That's silly, right?...

[Kali]

So my 7 yr old ( and now my 4 yr old) always says "That's silly, right?" every time she does something she isn't supposed to do. In her old house she always equated being silly and funny as good things but here, when she does something she isn't supposed to do she hears "Quit being silly and do what you're supposed to do." This, of course, was before we realized the connotation she'd previously learned. So now she thinks it's "silly" to do all the wrong things. She laughs when she messes up and doesn't correct her behavior, no matter how stern we are or how much we tell her to the contrary. I have to literally get angry before she realizes that I'm upset. It's kinda driving me crazy. I don't want to get upset with her.

 

[Choppy]

It's fun to be silly sometimes, but part of growing is learning the boundaries between what's fun-silly, what's inappropriate, and perhaps even what's dangerous.

It sounds like your children are struggling to define some of these boundaries. I don't have the answers myself on this one, but something that could help is verbally identifying the behaviour and the reason why it's inappropriate. Right now we're working on not wearing a dinner plate like a hat because your food will fall off.

I have to literally get angry before she realizes that I'm upset.

Something else to consider is the egocentricity of children - their world revolves around them. So how mom or dad feel about a behaviour can often become secondary to how the child feels about it. When you display signs of anger, the behaviour stops being fun. But you want it stop being fun before you allow yourself to get that that stage. To do that you'll have to brainstorm some specific things you can do in specific situations. Can you remove the item the child isn't using properly? Can you restrict privileges? Can you remove the child from the environment in which the behaviour is inappropriate?

Good luck.

 

[samantha-Miller]

I think it would help to teach your kids the meaning of different terms

 

[priya200]

I think you need to discuss with your wife about silly and funny in the presence of your daughter as if you are discussing about it between yourselves. It would help better than explaining to your daughter about it.

 

[Sallyskidshop]

What you are doing at the moment is engaging her and she's being noticed everytime she says something that you don't dislike. Ignore her, she'll soon get sick and tired of it and stop the behaviour.

 

[pbooker]

You might try some roleplay. Next time something happens that your daughter doesn't like say - how would you feel if I said that's silly. Get her talking about it.

 

[Ruben Padilla]

Without looking it up for an official meaning, it seems to me that "silly" can be defined as anything that has no direct affect on anybody else. No harm. Walking crooked, speaking in a different voice, pursing your lips or raising your eyebrows.

But if your silly behavior has an effect on another person and serves as a disruption of any sort - (being too loud, or causing annoyance, disorder, or negative consequence), then it's no longer silly. It's something else.

I like pbooker's idea, but instead of just switching roles, try exhibiting different types of behavior and see if your daughter can identify which ones are silly and which ones are "something else".

But keep it a game. Be light, calm, and always, always, smile.

 

[keadavisi]

I'm not an expert, but I'll just share my own experience. With my daughter I've found success in talking to her like she's an equal when explaining what's appropriate and what's not. I make it clear what the consequences will be if she does things that are inappropriate. I give her a warning and if she continues the behavior, I enforce the consequence and I reiterate why it's inappropriate and how it makes me feel when she acts that way. I think kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. If she is getting attention because of it then I find it works best to say if you're going to keep doing that after I've asked you to stop, then I am going to walk away and when you're ready to behave again then I will listen to you again. If it's an attention issue, make sure to show her plenty of attention and praise when she is displaying good behavior, and very little attention when she's not.

 

[VeeAmAy]

Try teaching her that being funny, inappropriate/impolite and harmful are different things.

Don't explode and get mad at her; explain to her sternly but clearly why she shouldn't do what she did. It's important to be stern but kind when you're doing this, because being too soft/too stern will only lead to problems.

Say, for example: your daughter likes to play with matches. If you tell her not to do that without explaining to her why, she'll think you're just being mean and annoying. If you explain to her the consequences of playing with matches, then she'll stop because she doesn't want to experience the bad things that come with playing with matches.

I know it worked for me when I was a toddler

 

[looklovesend]

It's not too tough to teach kids the difference between silly and inappropriate because you can point out examples and teach the definitions as well as consequences.