the plot thickens...

[Jordy]

So, as you all know (hopefully) my two little girls moved in two days ago and it is amazing having them here.. i will put pictures up very soon. but on the same day Aimee came down to us because her mother is having problems with her and said she can't deal with it any more so can we have her an extra week which obviously we did.. she is 14 and now about 8 weeks pregnant.... anyway this afternoon she was walking around the house all depressed looking and i thought maybe it was pregnancy problems or something so i let it go for about 2 hours but then it continued so i went into her room and asked her what was wrong.

she told me to go away which is pretty much what i expected but i pressed for details and she was really quiet and not talking or anything and after about half an hour she broke down and told me that about 2 months ago (around the time she got pregnant) she sent a series of Nude pictures to a 19 year old boy (not the father of her baby) and now this boy has found out she is pregnant and says he is going to show people the pictures because she hurt him by sleeping with someone else (while they were sort of together) so he has to hurt her back... now obviously i talked to my husband about the legal side of things but Aimee doesn't want to make it legal she just want's it to go away. i have been calling her mother all night but have got no answer... what should i do with Aimee? and this boy? (i don't know who the boy is.. or who the father of her baby is.. she won't tell me)

 

[Dadu2004]

Well, if you want to have some revenge with the boy...confront him. He's 19 and he's carrying nude pics of a 14 year old. That's illegal.

 

[Jeremy+3]

Well, if you want to have some revenge with the boy...confront him. He's 19 and he's carrying nude pics of a 14 year old. That's illegal.

Actually, unless it can be proven that he asked for such pictures, it isn't illegal, the same applies for things sent through the post as well.

 

[Dadu2004]

Maybe, but it will at least scare the crap out of him!

 

[Jeremy+3]

Jordy, have you asked if her face is in any of the photo's? If her face isn't in them, it isn't as bad, if they do get out she'll know they are of her, however no one else has proof, then, that is her lesson firmly learnt! Hopefully it will also show her that you are going to get caught out when you are with two people at the same time, so hopefully she wont do that again either.

 

[IADad]

Actually, unless it can be proven that he asked for such pictures, it isn't illegal, the same applies for things sent through the post as well.

not here it isn't...there are case after case of "kids" with pictures of other kids, some of them sent and received unsolicited, and these kids are getting in trouble for possession of child porn. So, I think that depends on the jurisdiction.

So, he may or may not be in trouble for having them, but certainly if he posted or forwarded them in any way, he'd be trafficing them...

Now, does SHE know who he really is (or does she just know him in the virtual world i.e. via a screen name etc...)? If she knows his real name then all she has to do is tell him she's contacted the authorities and if any of these pictures show up anywhere, he's as good as busted. He's banking on her being 14 naive and afraid. Is he trying to get anything from her or just being mean.

I'll tell you, if you can solve this one for her, maybe it's the route to opening her mouth about the father's name...maybe...

 

[Xero]

Jeremy I agree with IADad that it depends on where you live. You can't generalize things when it comes to laws, I'm sure you must know they are different everywhere you go for goodness sakes. Here its illegal to posess ANY photos etc of underage kids. Doesn't matter if you asked for them or not, its illegal to have them. Doesn't matter if you even know the person in the picture. The boy should delete them. And here it would be even more charges if the boy sent them to anybody else. But that's here. Don't know about Australia. Here he'd be in deep Sh** though.

As for handling it, if it was illegal I'd probably call the authorities about it. If it wasn't this might sound harsh but I'd let her deal with it. Its completely inappropriate to send nasty pictures of yourself to anyone, let alone some boy way out of your age range. That's her problem, and maybe she should learn a lesson from it. When you send a picture of anything to anybody you pretty much give them permission to do anything they want with it. I would be pretty mad at her if I was her mother too. I hate to use a word like this about a child of a (online lol) friend of mine, but she's been acting kind of slutty. Sleeping with one guy, sending nasty pictures to another one at the same time (and honestly, if he's that mad, she almost definitely slept with him too) and making them mad by cheating and whatnot. She's only 14!! Her mom must have really let her run wild. :/ I really mean no offense by this at all, it doesn't make her a bad person, I just think her mother could have tried a little harder to keep her in line. I'm not there, its not my situation, so I really don't KNOW or anything, but that's why this is just my opinion. I can only guess, really.

I just don't feel bad for her. She did it to herself. Maybe she'll learn not to do things like this in the future if it gives her a little hell.

