids ruin my experience every time and I actually find myself taking a very long time in the restroom just to escape and collect my nerves. Yes, I do make over them, pay attention to them as appropriate but enough is enough. I really need advice on this. My children never bothered other adults. They went off and played so this is completely foreign to me. The other day when I was alone with the 4 year old, I told her no to something and she went berzerk on me. Also, I have seen no structure - no "come here and eat its dinner time" or "time for bed now" or anything of the sort. As I said, the kids are self-ruling and all powerful and because I am a step, I feel totally helpless. Please someone help!
Step Grandchildren...
- Thread starter AnaB2142
- Start date
Not much you can do.if I were you, I'd probably limit the time I spent with them, see them, do the grandma thing and leave. I don't think I could do extended time with kids like that either. It's a shame their parents aren't equipping them to love in the world.
I have to agree with IADad on most of his points. However, I want to add that if the children are in your home, any children for that matter. You do have the right to correct the behavior. The kids will learn and they will figure it out. Good luck, this has less to do with be a step anything and more to do with a parent who does not know how to direct her children.
I'm agreeing with everyone else, it's a tough one. Do you have a decent relationship with your step daughter, I'm wondering if she allows this because she knows it annoys you??AnaB2142 said:
I guess if you have to go to their home than limit your time to a very short amount, if your husband wants to stay than you might have to leave with out him just to make your point.
If you have them over your house,than I agree with M2M that you do have a right take control, if I were you, I'd buy some toys, and keep them at my house and when the kids come over tell them to go out and play with the toys, it might cost you a little but you will get the peace of mind. (and have control)
The flip side to this is that the SD may not like it, and might get confrontational, if that happens I would NEVER say your kids are unruly instead I'd say 'but I feel so sorry for the children b/c they have nothing to do but hang around with us boring adults' make it like you have the children's best interest at heart. Other people will get what you really mean and will probably thank you for it. lol
And if the mom does goes off, she looks like the fool not you.
The other problem is that someone may have to keep an eye on the kids if they are alone outside, I don't know how your get together s go.
My mom always had toys in her own home, or what she called a 'rainy day bag' full of crafts and, board games, playing cards, coloring books... things that kept us/and our kids busy for hours on our own.
Probably for the same reasons!! lol
I don't know exactly what you mean by berserk. I would ignore, or pretend to ignore, behavior like that unless it was dangerous (head banging for instance).
My approach is to use the best parenting skills I can with my own grandkids. That tends to have some positive effects and sometimes influences the parents to improve.
I find I can sometimes have more impact if the parent is detached.
I find that the worst parents can be the earnest incompetents. The ones that are really diligent at doing counter-productive actions, actions that ramp up tantrums and bad behavior.
My approach is to use the best parenting skills I can with my own grandkids. That tends to have some positive effects and sometimes influences the parents to improve.
I find I can sometimes have more impact if the parent is detached.
I find that the worst parents can be the earnest incompetents. The ones that are really diligent at doing counter-productive actions, actions that ramp up tantrums and bad behavior.
Last edited: