Trouble with Girlfriend's Sons...

[bssage]

IMHO we are making some large assumptions. YES Sd I would agree with you if other markers were identified. But we are taking one sentence out of a post. If there were several items on that list I may do the deep dive. IMHO in the big picture one inappropriate sexual behavior would not be uncommon for a 6 year old. Heck he could have seen something similar to that on regular TV. He could have picked it up from peers or even his brother goofing off.

If the post had other flags to that point I would be 100% get a counselor. And I would not advise to ignore it. Only to take the time to look for other behavior's that support that idea.

At one point Chloe would just inappropriately touch someone. Her world is extremely controlled. Noone has contact with her who is not her grandma or ourselves 24/7/365. She stopped but I think she was just expressing her curiosity. Who knows?

 

[Xero]

pancras, if you as a parent would prefer to chalk that kind of behavior up to coincidence, then that is your choice, but you better just hope you're right is all I can say. Personally, if my child was humping things (and the fact that he was humping objects first does NOT matter, that just means he wasn't brave enough to do it on people at first), I would be concerned and I would try to find out why, and stop the exposure if I found out there was any.

Now, I agree with SD that there should also be further concern, especially if a normal explanation cannot be found, but I want to be clear that I am not suggesting sexual abuse or all the worst possible scenarios. I am suggesting stuff that really honestly happens everyday by unfortunate accident, like parents not being careful enough to stay out of view during sex, or like sex coming on TV (as it likes to do quite often lol), and the child witnessing it because no one cared that he was being exposed or what have you. OR one of his friends did it in front of him or showed him, and he learned it that way. I would want to find out which of those it was, and have a long talk with him about why it is inappropriate, or why the other kid should not have done it, and why we don't copy everything we see etc. If it was TV, I would want to know whose house it was at and have a talk with them about how it CANNOT happen again. I just think there was a simple, common cause and that it should be corrected. I'm not ruling out more serious issues, but I'm not jumping on them either.

This kind of thing happens all the time, in fact I picked my 5.5yr old up from my MIL's house a couple months ago to find out he watched the remake of "Predator" while he was there and I was furious. I mean his whole life I have gone out of my way to make sure I didn't expose him to that adult scary crap, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you that there were plenty of times that I wanted to turn off Nick Jr and turn on something inappropriate! So it makes me mad when other people can't think of his age and maturity level for ONE DAY while he's with them, just so ridiculous. Anyway, people don't think about it and they thoughtlessly watch adult content in front of kids all the time. That's the most likely scenario IMO.

 

[akmom]

I don't want to take the thread on a tangent, so if Xero doesn't mind, I'd like to take this onto a new thread:

So it makes me mad when other people can't think of his age and maturity level for ONE DAY while he's with them, just so ridiculous. Anyway, people don't think about it and they thoughtlessly watch adult content in front of kids all the time. That's the most likely scenario IMO.

When I'm at someone's house who has TV, I see a lot of alarming material I wouldn't want my kids to see. And it's not like we watch raunchy programming either. I think that's a likely culprit.

 

[cybele]

#2 is a very common scenario, not just with sexual things, but with many many things.

We live in a very adult world, there are so many things that children can and do witness that they cannot find a way to place in their scope of reality just yet, so they react to it in strange ways.

There is a good chance that this little boy has seen something with sexual content, and it could have been anywhere, a kid at school who stole his teenage sibling's smartphone, took it t school and showed everyone porn that was saved on it, TV at a friend's house being on an inappropriate channel, sneaking some TV at night when all are asleep, a movie trailer at the cinema. To fit that into a 6yr old's relationships without any proper explanation of what it is, well, it doesn't fit, does it? So he reacts the only way he can make sense of it, he tries it on some objects, then tries it on some people.
Not weird, not abnormal, quite common. Still needs to be addressed though, because if he then took it that step further and started trying it out on his peers at school, then you have big problems.

 

[singledad]

#2 is a very common scenario, not just with sexual things, but with many many things.

Absolutely. I'm hoping it's #2, because if it is, it needn't become a serious issue, as long as his mother addresses it now, before it escalates (eg. by acting it out on school friends). Still - needs to be addressed ASAP, not shrugged off. And the source NEEDS to be traced - not only to prevent it reoccurring, but also to finally rule out 3 and 4. If it were my kid, I wouldn't be able to sleep before I'd done that.

 

[singledad]

IMHO we are making some large assumptions. YES Sd I would agree with you if other markers were identified. But we are taking one sentence out of a post. If there were several items on that list I may do the deep dive.

Yes, we are making large assumptions. But note that I don't say that anything horrible has definitely happened - I see pointers, and I highlight them. I say that it needs to be investigated. I'm saying - I see things in the post that give me shivers, and because I know that kids are so often incredible adept at hiding their worst experiences, no parent can dare to turn a blind eye to the markers that do show up.

Markers like age-inappropriate sexual knowledge, behavioural problems and irrational fears of certain people or places. Like a kid who is so consumed with rage that he can break a portable DVD player in half, even though he only has a five-year-old's strength. Like a kid who is afraid of being in a bathroom with the door closed. What is so scary about the bathroom????

Are there other explanation for all of these? Of course there are. There always are. And that is why the vast majority of abused children never get help, at least until they are old enough to seek it for themselves.

I will agree that there is a really good chance that he has simply seen inappropriate material, or seen his mother with a man. Goodness knows the poor boy has been through enough to find other explanation for his anger and his fears if one digs a little. But I will NOT agree that that should be assumed to be the explanation, and that nothing should be done about it.

 

[Mr. Nanny]

<LIST type="decimal">

1. 
   <LI>
2. It could be that he is deliberately being exposed to porn by someone who is grooming him to be abused.</LI>
   <LI>
3. It could be that he has already been abused.</LI>

</LIST>

It probably wouldn't put you at ease to know that this little boy's step-grandfather molested and attempted to rape the boy's mom--my girlfriend--when she was a teenager, causing her to move into foster care and subsequently attempt suicide at age 17.

This kind of thing happens all the time, in fact I picked my 5.5yr old up from my MIL's house a couple months ago to find out he watched the remake of "Predator" while he was there and I was furious.

Actually, it's a <I>sequel</I> to the 1987 film. But, I digress...

 

[Xero]

Oh, is it? I have never watched the new one, didn't realize it was a sequel. My DH told me it was a remake or whatever. He should really know this stuff lol. It doesn't matter, I know it was gross and inappropriate.

 

[Jerseyknox]

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