I had a thought about maybe trying to spin this around a different way. Everyone's talking about what's wrong and how to fix it. What about approaching it form a "what's right and can be improved upon" perspective? What does this young woman want for herself, for her life, what's her passion? Do you know? I think those are the things you should make some one-on-one time with her about to sort out. See if you can come up with a plan together to make some things happen. If you can do that, maybe what she's been through will have been worth something (i.e. to snap her into reality that she needs to start doing some things right, working with you etc.) I'm not saying what he or the school did was right, but it's done, it happened, maybe you can use that as a spring board for something more positive. And I agree that the stepson is an immature bully and should have no place in this and if your husband allows it then it shows something about how well he's raised kids. There's a lot more to raising kids than obedience. Just because this guy says "please , thank you and yes sir" doesn't mean he's a good person. I hope you can re-connect with her in some way before she ends up a runaway or something.
Stepfather Physically Disciplines my 16 Yr. Old Daughter...
- Thread starter cgmom
- Start date
<t>I had my daughter when I was only 17 years old. I’m 33 now. My husband is considerably older than me. He is 49. I met my husband seven years ago, and we’ve been married for five years. He has done so much for my daughter and me. He put me through college, and has provided us a much better standard of living than we previously had. I don’t mean to suggest these are the only reasons I am with him. I do love him, and he has many good qualities. <br/>
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That being said, our family structure is not how I thought it would be when I got married. Essentially, the structure seems more like 1. Husband, 2. Stepson, 3. Me, 4. My daughter. <br/>
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With my husband being much older than me, he has always been more like a father figure to me in our marriage. He’s extremely intelligent and successful and has a lot of life experience that I don’t have. Although he will listen to my input, he makes many of the big decisions. He manages our money, and pays all the bills. Whereas I don’t feel like I have much authority as his wife – especially when it comes to his son. His son doesn’t feel he needs to listen to me, and does not see me as his “step mother” given our ages. <br/>
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And when his friends are over the house, my daughter tries to act older and impress them by flirting with them and wearing more revealing clothes. His friends react to her, and like her – which always has me on guard because she is attractive and she looks older than 16. <br/>
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How has my daughter been since the incident? She’s been somewhat calmer in the sense that she’s not so explosive with arguing. She did get a detention at school for not completing a few homework assignments, but she made the homework up in that detention. <br/>
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My husband has been a lot more authoritative recently - almost like he’s validated by how school administrators feel. Although he lets his son get by without doing much of anything since he dropped out of school last year. He’s been looking for a job this whole time, but my husband wants him to go back and finish his degree. My husband holds my daughter to a much higher standard than his son.</t>
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That being said, our family structure is not how I thought it would be when I got married. Essentially, the structure seems more like 1. Husband, 2. Stepson, 3. Me, 4. My daughter. <br/>
<br/>
With my husband being much older than me, he has always been more like a father figure to me in our marriage. He’s extremely intelligent and successful and has a lot of life experience that I don’t have. Although he will listen to my input, he makes many of the big decisions. He manages our money, and pays all the bills. Whereas I don’t feel like I have much authority as his wife – especially when it comes to his son. His son doesn’t feel he needs to listen to me, and does not see me as his “step mother” given our ages. <br/>
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And when his friends are over the house, my daughter tries to act older and impress them by flirting with them and wearing more revealing clothes. His friends react to her, and like her – which always has me on guard because she is attractive and she looks older than 16. <br/>
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How has my daughter been since the incident? She’s been somewhat calmer in the sense that she’s not so explosive with arguing. She did get a detention at school for not completing a few homework assignments, but she made the homework up in that detention. <br/>
<br/>
My husband has been a lot more authoritative recently - almost like he’s validated by how school administrators feel. Although he lets his son get by without doing much of anything since he dropped out of school last year. He’s been looking for a job this whole time, but my husband wants him to go back and finish his degree. My husband holds my daughter to a much higher standard than his son.</t>
That's interesting information, but you still haven't really answered what your daughter's relationship is with your new husband. Do they get along? Does she look up to him? Does she hate him? Does she fully consider him her "dad"? Does she have a relationship with her biological dad?
Seems to me this is very important to understanding the dynamic in your family...
Seems to me this is very important to understanding the dynamic in your family...
