Stepfather Physically Disciplines my 16 Yr. Old Daughter...
- Thread starter cgmom
- Start date
Well yeah, but that's because you live in Texas and corporal punishment is not banned there. So they have the option of applying it, or not applying it at their school. In 30 of the American states its banned completely, whether your school is public or private.cgmom said:
Even 16 year old, out of control girls need to be validated. Is there some kind of reward you can give her for not having an attitude for an entire afternoon?
I think taking away priviledges is a sound form of discipline, but it must be accompanied by positive reinforcement for good behavior. Otherwise, all she knows is what NOT to do, but not what TO do. Even at 16, we can get confused.
I think taking away priviledges is a sound form of discipline, but it must be accompanied by positive reinforcement for good behavior. Otherwise, all she knows is what NOT to do, but not what TO do. Even at 16, we can get confused.
I remember my parents removed everything from my sisters room and I do mean everything, clothes, jewlry, nick knacks, drained her waterbed and removed her door. Her room was complety empty. She was probably about 16 at the time.
They handed her the clothes she could wear to school in the morning and she got dressed in the bathroom. They then allowed her to start earning back all her other possessions.
It was an eye opening experience for her. She really straightened up. Pulled up her grades and graduated high school. She now owns her own company and is doing quite well. She said looking back that was the moment she decided she needed to change.
I don't know if your daughter was as bad off as my sister but I thinl if the step father is looking towards physical punishment this might be a more age appropraite and effective displinary technique.
(Forgive my spelling and grammer please. Typing on a bb!!)
They handed her the clothes she could wear to school in the morning and she got dressed in the bathroom. They then allowed her to start earning back all her other possessions.
It was an eye opening experience for her. She really straightened up. Pulled up her grades and graduated high school. She now owns her own company and is doing quite well. She said looking back that was the moment she decided she needed to change.
I don't know if your daughter was as bad off as my sister but I thinl if the step father is looking towards physical punishment this might be a more age appropraite and effective displinary technique.
(Forgive my spelling and grammer please. Typing on a bb!!)
<t>I spoke with the assistant principal this week about my concerns, and he defended the school’s corporal punishment policy, and tried to assure me that my concerns are “normal” to have when students first transfer from public school. He said kids sometimes make cp sound a whole lot harsher than it really is, implying that is what my daughter was doing. He told me that everything was done “by the book” and there was nothing “out of the ordinary” that happened concerning my daughter’s paddling. He claimed there are plenty of students her age who are paddled for various offenses, and they turn out better for it. <br/>
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My daughter told me her side of the story, and frankly, if everything she told me is true, the way they went about it seems unusual, considering her age, appearance, and clothing she had on. <br/>
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“Technically” her school already has permission to use cp as a condition of her enrollment. Although it was my understanding that they still needed a parent to give specific permission at the time of the incident. However, the assistant principal said the purpose of the phone call home is for parental notification. They will allow parents to come in and carry it out if parents don’t want the administrative staff doing it themselves. <br/>
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He encouraged me to support the school’s practice - even if we want to come in and administer it - should there be a next time; and he said he thinks it will benefit my daughter if we give it a chance. <br/>
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He thinks she is rebelling because she hasn’t had enough parental discipline in the past, and that this is a big change for her – that she needs to learn obedience and respect for authority in a biblical sense. He said he told my husband this as well on the phone call home. My husband agreed with him. So I find myself feeling outnumbered, and short of pulling her out of school here, I'm not sure what else to do. I keep stressing to her that if she simply tries to follow the rules, she won't have to deal with any of this anymore. <br/>
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She still refuses to see a therapist, although she’s been talking to me a little more about things at the end of this week. I am just trying to get her to think a little more rationally about her priorities, and to work toward positive goals.</t>
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My daughter told me her side of the story, and frankly, if everything she told me is true, the way they went about it seems unusual, considering her age, appearance, and clothing she had on. <br/>
<br/>