Not to go too far with this or anything, but I kind of wonder if maybe she refuses to tell you guys the name of the dad because she's not so totally sure who it is herself?? :/

 

[Jeremy+3]

American law doesn't apply to Aus IADAd and Xero, I'm not generalising, I wouldn't state the laws of a random country and apply it to another, would be convenient if all countries had the same laws though!

You have to remember Xero, her mother is a single parent, it's hard, not only that this doesn't mean her mother has let her run wild, how many 14 year olds are never allowed from their parents sight? My parents were extremely strict, yet I still managed to sneak away to do certain things.

Again following from Xero, do you think maybe she is reluctant to tell anyone who the father is because she was with two guys at a similar time, maybe it has left her unsure of who the father of her baby is, more than just protecting him.

I guess as well a big problem is how to broach these things without making Aimee feel like the bad guy in all of this, maybe for now with the babies father you could take the decision to focus on other areas of her life, maybe then if the pressure is removed she might open up in time. But at the same time, not suggesting that she is the victim, it is a hard lesson to learn, but she does need to realise if she hadn't sent those photo's to someone, she wouldn't be in this position now, and if she hadn't done the deed, she wouldn't be a mother in a few months.

Do you have a teen parent centre/meet near you? You should be able to find out via your local GP or possibly contacting student welfare, that way she can meet others in the same position, it could really help her.

 

[Xero]

Sorry Jeremy, "it isn't illegal" looked like a pretty general statement to me. If you don't want people making the mistake of thinking you're generalizing, then maybe you should be more specific.

I realize its tough on a single mom, you are definitely right about that, and I feel for her, but Jordy has mentioned that his ex is married (I THINK, right?) and has another child with this man, and this man must play at least a small parental part in Aimee's life. I'm sure he supports her at least somewhat, and Jordy supports her from afar. I understand its hard though. But my mom was a single parent until I was about 17 and she had 4 of us to look after. None of us did any of that stuff. Which is why I blamed it more on Aimee than her mother, because she's probably a little extra high maintenance than some kids. Its always a combination of things. I did sneak out and I did have sex, but I wasn't sleeping with multiple guys or anything like that. I had more morals than that.

 

[Jordy]

yes, Aimee's mother is re married and has a little boy who is just a little older than Camyrn.

i asked her if she knew who the dad was and she said she does but like you i am beginning to have my doubts. but now she is saying "wait till I'm 16 and I'll tell you" which makes me think she is trying to protect someone but again i talked to andrew and it doesn't make a difference because if it happened under 16 it can be taken to court when she is 40 and it will be the same crime.

this morning i told her that if she can't tell me the name of the boy with the pictures then i can't deal with it... it took hours but she did give me a name, i talked to andrew and even though Aimee isnt interested in legal involvement i am going o contact the local police and tell them that this boy is blackmailing my 14 year old with naked pictures because this is the kind of thing that at 14 she doesn't understand the ramifications enough to let it go unpunished or even get to make that choice..

i also took her camera phone and replaced it with one that doesn't take pictures.

 

[bssage]

I guess my opinion is in part a question. Best case, What do you hope to accomplish. All of the mistakes have already taken place. Some things simply cant be undone. It does sound like she may be protecting someone who would suffer consequences if the truth was told. IMHO Even with the recent turn of events, its history and that cant be undone.

So I suggest you try your best to move foward in small positive steps. She has a home, people who love her, state insurance. heck she is already in better shape than many people this happens to. So try to get her to quit looking backward and look foward to the path ahead. If the pictures get out they get out. Not the best of things but not the end of the world either. Do I really need to start throwing out names of famous people who had thier naked pics posted on the web.

I'm just saying IMHO do this. Your best to help improve her lot in life, to build a trusting relationship with her, construct a comfortable plan with her.

More time she spends preparing for the future is that much time she cant dwell on the past.

So tell me are you going to spend your evening meal talking about what was done wrong, or figuring out who farted and what the plan for tomorrow is??

 

[AmyBelle]

Jeremy, it is illegal for a 19yr old to possess naked photos of a 14yr old girl in Australia.

 

[Jeremy+3]

Jeremy, it is illegal for a 19yr old to possess naked photos of a 14yr old girl in Australia.

