still a 'teen' mom...

[kittyloki]

I'm 25 with a 6 year old girl. I was 18 (I was in the 11 grade and dropped out of school) when I got pregnant and barley 19 when I had her. Everyone felt so bad for me even though I had a good man. We got married and live a pretty good life together.

Even though I'm now a real adult people usually treat me like a kid. I do look younger than I am. I will give people that. I just wish people would see me as the adult I am.

I think once you become a teen mom you have to wear that for a very long time. I'm sure I'm not alone.

 

[yunihara]

I know how you feel! Well, I'm not a mom, a dad, rather lol. But I'm only 16 years older than my twins. People have all sorts of things to say about that without knowing my story. I'm college educated and teach at a private high school, but people STILL have ideas of what i'm like and why the twins are 16 years younger. The only person who needs to worry about you is you SO I always ignore snide remarks. You've already beaten the odds and that's something to be proud of.

 

[kittyloki]

I know how you feel! Well, I'm not a mom, a dad, rather lol. But I'm only 16 years older than my twins. People have all sorts of things to say about that without knowing my story. I'm college educated and teach at a private high school, but people STILL have ideas of what i'm like and why the twins are 16 years younger. The only person who needs to worry about you is you SO I always ignore snide remarks. You've already beaten the odds and that's something to be proud of.

People assume a lot of things. I hate that. People assume I was some kind of 'bad girl' because I got pregnant young.

Yea I'm a good mom. I got my G.E.D and I'm saving money so I can go back to school. My husband is a good man. He was older than me so he was more 'settled' and ready to take care of a child.

I plan on having a 'normal' life despite having a kid young.

 

[yunihara]

When I became a parent (official guardian at 21), I had a lot of support. Both my wife and her family were a great help when the chaos of my late teens/early twenties happened. People do assume so much, it bothers me a lot as well. I always want to know people's stories, why doesn't everyone? It sounds like you're doing well, and you know, people will look down on you for one reason or another. Being a parent and how you parent is a particularly sore spot, I think, because being a parent generally means a lot to people, and they hate being judged. Its like people don't think you know what you're doing... every parent, no matter how old, is never fully prepared for baby #1 lol.

I think its good that you're striving to do well. Its a good example to your daughter how to succeed in the face adversity. Its a great life skill for her to know

 

[Xero]

Honestly, I got pregnant with my oldest at 19, had him when I was 20. I am now 26. I did get a lot of awkward treatment at the time, I suppose. Maybe even for the first couple of years. But now, even though I too look rather young for my age (or so I'm told, I can only assume it must be true considering how often I hear about it lol), no I do not still feel like the stigma follows me around.

To tell you the truth, I think it is more about how you feel about yourself, and how mature you actually are and how confident you are of your adulthood. If you live a certain kind of life, or you feel like you should be treated like a child, people are more likely to treat you that way, or even if they aren't, you are more likely to feel like they are. If that makes sense.

Me, yes I look young and I am young to have a 5.5 year old, but I know I am an adult, I act like an adult, and I refuse to be treated as anything but. I'm married, I have two kids, I own my home, I own two cars, I pay all my own bills (on time), my house is always clean, I cook dinner every night, my DH works very hard and if necessary I work as well (not currently necessary) and as a result we do not depend on the system or anyone else for anything, I don't go out and party and leave my kids with other people, my kids are always taken care of and I feel like we are good parents and raise our kids to be good people, my kids and my responsibilities ALWAYS come first. I refuse to be seen or treated as anything but an adult, because I know that I am one in every way. If anyone sees me as needing to be treated as young or irresponsible, I am honestly unaware of it.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

You don't have to be a parent, but if you don't fit the "norm" of what the people of certain age "should" look like, there you go...
If i'm wearing a tracksuit and no makeup or jewelry while shopping, i'm still sometimes asked for id and i'm over 30.

 

[akmom]

The "teen parent" stigma is very much a cultural one. In many parts of the world, and not so long ago in the U.S., it was perfectly normal to marry and have children at age 16. I find it odd to refer to an 18 or 19-year-old as a "teen parent," because it's more of a technicality. Yes, the digit in the ten's place is a 1, but legally they're adults.

I have many friends who married right after high school and had children in their "teens." It's still fairly common in Alaska. The key to the outcome, I think, is graduation and marriage. Your level of education (not when you get it) does impact your socioeconomic level, and single parenthood is pegged as the leading cause of poverty in the U.S. Unfortunately, when they report "teen pregnancy" rates, they actually group together 15-19 year-olds. What does that tell us? It tells us nothing about the truly concerning cases (14 and under) and combines high schoolers and graduates into one group. There is a huge difference between a 16-year-old who has to drop out of school to parent, versus a 19-year-old who has likely graduated from high school and possibly completed an associates degree by then. Teen pregnancies should be reported as "under 18." The 15-19 designation seems arbitrary to me.

That said, I think a lot of people feed the stigma out of a subconscious feeling of obligation. Do we really want to acknowledge success stories for a lifestyle we are trying to avoid as a society? I know it sounds absurd when you're talking about a private conversation, not a billboard. But I suspect that's part of people's train of thought.

 

[AlphaLeonis]

People assume a lot of things. I hate that. People assume I was some kind of 'bad girl' because I got pregnant young.

What anyone else thinks about you is none of your business. It has nothing to do with you.

Be pleased with yourself. Really.

As for the 'hate' (or worry/anger/dis-ease etc...), let it go. It ages you, and it is the precursor for <I>physical</I> disease to show up down the road. Not something you want to share/exemplify with your kids...

Enjoy your youthfulness.

Blessings,
*e

 

[babybibsplus]

I hate it when people label girls as bad because they got pregnant as a teen, that is so wrong. I work at a high school and we see pregnant teens all the time and they are very smart and good girls that just let things get carried away. You need to move on with your life and not worry about what others think. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments and hold your head up high.

 

[artmom]

I'm in my 30's with a teenage daughter and I still get strange looks and still get carded at the LC and restaurants. A waiter actually tried carding me for ordering a Shirley Temple.
But I still get shocked looks when people realize I have a kid and even more shocked when they realize she's a teenager. They tell me I look too young to have a kid. Some people will question and scrutinize everything I do. One lady at work accused me of starving my kid because I often by take away at work (co-workers having been stealing my food and belongings. So why bother bringing a bad lunch.) and I get odd looks on the bus.
It's hard to ignore but I try to not let it be a negative thing.
I take care of myself a great deal. I have ichthyosis vulgaris and to look like I have skin like everyone else, the top half of me, anyways, I use a ton of scrubs and all sorts of masks and I moisturize a lot. I wear very little make-up sometimes, but most of the time not at all. I never smoke and I go easy on the alcohol. I use spf 45 or higher sunscreen but I don't get out much during the winter.
I've noticed that it doesn't matter how old you are when you have a kid these days. People are looking younger later in life than they used and dressing younger. Long are the days of matronly skirt suits and shoulder pads and mom-jeans.