<r>Hello everyone,<br/>
<br/>
Please read this. I need some advice. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
15 years ago I entered into a relationship with a woman who had a 6 month old son. The boy’s paternal father moved away when he was 4 months old and has never made any attempt to be in the child’s life since.<br/>
From 1999 until 2012 I was the primary father figure in the boy’s life. I did everything from changing his diapers to walking him to school and taking him to camp etc as any normal father would do. His first written word was Dad and to him I was just that. I was and continue to be the only father he had ever known.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
The relationship I had with his mother was never a good one and although we had a daughter together in 2005, as a couple we were never meant to last. We separated the fall of 2011.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
I began a relationship with a woman I had known as a teenager. I am 40 years old now. She is mid 30’s. She and I shared a connection since the first time we met years ago, and although we grew apart in our 20’s we had now come full circle and entered into a relationship. I was happier than I had ever been. When I am with her I am on top of the world. We have made so many wonderful memories and traveled together often in the 3 years we have been together. Traveling is something I’ve always wanted to do but traveling with my X just never felt right so we rarely ever went anywhere together. However everything in life was better when I was with my new girlfriend. I was never more sure about what I wanted out of life. I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life next to her.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
A few quick details about my current girlfriend. She was recently separated and entering into a divorce when we met. She has three wonderful children, aged between 5 and 13, who have a father that is in the picture and takes care of his children’s basic needs but doesn’t take the children very often. My girlfriend currently has her kids 90% of the time. In 2014 I began living with my girlfriend and her children and I tried to be a supportive (step Dad) for lack of a better term, since they already have a father in their life. I feel that I succeeded in becoming a decent step dad as I have built a good relationship with all 3 of her children.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
My girlfriend accepted my daughter with open arms and took many steps to make her feel welcome in her home, even going as far as to put my daughters needs before her own children’s on occasion.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<B><s></s>Which brings me to the point of my post<e></e></B>.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
My current girlfriend feels it is inappropriate for me to continue being a father to the boy I raised because I am not his paternal father. She says it shows that I am not willing to let go of my X girlfriend. My current girlfriend says it is unacceptable for me to buy him anything, including a birthday gift.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
I did have a talk with the boy and explained to him that since his mother was now seeing another man that he could also lean on that man when he needed to since I was no longer involved with his mother.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
My girlfriend will not accept the boy into our lives as she believes It is my way of keeping a connection with his mother. I have ZERO interest in his mother, but I am human and I feel that walking away from the boy who has called me Dad for the last 14 years is an awful thing to do to a child. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Should I be more sensitive to my current partner’s needs and stop spending time with the boy or should I maintain my relationship as Dad? Currently I have cut back my time with him until I can sort this out.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
I personally believe the only morally correct answer (and the one I <br/>
<br/>
choose) is to maintain a relationship with him. Doing so will ultimately destroy my current relationship.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
My current girlfriend says that EVERYONE she has talked to thinks I am being awful to her by choosing to maintain a relationship with my X girlfriend’s son. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
I should also mention that I am adopted. So for me to accept a child that was not mine paternally but who had no one to call dad was an easy step for me to take. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Please give me your honest opinions on the topic. Be as blunt as you need. I can take criticism for my actions either way as long as I have a better understanding on the proper outcome.<br/>
<br/>
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this.</r>
<br/>
Please read this. I need some advice. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
15 years ago I entered into a relationship with a woman who had a 6 month old son. The boy’s paternal father moved away when he was 4 months old and has never made any attempt to be in the child’s life since.<br/>
From 1999 until 2012 I was the primary father figure in the boy’s life. I did everything from changing his diapers to walking him to school and taking him to camp etc as any normal father would do. His first written word was Dad and to him I was just that. I was and continue to be the only father he had ever known.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
The relationship I had with his mother was never a good one and although we had a daughter together in 2005, as a couple we were never meant to last. We separated the fall of 2011.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
I began a relationship with a woman I had known as a teenager. I am 40 years old now. She is mid 30’s. She and I shared a connection since the first time we met years ago, and although we grew apart in our 20’s we had now come full circle and entered into a relationship. I was happier than I had ever been. When I am with her I am on top of the world. We have made so many wonderful memories and traveled together often in the 3 years we have been together. Traveling is something I’ve always wanted to do but traveling with my X just never felt right so we rarely ever went anywhere together. However everything in life was better when I was with my new girlfriend. I was never more sure about what I wanted out of life. I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life next to her.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
A few quick details about my current girlfriend. She was recently separated and entering into a divorce when we met. She has three wonderful children, aged between 5 and 13, who have a father that is in the picture and takes care of his children’s basic needs but doesn’t take the children very often. My girlfriend currently has her kids 90% of the time. In 2014 I began living with my girlfriend and her children and I tried to be a supportive (step Dad) for lack of a better term, since they already have a father in their life. I feel that I succeeded in becoming a decent step dad as I have built a good relationship with all 3 of her children.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
My girlfriend accepted my daughter with open arms and took many steps to make her feel welcome in her home, even going as far as to put my daughters needs before her own children’s on occasion.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<B><s></s>Which brings me to the point of my post<e></e></B>.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
My current girlfriend feels it is inappropriate for me to continue being a father to the boy I raised because I am not his paternal father. She says it shows that I am not willing to let go of my X girlfriend. My current girlfriend says it is unacceptable for me to buy him anything, including a birthday gift.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
I did have a talk with the boy and explained to him that since his mother was now seeing another man that he could also lean on that man when he needed to since I was no longer involved with his mother.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
My girlfriend will not accept the boy into our lives as she believes It is my way of keeping a connection with his mother. I have ZERO interest in his mother, but I am human and I feel that walking away from the boy who has called me Dad for the last 14 years is an awful thing to do to a child. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Should I be more sensitive to my current partner’s needs and stop spending time with the boy or should I maintain my relationship as Dad? Currently I have cut back my time with him until I can sort this out.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
I personally believe the only morally correct answer (and the one I <br/>
<br/>
choose) is to maintain a relationship with him. Doing so will ultimately destroy my current relationship.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
My current girlfriend says that EVERYONE she has talked to thinks I am being awful to her by choosing to maintain a relationship with my X girlfriend’s son. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
I should also mention that I am adopted. So for me to accept a child that was not mine paternally but who had no one to call dad was an easy step for me to take. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Please give me your honest opinions on the topic. Be as blunt as you need. I can take criticism for my actions either way as long as I have a better understanding on the proper outcome.<br/>
<br/>
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this.</r>