<r><QUOTE author="sbattisti;108372"><s>
She has grown apart from the both of us in the past two years. She doesn’t “hate” him, but I think she feels he holds her to a much higher standard than her stepbrother, and she resents that. Honestly, I resent that too. I don’t blame her for feeling that way. He is protective of her because she’s a girl, as compared to how he treats his son.<br/>
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We don’t have any contact with her biological father. He was not ready to be a father when I had my daughter. He and I parted ways when she was still a baby. She doesn’t have any memories of him. <br/>
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As for whether my daughter considers my husband her “dad,” I think she does to a degree. However, she’s at that age where she doesn’t always feel she has to listen, and that’s where the tension is.</r>
</e></QUOTE>sbattisti said:
She has grown apart from the both of us in the past two years. She doesn’t “hate” him, but I think she feels he holds her to a much higher standard than her stepbrother, and she resents that. Honestly, I resent that too. I don’t blame her for feeling that way. He is protective of her because she’s a girl, as compared to how he treats his son.<br/>
<br/>
We don’t have any contact with her biological father. He was not ready to be a father when I had my daughter. He and I parted ways when she was still a baby. She doesn’t have any memories of him. <br/>
<br/>
As for whether my daughter considers my husband her “dad,” I think she does to a degree. However, she’s at that age where she doesn’t always feel she has to listen, and that’s where the tension is.</r>
Hey my adoptive mom is 36 and I'm 23! His son SHOULD and CAN respect you, age differences do not matter, you are his father's wife! And your husband should really control his kid a little better before he demands to have control over your daughter. IMO
<t>The most recent bone of contention this week is my daughter wearing revealing tops and super short shorts around my stepson and his friends when she comes home from school and changes. My husband and I both think that’s inappropriate, and my husband told my daughter that he wants her to stay in her uniform until dinner time, or after dinner if her homework is not finished by dinner time. <br/>
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I told him I think that’s a little much, but then he said the alternative is that he would have to constantly be policing what she wears after school around the house. I feel like my daughter and husband are two polar extremes butting heads with little compromise in the middle. <br/>
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Obviously, my daughter did not take well to that idea, and my husband is insisting I back him on this. I privately expressed to him that I think we should put her back in public school and let her finish out there, but he thinks she won’t finish school if we put her back there. She and her friends at her old school would skip school, and hang out instead of going to class. He has a point there, but on the other hand, I think her new school is too much of a culture shock on my daughter with all the biblical teaching and stricter discipline.</t>
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I told him I think that’s a little much, but then he said the alternative is that he would have to constantly be policing what she wears after school around the house. I feel like my daughter and husband are two polar extremes butting heads with little compromise in the middle. <br/>
<br/>
Obviously, my daughter did not take well to that idea, and my husband is insisting I back him on this. I privately expressed to him that I think we should put her back in public school and let her finish out there, but he thinks she won’t finish school if we put her back there. She and her friends at her old school would skip school, and hang out instead of going to class. He has a point there, but on the other hand, I think her new school is too much of a culture shock on my daughter with all the biblical teaching and stricter discipline.</t>
That's a little ridiculous. She can't even wear what she want's in her own house becuase her step brother and his friends are immature. I'd be pretty pissed off too.
I know you said that your step son doesn't listen to you, but when you try and dicipline him does your husband back you up at all?
<t>Father of 7 – Like I was saying, there’s never any compromise between my husband and daughter. They push and pull from one extreme to the other. It’s not so much about my stepson and his friends being immature; it’s more about my daughter intentionally trying to look suggestive around the older boys. She does it for attention. I share my husband’s concern here because I don’t want my stepson’s friends going after my daughter when she’s using her appearance to attract them. <br/>
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When I try and discipline my stepson, he might listen initially more to pacify me than anything else, but he rarely will change his behavior long-term based on something I tell him. My husband does not put the same emphasis on supervising his son, as he does my daughter mostly because of their age difference and genders. He’s a lot more protective of her at her age because he knows how boys are at her age.</t>
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When I try and discipline my stepson, he might listen initially more to pacify me than anything else, but he rarely will change his behavior long-term based on something I tell him. My husband does not put the same emphasis on supervising his son, as he does my daughter mostly because of their age difference and genders. He’s a lot more protective of her at her age because he knows how boys are at her age.</t>
It's beyond that. I don't feel I have much of a role in being able to discipline him with how our family functions. He respects me and doesn't mouth off to me, but on the other hand, he doesn't really listen to me other than to pacify me in the short term.Father_0f_7 said:
My husband did back me up when I freaked out about my stepson and his friend being in the house and up and down the hall during what happened. My husband reinforced my instructions that my stepson and his friends better not taunt her or spread what happened to other people.
