surprised? i sure am!!...

[Antoinette]

well i didn't think i would be posting here any time soon... so Danielle is pregnant. and now is a shocking turn of events David has decided to "make an honest woman out of her" yep that's right folks. he proposed after what? 5 months well it looks like Felix and Alega are going to have a step mum... how do i approach this?

do i be more friendly with her now she is going to be a step mother to my babies? if they stay together (which is a big IF, considering his track history) she is going to have a HUGE role in my children's lives from now on.. and she is carrying there half brother or sister.. she has been trying to organize a time for us to "catch up" for a "girls day" (which btw is an impossibility when you have two children under two and no real partner) should i start inviting her over for coffee or something? or just stay out of it and let them deal with it because other than being my babies dead beat dad he has no real role in my life anymore?

I am getting so over his petty little problems

 

[mom2many]

You have very valid points, and really it comes down to what you feel is the right thing to do.

When my hubby and I got back togather, and him with 2 children in tow, I worked at trying to keep a relationship with their mom open. I felt it was important for them, after all (at the time) I was only a step-parent. But in my case it was very onsided, she never called to see how the kids were she only called to bad mouth my husband. Over time I let it fall to the way side. Had she been more willing to co-parent I would have been more open.

So I guess to answer your question...yes, I would give it a shot. I would however try to keep talk of David to a minimum, try to keep it friendly so you can get a real feel for the person who is going to be in your child's lives, even if it is only temporary. You are doing this for Felix and Alegra, not for you, David or Danielle. You are putting their needs first, and if it doesn't work out, you know you tried.

 

[Antoinette]

that is pretty much the decision i was coming around to, if she is going to be a part of my children's lives i want her to be a positive part so if that means trusting her and letting her have an opinion on things she doesn't really need to have an opinion on i will try to do it because in the end i am fighting for the good of my babies not for what is easier for me.

 

[Hartz75]

i'd have to agree fo the kids sack you need to make a go of it. You don't need to be best buds, but friendly, and keep away from the David topics.

Good luck

 

[IADad]

hmmmm, I think you need to make an effort to try to see if you can build trust with her, as you say, for the kids' sake. Consider for a moment, that she may be becoming more responsible...consider how you becomming a mom changed you? I'm not saying you were like her at all or that this is magically going to change her, just saying "keep an open mind." In the end , trust your instincts. She doesn't have to be a part of your kid's lives if you don't want it to be (of course that all get's tied up in his custody righrts too,but you see what I mean...)

 

[NancyM]

Lets see..

If this was me, I'd be concerned about the well being of my kids.
I think I would try as hard as possible to get to know her better and feel her out as far as her parenting skills are.

I'd be mostly concerned to see if she has the skill to be alone with my two babies, and how she handles stress.

That's really all I'd want to know, and I'd study her closely.

I agree that you should not get in the habit of talking about David, because that won't work. Try to steer away from conversations about their relationship, if it comes up, just smile and bring up something nice about her, like tell her her hair looks nice, where she gets it done, blah blah blah, No David.

Sure, invite her over for coffee and be the more mature person. It's for your children's sake, and as long as you have a decent relationship with her it will be easier to call her when your kids are there just to check up on things.

 

[IADad]

Sure, invite her over for beer and be the more mature person.

Remember, this is Australia

 

[Antoinette]

hahaha... funny maybe I'll make a night of it lol beer, barbeque. maybe i'll oven buy an akubra just for the occasion haha cracks me up

 

[NancyM]

Remember, this is Australia

"Al-rite than mate" lol

 

[Antoinette]

lol... i got given the funniest book the other day its called "the Aussie slang dictionary for international tourists" it is sooo funny to read the words and meanings lol

 

[IADad]

hahaha... funny maybe I'll make a night of it lol beer, barbeque. maybe i'll oven buy an akubra just for the occasion haha cracks me up

I never even knew that was the name of it, I just called it an Aussie Hat...

This place is so educational ;-)

 

[Antoinette]

hahaaha that's funny... did you google akubra to find out what it was lol...

my cultural education

 

[IADad]

of course...google to the rescue!! LOL

 

[NancyM]

Oh it's a Mick Dundee hat!



I googled it too!

 

[allenkim77]

whoa!

 

[confusedteen1]

well why not just become a nice big old family if he plays a good factor in child's life I'd think that's what it would cause.

 

[FirstDaddy]

I would not let this person anywhere near my children without to know them a little better first.