Hi all,
I need advice and help. 16 year old girls make most parents want to pull their hair out. And that's where I'd be at if it was not all falling out already.
But here's the issue I could really use some help on. My 16 year old girl is still blaming the whole world for all the choices she makes. Just the constant story of, it's not my fault, no one cares about me, I have feelings and no one cares.
So, when she comes home with a 65 in English class (she was on the honor roll before). She now blames her teacher and says she is anxiety every day. Yet she is over 80 in the classes she wants to do.
She's been told by people in her life that she must have a problem with anxiety and she should be pampered because she can't cope with daily life.
I think she wants to believe them because that gets her out of doing the stuff she does not want to do. I have taken her to professionals and they do nit say there is anything wrong with her. She does not want to take part in Counselling as it forces her to deal with the issues at hand.
So, when she came home with the English mark, I was sick of hearing how it's the teachers fault for teaching her wrong. So I asked her to write me a paper. She could chose one of 2 topics. 1. What the teacher was doing wrong and her supporting theroy on what was being done wrong. Or 2. What SHE was doing wrong in class and her supporting theroy on what she could do to improve.
Well, I know I was not going to get something super great out of it but what I got was what I feared the most. She handed in her paper to me last night and it was a 3 page sarcastic rant about how kids need to learn that they are inferior to everyone and to just shut up and have no feelings. How a grade of 65 will run in her whole life and she needs to learn to be a robot and just do school work. No one cares about her and no one believes she has anxiety. And if she just leans to be inferior to the world around her everyone would like her better.
Ok. Enough of that rant. You get the point. The fact that the whole paper was written sasarcasticly, we'll, I know where she learnt that. It was me. I am sarcastic. A trait that is just aimed at getting your point across. Not always a positive trait.
However, the poor me attitude, it's still everyone else who is being mean to me attitude, the world owes me because I hurt attitude, that's what concerns me. Her father is 40 years old and still behaves that way. 2 years ago we divorced and this was a major reason. Every day it was someone else's fault why he couldn't keep a job, or pay bills or be honest.
my fear is that she has learned these behaviors from him and will just carry it into adulthood and figure it's ok. I realize that some of these behaviors present themselves in kids this age. But I am so worried she won't grow out of it and take responsibility for her own choices without consistently blaming others.
Even if I can not fix this, how do I live with it or deal with it?
I need advice and help. 16 year old girls make most parents want to pull their hair out. And that's where I'd be at if it was not all falling out already.
But here's the issue I could really use some help on. My 16 year old girl is still blaming the whole world for all the choices she makes. Just the constant story of, it's not my fault, no one cares about me, I have feelings and no one cares.
So, when she comes home with a 65 in English class (she was on the honor roll before). She now blames her teacher and says she is anxiety every day. Yet she is over 80 in the classes she wants to do.
She's been told by people in her life that she must have a problem with anxiety and she should be pampered because she can't cope with daily life.
I think she wants to believe them because that gets her out of doing the stuff she does not want to do. I have taken her to professionals and they do nit say there is anything wrong with her. She does not want to take part in Counselling as it forces her to deal with the issues at hand.
So, when she came home with the English mark, I was sick of hearing how it's the teachers fault for teaching her wrong. So I asked her to write me a paper. She could chose one of 2 topics. 1. What the teacher was doing wrong and her supporting theroy on what was being done wrong. Or 2. What SHE was doing wrong in class and her supporting theroy on what she could do to improve.
Well, I know I was not going to get something super great out of it but what I got was what I feared the most. She handed in her paper to me last night and it was a 3 page sarcastic rant about how kids need to learn that they are inferior to everyone and to just shut up and have no feelings. How a grade of 65 will run in her whole life and she needs to learn to be a robot and just do school work. No one cares about her and no one believes she has anxiety. And if she just leans to be inferior to the world around her everyone would like her better.
Ok. Enough of that rant. You get the point. The fact that the whole paper was written sasarcasticly, we'll, I know where she learnt that. It was me. I am sarcastic. A trait that is just aimed at getting your point across. Not always a positive trait.
However, the poor me attitude, it's still everyone else who is being mean to me attitude, the world owes me because I hurt attitude, that's what concerns me. Her father is 40 years old and still behaves that way. 2 years ago we divorced and this was a major reason. Every day it was someone else's fault why he couldn't keep a job, or pay bills or be honest.
my fear is that she has learned these behaviors from him and will just carry it into adulthood and figure it's ok. I realize that some of these behaviors present themselves in kids this age. But I am so worried she won't grow out of it and take responsibility for her own choices without consistently blaming others.
Even if I can not fix this, how do I live with it or deal with it?