Although, my daughter said that my stepson's other friends all seem to know about it, so what good was my husband backing me up anyway? This is a perfect example of how things go.
My point was being that if he doesn't back you up why would he expect you to back him up?
I hate to do the whole "one parent handle this kid, one parent handle the other" but it seems liek you do much better with your daughter than he does.
I hate to do the whole "one parent handle this kid, one parent handle the other" but it seems liek you do much better with your daughter than he does.
I think it's pretty typical for teenage girls to wear skimpy clothing. I remember being that age and I also remember the sense of power it gave me to show some skin. It certainly attracts a lot of attention, and that was what I was aiming for! I didn't feel like I had any control or power at that age, and showing some skin gave me a taste of "power", even if it was not a good way to get it.
I am still stuck on the stepson and friends thing. When she comes home from school, he should be WORKING, or be in CLASS, not hanging out with friends in your house.
Personally, I wouldn't back the husband on this one. She is home, and she should be able to wear what she wants. You have to pick your battles and you should save your energy for the "big" issues. If you want to impose a dress code in your own house, it should apply to all members of the household, not just one person. If she has to wear her uniform in the house, then the guys shouldn't be allowed to go bare chested in boxers. It just seems like a ridiculous thing to be focusing on.
I am still stuck on the stepson and friends thing. When she comes home from school, he should be WORKING, or be in CLASS, not hanging out with friends in your house.
Personally, I wouldn't back the husband on this one. She is home, and she should be able to wear what she wants. You have to pick your battles and you should save your energy for the "big" issues. If you want to impose a dress code in your own house, it should apply to all members of the household, not just one person. If she has to wear her uniform in the house, then the guys shouldn't be allowed to go bare chested in boxers. It just seems like a ridiculous thing to be focusing on.
I think, more and more, you guys are running into scenarios where you are devising "special rules" just for your daughter. Those will make her feel excluded and "singled out," particularly compared to the boys.
I've never had a girl, but it's my belief that no parent has EVER really been successful in censoring clothing. No short skirts? The girls will roll them up as soon as they're out of sight, as you've already found. (Catholic girls have been doing this since my mom was in school 50 years ago!) No low-cut blouses? They'll wear a shirt over and take it off as soon as you're out of sight.
What are you hoping to accomplish by making her dress like a nun in front of the other boys? Is it possible she's attracted to one of her step-brothers' friends? Is it possible she's attracted to her step-brother? What behavior problems have happened as a result of her dressing like that in front of your step-son and his friends?
It just seems to me like you need to pick your battles right now, and aside from the vague "I wish she weren't teasing them" argument, I can't think of any obvious reason why you need to put the hammer down on her clothes at home.
Another possibility, again depending on the nature of your relationship with your daughter:
Another heart-to-heart with just you and her. Explain to her why you and your husband are upset with her behavior. Tell her that you're unsure how to find a balance that is fair for both of you. Explain that your husband feels you should be STRICTER with her, but you're not sure that's the best idea. Tell your daughter that unless she wants to be treated more strictly, including the possibility of physical punishment, that she needs to work WITH you to come up with some fair guidelines you can each follow.
Just an idea.
~S
I've never had a girl, but it's my belief that no parent has EVER really been successful in censoring clothing. No short skirts? The girls will roll them up as soon as they're out of sight, as you've already found. (Catholic girls have been doing this since my mom was in school 50 years ago!) No low-cut blouses? They'll wear a shirt over and take it off as soon as you're out of sight.
What are you hoping to accomplish by making her dress like a nun in front of the other boys? Is it possible she's attracted to one of her step-brothers' friends? Is it possible she's attracted to her step-brother? What behavior problems have happened as a result of her dressing like that in front of your step-son and his friends?
It just seems to me like you need to pick your battles right now, and aside from the vague "I wish she weren't teasing them" argument, I can't think of any obvious reason why you need to put the hammer down on her clothes at home.
Another possibility, again depending on the nature of your relationship with your daughter:
Another heart-to-heart with just you and her. Explain to her why you and your husband are upset with her behavior. Tell her that you're unsure how to find a balance that is fair for both of you. Explain that your husband feels you should be STRICTER with her, but you're not sure that's the best idea. Tell your daughter that unless she wants to be treated more strictly, including the possibility of physical punishment, that she needs to work WITH you to come up with some fair guidelines you can each follow.
Just an idea.