“Technically” her school already has permission to use cp as a condition of her enrollment. Although it was my understanding that they still needed a parent to give specific permission at the time of the incident. However, the assistant principal said the purpose of the phone call home is for parental notification. They will allow parents to come in and carry it out if parents don’t want the administrative staff doing it themselves. <br/>
<br/>
He encouraged me to support the school’s practice - even if we want to come in and administer it - should there be a next time; and he said he thinks it will benefit my daughter if we give it a chance. <br/>
<br/>
He thinks she is rebelling because she hasn’t had enough parental discipline in the past, and that this is a big change for her – that she needs to learn obedience and respect for authority in a biblical sense. He said he told my husband this as well on the phone call home. My husband agreed with him. So I find myself feeling outnumbered, and short of pulling her out of school here, I'm not sure what else to do. I keep stressing to her that if she simply tries to follow the rules, she won't have to deal with any of this anymore. <br/>
<br/>
She still refuses to see a therapist, although she’s been talking to me a little more about things at the end of this week. I am just trying to get her to think a little more rationally about her priorities, and to work toward positive goals.</t>
As far as the school goes.... get a copy of their discipline police and go over it. The more you know, the better. I would also make it clear to your husband and the school that if this sort of situation comes up again that you are the only appropriate person when it comes to "parental notification".
As far as your daughter goes... it is so hard for any of use to understand what is going on with her. I was a mess when I was her age! And it wasn't anything I would talk to my parents about. Can you think of any adult she <I>would</I> talk to? When I was that age, there was a family friend who was in college and she really helped me out a lot. She was older, more mature, but not so old that I felt like she couldn't understand what I was going through. I too refused to see a therapist. When I was forced, I was a complete a$$!!!!
Another thing that seemed to work well for me, and still does, is letters. My dad would write me letters telling me how he felt, what he thought, and I would reply in a letter. It gave us both the time to think about what we were going to say and it avoided any sort of verbal screaming match. And of course, filling a letter with a ton of positive reinforcement helps. It would be good for you both to be able to express to one another that you recognize the good qualities each other have. You could phrase it like "I'm proud of you because....." "It makes me sad when...."
When I was in college I had a class about relationships and we practiced an effective form of communication that went something like this:
1. State the problem
2. Express what you sense about the problem
3. Tell what it is you are thinking about the problem
4. Tell how you feel about the problem
5. Tell what you want to happen about the problem
6. Tell of your intentions on how to solve the problem
The idea is, you go through each one of these steps, in that order, without the other person saying anything. Then, when you are done, they can do the same thing, or you can just discuss. It takes some practice to get it down, but when you do, it can be a extremely useful tool...not only for your daughter, but with everyone you come in contact with. Even if you can't get her to "participate", it's still good to do it on your own because it helps you understand and organize your thoughts.
As far as your daughter goes... it is so hard for any of use to understand what is going on with her. I was a mess when I was her age! And it wasn't anything I would talk to my parents about. Can you think of any adult she <I>would</I> talk to? When I was that age, there was a family friend who was in college and she really helped me out a lot. She was older, more mature, but not so old that I felt like she couldn't understand what I was going through. I too refused to see a therapist. When I was forced, I was a complete a$$!!!!
Another thing that seemed to work well for me, and still does, is letters. My dad would write me letters telling me how he felt, what he thought, and I would reply in a letter. It gave us both the time to think about what we were going to say and it avoided any sort of verbal screaming match. And of course, filling a letter with a ton of positive reinforcement helps. It would be good for you both to be able to express to one another that you recognize the good qualities each other have. You could phrase it like "I'm proud of you because....." "It makes me sad when...."
When I was in college I had a class about relationships and we practiced an effective form of communication that went something like this:
1. State the problem
2. Express what you sense about the problem
3. Tell what it is you are thinking about the problem
4. Tell how you feel about the problem
5. Tell what you want to happen about the problem
6. Tell of your intentions on how to solve the problem
The idea is, you go through each one of these steps, in that order, without the other person saying anything. Then, when you are done, they can do the same thing, or you can just discuss. It takes some practice to get it down, but when you do, it can be a extremely useful tool...not only for your daughter, but with everyone you come in contact with. Even if you can't get her to "participate", it's still good to do it on your own because it helps you understand and organize your thoughts.
