My daughter turned 18 this past June. Around her birthday she informed my wife that she can now do as she pleases as she is now 18. Well, that is exactly what she's been doing. Coming & going as she pleases, not informing us of her activities, i.e. we don't know most of the time where she is, who she's with or anything else. She was coming home anywhere from midnight to 2 a.m. On more than 1 occasion she has left the house & been gone for 2-3 days with no word from her. She has a cell phone, but with only texting & I refuse to spend my time texting her to find out where she is, etc. She is disrespectful, won't help around the house unless she wants something, & is downright rude. She started smoking & I suspect she is drinking. I also suspect that she is having sex. She enrolled in a local community college, & was dropped after 1 month by the school because she failed to submit her immunization records. Now she has lost her financial aid package. She had a part time job, but quit after 3 weeks. She claims we won't let her grow up, but she is acting like an irresponsible brat. My wife & I finally laid down the law in regards to what we expect from her. The result? She moved out of the house this past Friday to go live with her brother & his wife, 900 miles from here, saying that "I can't live under your rules". My wife & I both work, own a home & neither one of us drink or do drugs. I don't know what has happened to our daughter, as she is a completely different person than waht she was a few months ago. My siggy says stepdad, but I have been helping to raise this girl since she was 3 & have always treated her as my own daughter. Where did we go wrong?
Trouble with 18 yr. old daughter...
- Thread starter stepdad01
- Start date
sorry to hear that... but sounds like a lot of things have gone wrong. but since she's 18 now, she has a chance to be responsible for herself. maybe not at once successfult, but give her a chance.
All children go through this. I know it's tough, believe me I do but all you can really do is wait.
She moved out, she's with her brother his wife, eventually they will kick her out and when she comes crying back to you I would say not unless you follow our rules, get a job and call when you are going to stay out.
She moved out, she's with her brother his wife, eventually they will kick her out and when she comes crying back to you I would say not unless you follow our rules, get a job and call when you are going to stay out.
She's 18 and no longer under your roof, theres not much you can do.
This may just be my upbringing talking again, but I think if she does come back that there needs to be not only rules for her, but leeniency for you. I personally dont see a single problem with an 18yr old saying out all hours of the night. Thats completely normal. She can have as much sex as she wants, she's 18, thats really none of your buisness and she's old enough to smoke so if thats her discision than thats the choice she's made.
I also find it odd that an 18yr old would need to inform her parents of what she is doing when she's out. But again, maybe thats just my upbringing talking.
This may just be my upbringing talking again, but I think if she does come back that there needs to be not only rules for her, but leeniency for you. I personally dont see a single problem with an 18yr old saying out all hours of the night. Thats completely normal. She can have as much sex as she wants, she's 18, thats really none of your buisness and she's old enough to smoke so if thats her discision than thats the choice she's made.
I also find it odd that an 18yr old would need to inform her parents of what she is doing when she's out. But again, maybe thats just my upbringing talking.
I agree that she shouldnt have to tell you what she's doing..if she wants to then thats great. But I do think she should at least give you the courtesy of calling and saying "I dont know when I'm going to be home, could you leave a light on for me" or something like that.
Amy is right. She's 18, no longer under your roof. She can have as much sex as she wants (although if you dont want it under your roof, that's your decision) but again, she's not under your roof.
Amy is right. She's 18, no longer under your roof. She can have as much sex as she wants (although if you dont want it under your roof, that's your decision) but again, she's not under your roof.
Well that may have been your upbringing, but it wasen't mine. I'm 53, & when I was that age I wouldn't dream about taking off for 2-3 days without informing my parents {especially my mother} where I was. It's called respect & concern for others. Yea, she can have all the sex she wants, but that doesn't make it moral. And the legal smoking age in my state is 21. The issue here is that my daughter wants to enjoy living at home with parents that are supporting her without having to take any responsibility for her actions. Gee, I wonder how young adults would respond if their parents took off for 3 days wothout informing their kids where they were? Being an adult means acting responsibly. And staying out till 2 in the morning, etc., etc. is not being a responsible adult. But, that's how I was brought up.AmyBelle said:
Maybe you were brought up different way, but YOU brought her up the way she is now. She is 18 and moved out -- your job is done. If you feel that she takes advantage of you financially -- then stop supporting her. You don't have to do that anymore.
stepdad01 said:
I had a similiar upbringing and can understand both points of view. Both sides need to give. She needs to be respectful of her parents and you and your wife need to allow her to become an adult. Part of that involves enjoying not having curfews and "sewing oats" before settling down. It's all part of growing up.