~S
<r><QUOTE author="stjohnjulie;108421"><s>
In many ways, "ridiculous" is a huge understatement, when I tell you my husband thinks I should wear something similar around the house to “set an example” for my daughter. Well, my daughter jumped all over that idea by agreeing with my husband! I told both of them that he is going too far with his demands and that there is NO WAY I am going to wear anything that even remotely resembles my daughter’s school clothes around the house. And now she is refusing to do so unless I do it too.<br/>
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I told him that if boys are going to be attracted to my daughter, it’s not going to matter of whether she’s wearing short-shorts around the house or her school uniform. Her uniform looks just like the ones in Catholic schools with the plaid skirt and long socks. And she’ll just roll her skirt up anyway – so the real problem is making sure there’s no opportunity for her to be alone with any of the boys that come over. <br/>
<br/>
My husband’s concern is that my stepson’s friends find my daughter attractive, and she purposely flirts with them for attention. I’ve seen where it starts off as joking around, then it gets into playful banter, then tickling where she’s being embraced while getting tickled. I have to agree with my husband and think this is inappropriate. She’ll often sit on the couch and drape her leg over the boy sitting next to her. And my husband feels that when she’s wearing short-shorts and has a bare midriff, and is wearing a low-cut shirt, she’s sending the wrong signals to the older kids. <br/>
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So now he’s making me the “bad guy” because I am refusing to “set the right example” for my daughter, and she has been baiting him by saying she’ll willingly do it so long as I do it, because she knows I won’t. <br/>
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Sbattisti – I agree about keeping the lines of communication open. We’ve been going out for little errands together or for ice-cream where it’s just me and her out of the house. These little trips are showing some signs of progress. However, it is slow-going.</r>
</e></QUOTE>stjohnjulie said:
In many ways, "ridiculous" is a huge understatement, when I tell you my husband thinks I should wear something similar around the house to “set an example” for my daughter. Well, my daughter jumped all over that idea by agreeing with my husband! I told both of them that he is going too far with his demands and that there is NO WAY I am going to wear anything that even remotely resembles my daughter’s school clothes around the house. And now she is refusing to do so unless I do it too.<br/>
<br/>
I told him that if boys are going to be attracted to my daughter, it’s not going to matter of whether she’s wearing short-shorts around the house or her school uniform. Her uniform looks just like the ones in Catholic schools with the plaid skirt and long socks. And she’ll just roll her skirt up anyway – so the real problem is making sure there’s no opportunity for her to be alone with any of the boys that come over. <br/>
<br/>
My husband’s concern is that my stepson’s friends find my daughter attractive, and she purposely flirts with them for attention. I’ve seen where it starts off as joking around, then it gets into playful banter, then tickling where she’s being embraced while getting tickled. I have to agree with my husband and think this is inappropriate. She’ll often sit on the couch and drape her leg over the boy sitting next to her. And my husband feels that when she’s wearing short-shorts and has a bare midriff, and is wearing a low-cut shirt, she’s sending the wrong signals to the older kids. <br/>
<br/>
So now he’s making me the “bad guy” because I am refusing to “set the right example” for my daughter, and she has been baiting him by saying she’ll willingly do it so long as I do it, because she knows I won’t. <br/>
<br/>
Sbattisti – I agree about keeping the lines of communication open. We’ve been going out for little errands together or for ice-cream where it’s just me and her out of the house. These little trips are showing some signs of progress. However, it is slow-going.</r>
Another minor point: you can lay down the law about her behavior/dress in the house, but don't turn a blind eye to the fact that they can all walk down the street and behave in precisely the same way with you none the wiser. You can't lock her up. If you're worried that this may turn sexual, well . . . it may, and you can't prevent it from happening. The best you can do as your mom is to talk to her about sex, and respect for herself, and hope that she's very careful.
Incidentally, I really believe that the more she gets hit over the head with religious dogma, particularly as regards her budding sexuality, and particularly given that she is already rebellious and probably resents the hell out of the Christian school, the more she's going to rebel.
She's 16 and she most likely feels like her parents hate her. She might even feel like EVERYONE hates her. But when she flirts and dresses in scantily clothing, all of the boys like her and give her attention, and that feels GOOD. There is no teenager on the planet who can resist that, no matter what rules you set forth.
Incidentally, I really believe that the more she gets hit over the head with religious dogma, particularly as regards her budding sexuality, and particularly given that she is already rebellious and probably resents the hell out of the Christian school, the more she's going to rebel.