It's great that you did bring your concerns to the assistant principal.
Good for you. Of course he was going to defend it though.
Thats ok, now you know a little more about it than you did before. So why don't you ask some other professional (not associated with the school) for their opinion about cp. I'm thinking why don't you ask her pediatrician what he/she thinks about the whole thing.
Doctors are good because they usually have seen and heard about just about everything. Really. And most times they try to give their honest opinion if you ask. Maybe your daughter would not mind talking to him or her.
It can't hurt, and you'd be getting an outside professional opinion from someone you trust.
Another thing I wonder is, does your daughter's bio father have anything to do or say about it. What about other family members like your parents, or siblings, what do they think?
I still boggles my mind that people (and educated people) believe that physically hurting someone will make them better! ! HOW?
And they put so much thought into it, that's the part that frightens me the most.
Good for you. Of course he was going to defend it though.
Thats ok, now you know a little more about it than you did before. So why don't you ask some other professional (not associated with the school) for their opinion about cp. I'm thinking why don't you ask her pediatrician what he/she thinks about the whole thing.
Doctors are good because they usually have seen and heard about just about everything. Really. And most times they try to give their honest opinion if you ask. Maybe your daughter would not mind talking to him or her.
It can't hurt, and you'd be getting an outside professional opinion from someone you trust.
Another thing I wonder is, does your daughter's bio father have anything to do or say about it. What about other family members like your parents, or siblings, what do they think?
I still boggles my mind that people (and educated people) believe that physically hurting someone will make them better! ! HOW?
And they put so much thought into it, that's the part that frightens me the most.
I think at the very least, if you want her to remain at that school, it should be more than fair for you to demand that a female staff member do the paddling should the time ever come again (hopefully not, but they make it sound like they do it all the time). And I don't think your husband should have any permission to physically punish your daughter at all.
I personally would switch schools though. She's 16, its normal for her to get into trouble and get caught drinking with her friends and stuff. There's no reason she should have to go through this IMO.
I personally would switch schools though. She's 16, its normal for her to get into trouble and get caught drinking with her friends and stuff. There's no reason she should have to go through this IMO.
<r><QUOTE author="cgmom;108027"><s>
I'm sorry, but that's just sick. Its like a ganster buying a gun so that others in the neighbourhood will "respect" him. He doesn't seem to understand the difference between respect and fear. Brutality breads fear. Respect is harder to earn. A sixteen year old is unlikely to just submit to something she feels is unfair, and so harsher punishment would very likely just make her rebel more.<br/>
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I agree with Xero - if you are set on keeping her in the school, I would insist on a female teacher doing the paddling, or alternate punishment, but personally I would take her out of there.</r>
</e></QUOTE>cgmom said:
I'm sorry, but that's just sick. Its like a ganster buying a gun so that others in the neighbourhood will "respect" him. He doesn't seem to understand the difference between respect and fear. Brutality breads fear. Respect is harder to earn. A sixteen year old is unlikely to just submit to something she feels is unfair, and so harsher punishment would very likely just make her rebel more.<br/>
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I agree with Xero - if you are set on keeping her in the school, I would insist on a female teacher doing the paddling, or alternate punishment, but personally I would take her out of there.</r>
I agree with those who say you need to get to the bottom of what she's rebelling AGAINST. Why is she so angry? There are so many possibilities, some of which are very serious: she was abused, she was raped, she has huge issues with her real father, she hates her step-father, etc. And let's face it, in 90% of the cases, there is also good old teenage angsty "my parents hate me" going on in there as well.
Remember that to have reached this level of rebellion, she must have very little trust for you right now. Reaching out to her now is approximately akin to hitting your dog with a bat twenty times and then holding out your hand with a treat. That doesn't mean you should stop trying to hold out your hand, but it DOES mean you shouldn't be surprised if she doesn't take the treat right away.