It isn't illegal to receive photo's of anyone naked, when you are sent data whether that be video, text or photo through a source, e.g phone, email post, the person sending those materials is responsible for them (similar to duty of care). Otherwise if you didn't like a person all you would have to do is anonymously send them a picture of a naked child/bestiality etc, then report them to the police.
Possession is different, possession is going out of your way to get something, so if you had them on a computer they would need to find that you downloaded it from the internet/emailed someone and requested an image/video.

 

[Xero]

1. i asked her if she knew who the dad was and she said she does but like you i am beginning to have my doubts. but now she is saying "wait till I'm 16 and I'll tell you" which makes me think she is trying to protect someone but again i talked to andrew and it doesn't make a difference because if it happened under 16 it can be taken to court when she is 40 and it will be the same crime.

2. i also took her camera phone and replaced it with one that doesn't take pictures.

1. That does make it sound like she's protecting someone. She's almost making it too obvious at that rate. Or she just doesn't know. I would tell her that if she doesn't know, she doesn't have to be embarassed, and you're not going to put her down for it as that is done and passed. Just keep reassuring her that you have no problems helping her get a paternity test for any candidates and whatnot. Tell her that it has happened to a lot of people, and that its not that big of a deal. I would just continually let her know that her not telling me makes me believe that she doesn't know who it is (even if that isn't what you're thinking, it might prompt her to tell you just to get that thought out of the way).

I'm not a big fan of spying and whatnot, but I think she's beyond the point of trust and privacy at this rate. Have you guys considered checking her phone or her phone bill for numbers or texts? Checking her e-mail or online accounts? Talking to her friends to try and get any info on the guy? SOMEBODY has to know who the father is other than her. And she's only 14, I'm sure the information is laying around somewhere. I would be calling the numbers on her phone records and checking her e-mails. That's only IF she refused to tell me, like I said I'm not a big fan of this unless absolutely necessary and I just find this particular situation one of those necessary times. I don't know, that's what I'd be doing.

2. That's what I would have done. Seems appropriate to me.

 

[kdryan]

My first instinct is to hop on a plane and give him a little attitude adjustment.

I don't know Aussie law, but here in the US, he would be opening himself up to a charge of distributing child pornography. She may want to remind him of that and that he would spend the rest of his life labeled a sex offender. The first thing I personally would do is call the police where the kid lives and explain the situation to them.

 

[kunan]

Good idea to take away the camera phone Jordy. One less thing to help keep her out of trouble. I was able to disable the MMS feature on my dd's phone (ability to email pics from the phone). She wasn't up to anything, but I don't want to give her the opportunity to get herself in trouble.

I agree that the boy should be confronted about the pics - even if it isn't illegal (although showing them to someone else probably is).

 

[IADad]

It isn't illegal to receive photo's of anyone naked, when you are sent data whether that be video, text or photo through a source, e.g phone, email post, the person sending those materials is responsible for them (similar to duty of care). Otherwise if you didn't like a person all you would have to do is anonymously send them a picture of a naked child/bestiality etc, then report them to the police.
Possession is different, possession is going out of your way to get something, so if you had them on a computer they would need to find that you downloaded it from the internet/emailed someone and requested an image/video.

not to beat a dead horse, and I see your point about receipt, but possession surely is more than just intentionally accessing them. The fact that he has apparently retained them once sent to him surely counts for something doesn't it? I would think a prosecutor whould look at a case differently, if I, for instance, recceive something illegal and delete it, it does demonstrate some kind of intent to re responsible. If I keep in on my phone or PC, especially for months or years, then I have demonstrated an entirely different intent haven't I? Don't I clearly possess something illegal?

Oh, and I for one, would like to stop calling this rat b^%&ard a "kid." It sort of diminishes the responsibility.

 

[Xero]

That's what I was thinking IADad. I know a teacher around here got busted when I was in high school for having child pornography on his computer. Just having it. There was no clear evidence of where he got it, it was just that he had it in the first place. And obviously there aren't random little kids on the internet emailing him their pictures. Its just the fact that he had them on his personal computer. He had them. They were there. Its illegal.

 

[Luvmygirlz74]

If you know who this boy is now, definately get the police involved, get this drama out of this little girls life. Also, get a restraining order, which will probably happen anyway on him.

 

[Michele&Angie]

Well, if you want to have some revenge with the boy...confront him. He's 19 and he's carrying nude pics of a 14 year old. That's illegal.

YES! I totally agree with this. What a creep, that makes me sooo mad. Your daughter is going through enough right now with having to deal with this 19 yr old!