She's 16 and she most likely feels like her parents hate her. She might even feel like EVERYONE hates her. But when she flirts and dresses in scantily clothing, all of the boys like her and give her attention, and that feels GOOD. There is no teenager on the planet who can resist that, no matter what rules you set forth.
I totally see your point, and have tried to express this view as well. My husband's comeback would be that she was already rebelling back in public school, where she was on her way to getting kicked out, and that the reason was we were not firm enough with giving her consequences when she behaved badly.sbattisti said:
Now, my husband is overcompensating by becoming too extreme with rules and consequences targeted specifically at her. He expects "boys will be boys" and they will act the way they do; however, he doesn't want to accept that she's at that age where she needs acceptance by the opposite sex, and she is purposely acting in a suggestive manner. However unfair it sounds, he feels he can control her conduct more than the older boys.
The other aspect is that he truly feels she "deserves" this because of the way she's acted for the past two years. It's all cumulative in his mind when he talks about disciplining her. It's NOT just about the immediate issue that's being dealt with. And he feels I have contributed to the problem by being overprotective of her during this time. He feels my protection has led her to feel she can act without consequences, and now he has to correct all that has happened.
So when I try to stand up on her behalf, he brushes me off as continuing to be overprotective and contributing to the problem.
What a difficult situation you are facing! It's definitely not easy, and I hope that you will have the strength to keep at it.
When reading your posts, a couple of issues came through. One of the most important ones is that I think your daughter (and perhaps yourself?) are feeling really low in the self-respect area. I think that your daughter's overt sexual behavior is a response to this; a way to make her feel like she still has worth -and control- left. Her clothing, her hanging onto the boys, is a very powerful way of reinforcing her self-worth, albeit negative.
Restricting what she wears in the house will never work, first because her behavior will still be a problem (and may get even worse) and secondly because the issue is deeper than that.
The second thing that came through has to do with your daughter's anger and hostility. The reason why it is so difficult to deal with is that it really doesn't have any connection to what is going on at the moment; for her it is much deeper. And even though many adolescents are angry with their parents, basically because they think their parents' goal in life is to prevent them from having fun, your daughter's anger is a problem because it is not allowing you to have any relationship at all.
I'm not sure where the anger is coming from, though I also wonder what the "trigger" was at age 14. In any case, she won't tell you right now, even if you came out and asked her. Probably she herself doesn't even know why she is angry.
I think that right now you need to focus on rebuilding a relationship with her again. Here are a few suggestions:
1) Keep spending special time with her. Use this time to let her choose what she wants to do with you. Since the stepbrother is there, out of the house is probably better. Don't comment on what she wears, or how she looks-that is all external stuff and you'll never build a relationship with her if you criticize her over that.
2)Don't argue with her, under any circumstances. Use active listening instead. This is really difficult,I know, and it takes time until you get yourself out of the habit. But it takes two to tango, as they say. The level of stress in your house will go down significantly if you can do this.
Even more importantly, she needs to feel like she's being heard, and she needs to hear that you validate her needs. Validating doesn't mean you agree with what she does, but it does mean that you are showing her you understand this is important to her. Try reading, "How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk" for more details.
For example, if she says, "I have to dress like this-all my friends are doing it," don't let yourself fall into saying the usual stuff. The fact is that her friends ARE more important to her (in a way) than you.That's just how it is with teenagers.
You could answer, "Hmm, you don't want to be the weirdo wearing the nun suit. I hear you." Kids (and people in general)usually argue because they feel they are not heard. If you can do this, I guarantee you the anger in your house will go down by at least 50%.
3) Your husband and you need to sit down and make general house rules about what is allowed and not allowed, and then set consequences. These rules should be general, but I wouldn't let them focus on stuff like clothing, or single out specific people. You need rules that say: "Family members need to speak with respect towards other people. And: "No one is allowed to even lift a hand (or any other part of their body) against another person in this house."
And by the way I myself am religious, though not Christian, and we hold that even though traditionally you could hit a child up until 12 or 13 (only under certain circumstances, and certainly not out of anger), nowadays children are different and the age is much, much lower; it just causes them to be rebellious.
Making general rules for the house, and the consequences to go with them- means that when your stepson misbehaves, your husband will have to face that. After all, he sat down and made these rules (and he'll probably be happy to set rules, because he thinks there isn't enough discipline in the house).