The thing is, if you try to reach out to her while simultaneously supporting her being beaten, I kinda think she'll NEVER take the treat. But I'm in the anti-CP camp anyway.
One possibility regarding therapy: YOU start therapy without her, and possibly with your husband too. Tell her that you love her, but you feel like you're losing her, and you don't know what to do to make her happy, and you don't know how to deal with the way she treats you, and that you need to talk to someone. And then offer her the chance to come with you. But don't pressure her to do so. Just keep reminding her that you love her and you just want to find a way to fix your relationship.
It is CRITICAL (in my opinion) that this not come across as "we want to fix you because you're bad/broken." This is about improving your relationship and helping each other find happiness together. The behavior will resolve itself, in my opinion, if you can do that.
I'm with single dad and others on most of this stuff. I would run screaming from that school, personally. I have my concerns about the step-father and his kids too. And if this is how they treat her, I can only imagine that this is part of what she's angry about inside.
Just my 2 cents...good luck!
~s
Remember that to have reached this level of rebellion, she must have very little trust for you right now. Reaching out to her now is approximately akin to hitting your dog with a bat twenty times and then holding out your hand with a treat. That doesn't mean you should stop trying to hold out your hand, but it DOES mean you shouldn't be surprised if she doesn't take the treat right away.
The thing is, if you try to reach out to her while simultaneously supporting her being beaten, I kinda think she'll NEVER take the treat. But I'm in the anti-CP camp anyway.
One possibility regarding therapy: YOU start therapy without her, and possibly with your husband too. Tell her that you love her, but you feel like you're losing her, and you don't know what to do to make her happy, and you don't know how to deal with the way she treats you, and that you need to talk to someone. And then offer her the chance to come with you. But don't pressure her to do so. Just keep reminding her that you love her and you just want to find a way to fix your relationship.
It is CRITICAL (in my opinion) that this not come across as "we want to fix you because you're bad/broken." This is about improving your relationship and helping each other find happiness together. The behavior will resolve itself, in my opinion, if you can do that.
I'm with single dad and others on most of this stuff. I would run screaming from that school, personally. I have my concerns about the step-father and his kids too. And if this is how they treat her, I can only imagine that this is part of what she's angry about inside.
Just my 2 cents...good luck!
~s
This is very true. If I can share some of my story - when I was your daughter's age I was every parent's worst nightmare. My grandmother finally managed to get us out of the foster-care system when we were 16, and even though she wasn't the one I was agry with, and she never did anything to harm me, I had so much anger inside that I didn't know what to do with, that I was unable to open up to her. I could go into a lot of detail, but what I got from her was unconditional love, and it still took about a year before I felt comfortable enough to open the door to just a tiny crack and allow her to see something of the chaos in my head.sbattisti said:
It takes time. But be patient, she needs you even if she doesn't show it (or for that matter know it) yet.
Yes yes yes! Try to make it clear that you're trying to force her to do things because there is something wrong with her. Rather explain to her that you can see she is unhappy, and that you want to help her be happy again. Explain to her why you think its a good idea for her to see a therapist (get as much information as you need for this), and then leave the decision to her (sort-of like, I think you should go, here's why, what do you think?)sbattisti said:
Mentioning that you really think it would help her to talk about what she is feeling, and that you can understand if she doesn't want to talk to you just yet, may be a good place to start.
Umm, yes. Definitely missing a NOT.sbattisti said:Just a quick note: SingleDad, I think you're missing a NOT in the above section.
Make it clear that you are NOT trying to force her...