Your story brought me down memory lane. My parents were very strict. So much so that I couldn't wait to go away to college after high school graduation. I LOVED living on campus, taking classes and being out from under my parent's rule. Then I went home for the summer. OMG, they expected me to be home by midnight and wanted to know where I was every minute. I wasn't disrespectul but totally resented having to follow a high school curfew. Then I wanted to go camping for the weekend with my boyfriend. They hit the roof! I had been away at college for a year but then they didn't approve of me camping with my BF?! Seemed totally unreasonable to me. They gave the old, "our house, our rules" ultimatum. In my eyes, that was my ticket to freedom. I said, "OK," went back to college and never lived at home again. My parents didn't take that well at first, but in the long run it all worked out. Leaving the nest forced me to become a responsible adult. Yes, I partied a bit but eventually figured out that I needed to get decent sleep or I'd be dog tired at work, etc..
certainly, not in the usa.., there's a few states where it is 19, but nothing over that.fallon said:
Ok, I'm mistaken. The drinking age is 21. So, u can stop pouncing on me. And I didn't say that she was taking advantage of me financially. Money has nothing to do with it. All that I asked for here was a little advice. I made an error in posting here. If I want advice on the situation with my daughter from a bunch of overgrown adolescents, I'll go to the local barroom. There's no difference from what I'm reading here. Maybe none of u care what your kids do, but I went to a different school. Go to hell.
stepdad01 said:
WHOA.... You're obviously upset about the situation with your DD, but that's no reason to treat responsible, caring parents with such rudeness. In fact, if this is how you treat your daughter, no wonder she left home.
I'm 45 and hardly an overgrown adolescent. Nor do I hang out in bars. I gave up my teaching career to stay home to raise my kids. OF COURSE I care what they do, but I also understand that it's normal for teens to rebel and struggle with their independence. NOT a pleasant process for parents but part of the deal. Read up on teens and child development before you lash out at people trying to offer help.
first off, I dont think anyone said anything about you ignoring her drinking, we said ignore her about the smoking and staying out because...she's 18, it's legal and she's not living with you.
I'm retired police, so I know the laws on drinking but unfortunately there is absolutely nothing you can do about it at this point because she is "900 miles away".
So, you sir, need to grow up.
I'm retired police, so I know the laws on drinking but unfortunately there is absolutely nothing you can do about it at this point because she is "900 miles away".
So, you sir, need to grow up.
Wow, not sure how I missed this. I won't tolerate calling our members names or telling anyone to "go to hell". You're done here.
Wow that was weird lol. The way his last post sounded, I'd bet this creep doesn't even have any kids. I would almost have to agree with Fallon that he was just trolling. Just on the topic though, I agree with most of what has been said. She does have issues, but she'll learn on her own (if she even exists).
And just for fun (cause I looked this up before clicking on page two and I'd hate for it to go to waste LOL):
In the United States of America, legal age of smoking in almost all states is 18. The exceptions are New York[/URL], which have raised the legal age to 19.
And honestly, I scanned through the rest of the countries and they all said 16 and 18, the highest age I could find was 20 which is the law in Japan.
Smoking age - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
But then he changed his mind and decided that we were a bunch of drunk teenagers lol. I really hope this guy is a troll, because if he does have kids, I am very sad for them.
Good thing he's banned from here at least.
And just for fun (cause I looked this up before clicking on page two and I'd hate for it to go to waste LOL):
In the United States of America, legal age of smoking in almost all states is 18. The exceptions are New York[/URL], which have raised the legal age to 19.
And honestly, I scanned through the rest of the countries and they all said 16 and 18, the highest age I could find was 20 which is the law in Japan.
Smoking age - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
But then he changed his mind and decided that we were a bunch of drunk teenagers lol. I really hope this guy is a troll, because if he does have kids, I am very sad for them.
Good thing he's banned from here at least.You know when you see people online and you would just love to meet them, just to find out if theyre either completely insane or who it was that came up with such a character, because there is no way someone like that exists in real life?
Id love to meet who is behind stepdad01's computer. Aside from someone who dosent know the legal smoking age in his state,
Id love to meet who is behind stepdad01's computer. Aside from someone who dosent know the legal smoking age in his state,
that was the same information on age i found but didn't want to rub it in too much until they'd said anything else....
some people don't much like wiki though i've found it is pretty reliable and up to date even if ya can go in and change some of the stuff up...
some people don't much like wiki though i've found it is pretty reliable and up to date even if ya can go in and change some of the stuff up...
I remember when I was 18, it was a tough time, you are still trying to FIND yourself...takes time, and love. My mom was super during it
Sheila
Sheila