When his son breaks a rule, you can just say, "X, you just broke rule #. The consequence for that is Y," and then go ahead and carry that out. If the stepson doesn't like it, or goes passive-aggressive, you can always remind him that these are the rules as long as he lives in this house. When he has his own house, he can do what he wants (hint hint
)"
Sorry for the long post. I hope this helps a little.
When reading your posts, a couple of issues came through. One of the most important ones is that I think your daughter (and perhaps yourself?) are feeling really low in the self-respect area. I think that your daughter's overt sexual behavior is a response to this; a way to make her feel like she still has worth -and control- left. Her clothing, her hanging onto the boys, is a very powerful way of reinforcing her self-worth, albeit negative.
Restricting what she wears in the house will never work, first because her behavior will still be a problem (and may get even worse) and secondly because the issue is deeper than that.
The second thing that came through has to do with your daughter's anger and hostility. The reason why it is so difficult to deal with is that it really doesn't have any connection to what is going on at the moment; for her it is much deeper. And even though many adolescents are angry with their parents, basically because they think their parents' goal in life is to prevent them from having fun, your daughter's anger is a problem because it is not allowing you to have any relationship at all.
I'm not sure where the anger is coming from, though I also wonder what the "trigger" was at age 14. In any case, she won't tell you right now, even if you came out and asked her. Probably she herself doesn't even know why she is angry.
I think that right now you need to focus on rebuilding a relationship with her again. Here are a few suggestions:
1) Keep spending special time with her. Use this time to let her choose what she wants to do with you. Since the stepbrother is there, out of the house is probably better. Don't comment on what she wears, or how she looks-that is all external stuff and you'll never build a relationship with her if you criticize her over that.
2)Don't argue with her, under any circumstances. Use active listening instead. This is really difficult,I know, and it takes time until you get yourself out of the habit. But it takes two to tango, as they say. The level of stress in your house will go down significantly if you can do this.
Even more importantly, she needs to feel like she's being heard, and she needs to hear that you validate her needs. Validating doesn't mean you agree with what she does, but it does mean that you are showing her you understand this is important to her. Try reading, "How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk" for more details.
For example, if she says, "I have to dress like this-all my friends are doing it," don't let yourself fall into saying the usual stuff. The fact is that her friends ARE more important to her (in a way) than you.That's just how it is with teenagers.
You could answer, "Hmm, you don't want to be the weirdo wearing the nun suit. I hear you." Kids (and people in general)usually argue because they feel they are not heard. If you can do this, I guarantee you the anger in your house will go down by at least 50%.
3) Your husband and you need to sit down and make general house rules about what is allowed and not allowed, and then set consequences. These rules should be general, but I wouldn't let them focus on stuff like clothing, or single out specific people. You need rules that say: "Family members need to speak with respect towards other people. And: "No one is allowed to even lift a hand (or any other part of their body) against another person in this house."
And by the way I myself am religious, though not Christian, and we hold that even though traditionally you could hit a child up until 12 or 13 (only under certain circumstances, and certainly not out of anger), nowadays children are different and the age is much, much lower; it just causes them to be rebellious.
Making general rules for the house, and the consequences to go with them- means that when your stepson misbehaves, your husband will have to face that. After all, he sat down and made these rules (and he'll probably be happy to set rules, because he thinks there isn't enough discipline in the house).
When his son breaks a rule, you can just say, "X, you just broke rule #. The consequence for that is Y," and then go ahead and carry that out. If the stepson doesn't like it, or goes passive-aggressive, you can always remind him that these are the rules as long as he lives in this house. When he has his own house, he can do what he wants (hint hint
)" Sorry for the long post. I hope this helps a little.
Bluntest thing ive probably ever said on here:
If my husband told me what I can and cant wear, if he told our girls what they can or cant wear in their own home, if he hit them, if he gave a stranger permission to hit one of our girls, told them that they cant react to male attention when they are hormonal teenagers and so on and so fourth, then he would not be welcome in our home until he pulled his head out of his backside, regardless of how much I love him and what he has done for me.
And for the record, im 35 and my husband is 52, and he treats me equally, and never treats me as a child.
If my husband told me what I can and cant wear, if he told our girls what they can or cant wear in their own home, if he hit them, if he gave a stranger permission to hit one of our girls, told them that they cant react to male attention when they are hormonal teenagers and so on and so fourth, then he would not be welcome in our home until he pulled his head out of his backside, regardless of how much I love him and what he has done for me.
And for the record, im 35 and my husband is 52, and he treats me equally, and never treats me as a child.