<t>Thanks for everyone’s encouragement. It’s been very rough around my home lately. While I am still trying to be positive and encourage her to go to counseling, she’s not budging an inch. My husband and I went to meet with her school counselor, and he reassured us that they think they can make progress with my daughter if we give her some time to adjust. He was persuasive that they have a proven track record with students like my daughter. <br/>
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As for why my daughter is so angry in general? I don’t have a clue as to what event might have started her down this road. Her biological father left us when she was little, and she seemed to be adjusting fine during childhood. But somehow when she approached 14 years old, I started seeing a change in her. At first she became more reclusive and moody. She wasn’t herself anymore. Then it just got progressively worse from there. She doesn’t even acknowledge that she has changed in anyway, when I try to talk with her. <br/>
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My husband thinks she’s narcissistic, self-absorbed, and spoiled. Ever since this incident happened, he is getting more steadfast in thinking her new school is exactly what she needs. And he doesn’t regret spanking her either. He keeps saying that her discipline should be purposely unpleasant to her – not emphasizing pain; but rather emphasizing humility – because she is arrogant and full of herself. I told him my concerns about what happened, and he tries to convince me that she needs “real consequences” if she is going to turn around. <br/>
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I come on here, and think deeply about what everyone is saying, and then I try expressing these ideas to my husband, to my daughter, and to her school; and my daughter does not help herself by being so uncooperative. She’s leaving me little, if anything, to say in her favor. My husband and her school counselor argue that nothing along these lines has worked in the past, and that being firm with her is the best option at this point. <br/>
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Her school counselor thinks a big reason my daughter is acting this way is because she spent a good amount of her childhood without a father in the home. He thinks my husband needs to take a proactive role in her life, and fill that void. The counselor also thinks I need to acquiesce, and let me husband deal with her when she gets in trouble. <br/>
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I feel like I am alone and out on a limb with trying the gentler approach since it hasn’t worked with her in the past. My husband and her school have a much different disciplinary philosophy, and she is not giving me any indication she wants to take any of my suggestions. <br/>
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I feel very overwhelmed at this point, and think finding myself a therapist might be a good idea.</t>
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As for why my daughter is so angry in general? I don’t have a clue as to what event might have started her down this road. Her biological father left us when she was little, and she seemed to be adjusting fine during childhood. But somehow when she approached 14 years old, I started seeing a change in her. At first she became more reclusive and moody. She wasn’t herself anymore. Then it just got progressively worse from there. She doesn’t even acknowledge that she has changed in anyway, when I try to talk with her. <br/>
<br/>
My husband thinks she’s narcissistic, self-absorbed, and spoiled. Ever since this incident happened, he is getting more steadfast in thinking her new school is exactly what she needs. And he doesn’t regret spanking her either. He keeps saying that her discipline should be purposely unpleasant to her – not emphasizing pain; but rather emphasizing humility – because she is arrogant and full of herself. I told him my concerns about what happened, and he tries to convince me that she needs “real consequences” if she is going to turn around. <br/>
<br/>
I come on here, and think deeply about what everyone is saying, and then I try expressing these ideas to my husband, to my daughter, and to her school; and my daughter does not help herself by being so uncooperative. She’s leaving me little, if anything, to say in her favor. My husband and her school counselor argue that nothing along these lines has worked in the past, and that being firm with her is the best option at this point. <br/>
<br/>
Her school counselor thinks a big reason my daughter is acting this way is because she spent a good amount of her childhood without a father in the home. He thinks my husband needs to take a proactive role in her life, and fill that void. The counselor also thinks I need to acquiesce, and let me husband deal with her when she gets in trouble. <br/>
<br/>
I feel like I am alone and out on a limb with trying the gentler approach since it hasn’t worked with her in the past. My husband and her school have a much different disciplinary philosophy, and she is not giving me any indication she wants to take any of my suggestions. <br/>
<br/>
I feel very overwhelmed at this point, and think finding myself a therapist might be a good idea.</t>
<r><QUOTE author="cgmom;108327"><s>
