My girlfriend, Natalie, has two sons, one 12 and the other 6, from two fathers. It drives me nuts how she babies them and how they act, so I'm basically asking on here as to whether or not I'm being unreasonable or if the situation is as bad as I feel, based on how I was raised. Also, general advice for my part in this relationship would be appreciated.
The 6 year-old (Bobby) is incredibly energetic and friendly and expected to be diagnosed with ADHD. He climbs all over her house, jumping off tables, hanging off the cupboard handles, and eating cereal from atop the fridge. He ripped a cupboard door off and the inside has now become his cubby hole where he stashes toys and eats. She spanks Bobby on occasion because he can be incredibly defiant and disruptive. In a rage, he broke his portable DVD player in half but she still lets him use his brother's because it serves as a "babysitter." He really likes me, maybe because he only sees his dad a few times a year because he allegedly abandoned Natalie once she became pregnant. He's afraid to be alone at night or in the bathroom with the door shut and sleeps with his mom because they still haven't made a new room for the 12 year-old. I don't live with her, but I've encouraged her to have Bobby sleep on the "day bed" to transition into sleeping alone (I had my own bedroom by age 5).
Yesterday, while Nattie was lying down, he laughed and threw both of his filthy socks at her face and she did nothing but tell him to stop. Nattie hides Sharpie pens and won't display fragile decorations for fear that he'll destroy them or vandalize the house, essentially letting his behavior dictate their home. He already marked up her car's glove box with a pen and often makes a mess of food all over furniture that she cleans up. My mom wasn't highly strict, but I would never have imagined doing any of this at that age.
The 12 year-old, Eric, is more reserved but very bratty. He's getting chubby because he overeats, but Natalie rarely puts boundaries on how much he may eat and often gives in to his requests for toys and food. He generally dislikes me and is very childlike and rude to me. During a recent vacation, countless times he physically wedged himself between Natalie and me whenever she approached me for a hug or to hold my hand. On one occasion, I shoved him out of the way because I'd had enough; it was so noisy that Natalie didn't notice, but I later told her. The only time Eric acts nice is when he wants to get something out of me. He's an only grandchild to millionaire grandparents and nephew to a childless couple, so he's very spoiled with expensive gifts.
When speaking to Eric, Natalie often refers to herself in 3rd person as "Mommy" and he sometimes calls her "Momma" in a weak, childlike tone. He insists that she "tuck him in" every night for bed, and has had crying fits at bedtime because of the attention Natalie gives me. He sometimes asks to sleep in bed with her, which she refuses, and several times I woke up to him spooning against her in the morning when she and I were in bed during our vacation. I felt this was a serious violation of our space and privacy. Like Bobby, Eric loves his mom dearly but at the same time shows little respect or appreciation. He wants her to get back with his dad and openly said this in front of them. They are still friends but split up when he was just a baby. He's almost Nattie's size and uses this to his advantage, grabbing at her and blocking her, which again, I never would have done to my mom. When I was 12, I was growing pubic hair and spending my sick days skimming through issues of Hustler that my brother hoarded. Eric is so childish that I can't imagine him even being near that stage. I also had far better manners and respect for elders.
Am I crazy, or is this parenting in need of serious reform? I'm often embarrassed to be around them in public and I sometimes think this may cause the end of my relationship with Nattie. I talked to her about this last night and, although she understood my frustration, she's very conscious about her exhaustive role as a single mother, so my words definitely hit a sensitive spot with her.
The 6 year-old (Bobby) is incredibly energetic and friendly and expected to be diagnosed with ADHD. He climbs all over her house, jumping off tables, hanging off the cupboard handles, and eating cereal from atop the fridge. He ripped a cupboard door off and the inside has now become his cubby hole where he stashes toys and eats. She spanks Bobby on occasion because he can be incredibly defiant and disruptive. In a rage, he broke his portable DVD player in half but she still lets him use his brother's because it serves as a "babysitter." He really likes me, maybe because he only sees his dad a few times a year because he allegedly abandoned Natalie once she became pregnant. He's afraid to be alone at night or in the bathroom with the door shut and sleeps with his mom because they still haven't made a new room for the 12 year-old. I don't live with her, but I've encouraged her to have Bobby sleep on the "day bed" to transition into sleeping alone (I had my own bedroom by age 5).
Yesterday, while Nattie was lying down, he laughed and threw both of his filthy socks at her face and she did nothing but tell him to stop. Nattie hides Sharpie pens and won't display fragile decorations for fear that he'll destroy them or vandalize the house, essentially letting his behavior dictate their home. He already marked up her car's glove box with a pen and often makes a mess of food all over furniture that she cleans up. My mom wasn't highly strict, but I would never have imagined doing any of this at that age.
The 12 year-old, Eric, is more reserved but very bratty. He's getting chubby because he overeats, but Natalie rarely puts boundaries on how much he may eat and often gives in to his requests for toys and food. He generally dislikes me and is very childlike and rude to me. During a recent vacation, countless times he physically wedged himself between Natalie and me whenever she approached me for a hug or to hold my hand. On one occasion, I shoved him out of the way because I'd had enough; it was so noisy that Natalie didn't notice, but I later told her. The only time Eric acts nice is when he wants to get something out of me. He's an only grandchild to millionaire grandparents and nephew to a childless couple, so he's very spoiled with expensive gifts.
When speaking to Eric, Natalie often refers to herself in 3rd person as "Mommy" and he sometimes calls her "Momma" in a weak, childlike tone. He insists that she "tuck him in" every night for bed, and has had crying fits at bedtime because of the attention Natalie gives me. He sometimes asks to sleep in bed with her, which she refuses, and several times I woke up to him spooning against her in the morning when she and I were in bed during our vacation. I felt this was a serious violation of our space and privacy. Like Bobby, Eric loves his mom dearly but at the same time shows little respect or appreciation. He wants her to get back with his dad and openly said this in front of them. They are still friends but split up when he was just a baby. He's almost Nattie's size and uses this to his advantage, grabbing at her and blocking her, which again, I never would have done to my mom. When I was 12, I was growing pubic hair and spending my sick days skimming through issues of Hustler that my brother hoarded. Eric is so childish that I can't imagine him even being near that stage. I also had far better manners and respect for elders.
Am I crazy, or is this parenting in need of serious reform? I'm often embarrassed to be around them in public and I sometimes think this may cause the end of my relationship with Nattie. I talked to her about this last night and, although she understood my frustration, she's very conscious about her exhaustive role as a single mother, so my words definitely hit a sensitive spot with her.
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