Uhhh, you mean she is a typical teenager???? I am still thinking that a lot of this sounds hormonal. Especially since it started around the time she was 14. Being a teenager is NOT easy for a lot of kids. It wasn't for me at all, and like I said, getting on the birth control pill helped even out my hormones a lot and made my life a lot easier to live. I didn't understand why I acted the way I did and as terrible as it was for my parents, it was even worse for me. <br/>
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I'm sorry you are feeling all alone in this. It must be very hard. I totally disagree with everyone who says that your husband should take a more active role. I sense you are not comfortable with this, and I would in no way listen to such advice unless you are 100% with it. I'd tell your husband to focus on his own child and you will do the same. I can't believe that his son lives with you and has no job at his age. What is he doing with all the time he has??? I think it would be a terrific idea for you to seek out counseling on your own. You <I><s><I></s>need<e></I></e></I> the support. And you deserve to have it. Don't cave in to outside pressure. You know what feels right in your heart and if you don't listen to it you will likely never forgive yourself. Since your daughter won't get help, I suggest you get some for yourself ASAP so that you can be strong for her. I'm thinking about you and hope that this forum is giving you some kind of outlet and support group.</r>
</e></QUOTE>cgmom said:
Uhhh, you mean she is a typical teenager???? I am still thinking that a lot of this sounds hormonal. Especially since it started around the time she was 14. Being a teenager is NOT easy for a lot of kids. It wasn't for me at all, and like I said, getting on the birth control pill helped even out my hormones a lot and made my life a lot easier to live. I didn't understand why I acted the way I did and as terrible as it was for my parents, it was even worse for me. <br/>
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I'm sorry you are feeling all alone in this. It must be very hard. I totally disagree with everyone who says that your husband should take a more active role. I sense you are not comfortable with this, and I would in no way listen to such advice unless you are 100% with it. I'd tell your husband to focus on his own child and you will do the same. I can't believe that his son lives with you and has no job at his age. What is he doing with all the time he has??? I think it would be a terrific idea for you to seek out counseling on your own. You <I><s><I></s>need<e></I></e></I> the support. And you deserve to have it. Don't cave in to outside pressure. You know what feels right in your heart and if you don't listen to it you will likely never forgive yourself. Since your daughter won't get help, I suggest you get some for yourself ASAP so that you can be strong for her. I'm thinking about you and hope that this forum is giving you some kind of outlet and support group.</r>
Just to throw another voice in here: I'm a guy, and my hair stands on end when I hear you say how they insist that her problem is essentially that "she needs a man to straighten her out." What freaking century is it over there? There are thousands upon thousands of well-behaved children raised by single moms who have no men in their lives.
I'm not saying that she wouldn't benefit from a positive relationship with a father figure, but that doesn't sound AT ALL like what's being suggested here. It's basically like, "your husband is handy, let him slap her around her a bit, get her in line."
To be honest, I'm more worried by the fact that you don't know why your daughter is so angry. That makes me fear even more that there was some traumatic event in her life (rape, molestation) that she's afraid to tell you about. I'm not trying to scare you, and perhaps we just watch too many TV shows about stuff like that, but there is a REASON for her anger. I continue to think that the key to resolving this is finding out why she is so angry.
Have you considered taking a trip with your daughter, just you two alone? Maybe she would open up more away from your husband and the other boys? Is there something special she'd like to do? I realize it seems antithetical to "reward" her for this behavior. Just throwing out ideas.
I will again urge YOU to see a counselor. At this point, I'm terrified of her school.
I'm not saying that she wouldn't benefit from a positive relationship with a father figure, but that doesn't sound AT ALL like what's being suggested here. It's basically like, "your husband is handy, let him slap her around her a bit, get her in line."
To be honest, I'm more worried by the fact that you don't know why your daughter is so angry. That makes me fear even more that there was some traumatic event in her life (rape, molestation) that she's afraid to tell you about. I'm not trying to scare you, and perhaps we just watch too many TV shows about stuff like that, but there is a REASON for her anger. I continue to think that the key to resolving this is finding out why she is so angry.
Have you considered taking a trip with your daughter, just you two alone? Maybe she would open up more away from your husband and the other boys? Is there something special she'd like to do? I realize it seems antithetical to "reward" her for this behavior. Just throwing out ideas.
I will again urge YOU to see a counselor. At this point, I'm terrified of her school.
YOU make the decisions for how your child will be raised and treated, cgmom. Not her school, not your husband. Obviously he doesn't do a very good job raising kids anyway, considering his 21 year old still lives with him and is (what sounds like) doing nothing with his life. I'm sorry, but he does NOT qualify. He is obviously only making things worse, and I'm sorry but that school you send her to is just plain not normal. You need to put your foot down and let your daughter go back to public school, and tell your husband to back off. You only get one chance to raise your kids. You can't screw it up and then go back and try again. If you ruined your chance, your kids will not have a good relationship with you and they will resent you for a long time.
Maybe she's acting kind of crazy, but that really is part of being a teenager and adjusting to all the new hormones. Its not easy! Like someone else said, you could try the BC pill with her. Its not just for birth control, it is also used to treat irregular periods and out of control hormones. My sister was on the pill as a teen and remained a virgin for two years!
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but you are essentially ignoring her cries for help. She needs you, and you are letting your husband and this creepy school take over her world.
I also like the idea of taking her on a trip, just you and her. I'm really not trying to come off as harsh, but I just think you should step up. Too much has already happened to her. She is almost an adult. There is no reason anyone should be trying to control her, or beat her into submission. She needs to grow up and spread her wings. That wont happen if this stuff keeps going on.
Maybe she's acting kind of crazy, but that really is part of being a teenager and adjusting to all the new hormones. Its not easy! Like someone else said, you could try the BC pill with her. Its not just for birth control, it is also used to treat irregular periods and out of control hormones. My sister was on the pill as a teen and remained a virgin for two years!
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but you are essentially ignoring her cries for help. She needs you, and you are letting your husband and this creepy school take over her world.
I also like the idea of taking her on a trip, just you and her. I'm really not trying to come off as harsh, but I just think you should step up. Too much has already happened to her. She is almost an adult. There is no reason anyone should be trying to control her, or beat her into submission. She needs to grow up and spread her wings. That wont happen if this stuff keeps going on.
You have to make a decision Cgmom, And I hate to say it, but it may come down to doing what you think is right and going against your husband. Your allowed to have a thought different from his.
She is going to turn 18 in 2 years, do you really think she will keep living with you if you allow your husband to take control over her. I strongly doubt it. Technically she can leave you now, in most states, she can legally emancipate herself from your home, if she feels threatened by her step-father.
In my state all she needs to show is that she is working, and living in a room or some other safe place, it happens all the time.
If this was me, first of all I would never put a man before my child. Second of all, if by chance I did remarry I would make it clear that certain
matters dealing with my child are mine alone, and I would defiantly stress discipline as being one of them.
I agree that you have to step up and out of your comfort zone, this is bound to get nasty because you will have to choose a side sooner or later, I can't even imagine what will happen if your daughter gets paddled again.
Why don't you get an outside opinion, NOT affiliated with that crazy school! We don't own our children, we're suppose to allow them, and guide them as they progress into individuals sometimes totally different from ourselves.
I have to ask, did your husband discipline his children by hitting, or paddling them? Was he treated that was as a child himself?
I'm just trying to understand his mind-frame.
She is going to turn 18 in 2 years, do you really think she will keep living with you if you allow your husband to take control over her. I strongly doubt it. Technically she can leave you now, in most states, she can legally emancipate herself from your home, if she feels threatened by her step-father.
In my state all she needs to show is that she is working, and living in a room or some other safe place, it happens all the time.
If this was me, first of all I would never put a man before my child. Second of all, if by chance I did remarry I would make it clear that certain
matters dealing with my child are mine alone, and I would defiantly stress discipline as being one of them.
I agree that you have to step up and out of your comfort zone, this is bound to get nasty because you will have to choose a side sooner or later, I can't even imagine what will happen if your daughter gets paddled again.
Why don't you get an outside opinion, NOT affiliated with that crazy school! We don't own our children, we're suppose to allow them, and guide them as they progress into individuals sometimes totally different from ourselves.
I have to ask, did your husband discipline his children by hitting, or paddling them? Was he treated that was as a child himself?
I'm just trying to understand his mind-frame.