Troubles with my 5 and 4 year old boys...

[Caffus]

I feel like a slave often, in my home. I do almost everything for my kids. I even feed them sometimes..otherwise they sometimes will not eat, or they take forever. I dress them most of the time to..becuase they take to long. I know these things are my fualt.
But it is so hard when your in a hurry and they are wasting time ect.
I wasnt riased well myself. My sister had bilima and my Mom used to beat her in front of me. My Dad used to wip us all with a belt. All of there 6 kids have many problems. One of my younger brothers has passed away at 30.
My Dad wouldnt listen to us, he screamed DONT TALK BACK..if we even tried to speak or explain ourselves when he was angery. I love both my parents..they were riased horriably , even worse than us and they didnt have the info extra that we have today.
So, needless to say I have to learn and practice how to riase kids properly into respondable adults. I love my kids very much.
They fight very often kicking extra..they hit me too, they have bit and pinched me, kicked me to. I try to put them in time outs, but I have to hold them while they try to free thereself...I have tried spanking, it doesnt help..they laugh or hit me. I'm done with that. I want them to love there selfes and others.
Now I do not want angery arguing or people putting others down extra in this thread please. I want to hear from anyone who belives they can help..I will listen and I will take what I think might help.
Thank you in advance.
Cathy

 

[bssage]

Caffus:

good first step. IMO (In My Opinion) you should break things down into digestible issues. Its not likely anyone has a suggestion to "fix it" It is however likely that suggestions will be made to fix or improve this and that.

When you say "feed them" do you mean putting food on a spoon and into their mouth?

The dressing issue is common. Mornings are like pulling teeth in my house. The kids dress themselves (yes Chloe also) but its eeeeeextreeeemmmeeellly slow. Like watching paint dry: or tree's grow. At times I do get frustrated and just put on their Clothes so we wont be late (Chloe mostly). The point is. I think its pretty common.

One thing we have resorted to. All stimulation is removed until they are dressed. TV off, No books or toys laying about. The rule is after they are dressed ready to go shoe's on bags packed. The tv can be turned on. Even with that they are slow movers in the morning. A also like to start the day a little earlier. I am not quiet, turn all the lights on ect. I dont get them out of bed earlier. But in a easy way I make it difficult to sleep. When I actually wake them. Its a foot rubbing leg rubbing back rubbing gentle wake to get the blood flowing. I am not a fan of yelling or yanking them out of bed.

I also think in the other thread you hit a good point. IMHO it is better to be consistent in you approach to improving and teaching behaviors.

And like I mentioned. I prefer the calm assertive energy method to others. A considerable amount of "put on your socks": "put on your socks": then you do it for them in a business non-fun manor. Same goes for a lot of common stuff, Eating, picking stuff up.

Share some more specific scenario's.

 

[parentastic]

Hi Cathy!
Okay, let's see if i can help with your situation. I have some pretty good idea of what might be going on and the steps that could potentially make a big difference. Before i go with some possible insights, i need some more information in order to get a grip on the possible familly patterns:

- is the father still around? Are you single parenting or with a partner?
- are these issues with your partner and/or their dad too? If not, how is it different?
- are your parents still involved within your family? (ie, living with you or visiting often or babysitting?) how are they involved with your kids?
Are kids witnessing the behavior you described from your own parents?
- is there yelling in the house? From whom? When?
- is there hitting / aggressive behavior etc in the house? From whom? When?
- what discipline do you use? How often? How consistant? Can you offer examples of mild cases that happened regularly and how you handled it? Extreme cases and what happened?

EDIT: some more questions:
- You describe how your kids are behaving with you recently. Is it a new behavior? How long has they act that way? Has something changed recently?
- We are talking about kids 4 and 5 years old. What about your 22 years old? Is she behaving with similar patterns? Is she involved with the kids? How so? Is she still living at home?
- If you are not a single mom, can you describe the type of relationship between you and your partner? How do you handle fights between you? What kind of disagreement do you usually fight over? How does it usually end?

Forgive me if some of these questions are very personal or can be difficult to go over on a public forum.. please be comfortable to only disclose what you feel okay to talk about. You are also free to email me directly if that's easier. The more info, the better I may help.
Thanks

 

[ikon99]

I feel your pain, only you have twice the pain. my 5 y/o is the same. I just want to let you know, you are not alone. We all have either gone through this or currently going through it. I was at a loss on how to deal with getting the kids to stop doing annoying things and to start them doing the things that need to get done, lkie getting dressed. My GF gave me a book, its called 1,2,3 magic and for the most part, it works. The key is CONSISTANTCY.

 

[akmom]

I chuckled a little when I read the part about having to (hand)feed them or they will not eat. We're going through the same thing with our three-year-old. He holds the silverware and goes through all the motions, but somehow his plate looks no different at the end of dinner. So I take a few spoonfuls and insert them myself, just so I know something made it inside. I mean, you need a certain number of calories to stay alive, right?

One trick is to withhold fluids until they eat (except water). Kids like to fill up on liquid. Sometimes it works. Good luck.

 

[Caffus]

Thank you everyone for you responds.
My husband and I both spoon feed both of our kids when they are messing around instead of eating. Our 5 year old has gotten better but or 4 year old...pretty much every meal he ends up having at least half of it fed to him.
We both have spanked our kids once and a while open hand on the bottom...but really...I've come to belive it does more harm than good.
We all try to stay calm and not riase our voice...but mistakes are made...fusteration sometimes can be overwelming.
There Dad, my husband is gone from the time they wake up until 6 or 7 pm 5 days a week.
So Im riasing them about 80% on my own. As I also help care for them when he is home.
My two boys hit eachother everyday...Mommy and Daddy never hit eachother. We also hardly ever argue with eachother. When my boys fight they kick, hit, scracth eachother.I often have to hold them apart...and its not easy.
We used to give our kids milk or juice with meals, now only water.

 

[Caffus]

Oh..my duaghter...she is living with her boyfriend and two kids about two hours away from me...I want to see her more...but I dont feel I can.
She was good to my boys..but she didnt help much. She moved out about two years ago. She was from my first marrage..her father was a drug abuser crack..and he hit me and yelled was mean abusive everyday. My duaghter yells and her boyfriend yell at eachother often.
I know she is an adult now..and there is not much I can do about it now..but she was aked about.

 

[parentastic]

Hello Cathy,

OK, I am going to try to offer some insight using the additional information your provided. I hope you can forgive me if I happen to make some assumptions here; I am starting to see some of the patterns and family dynamics but I am still working on incomplete information.

The central, key piece I am getting here is that the family lacks mutual respect. There has been a lot of traumatic experiences in your past, many screams and violence, and today you are genuinely trying to move toward something different and better with your little ones. But it's difficult, because these old patterns are still in place.
As you yourself seemed to realize, the use of spanking and other coercion methods are just a repeat of your own past; this is how things were handled with your own parents, and now when you use some of these techniques with your own kids, it tends to generate more resistance and more tension and cause more disrespect. So the solution is not there.

What is mutual respect? How do you create this in a family?
The key is in defining and maintaining personal boundaries (for you) and teaching your kids to develop and maintain healthy boundaries (for them).
So what are your personal boundaries? Can you take a few minutes and think about them and perhaps write them for us here on this board?
It may sound evident, but it's a profound and meaningful exercise to do.

For instance, here are my own personal boundaries, when I am in relationship with someone (partners, family, kids, professionally, etc):

<LIST>

• 
  <LI>
• No yelling. I will not accept to be yelled at. I will not yell on people.</LI>
  <LI>
• If I feel angry, I take a step back. I don't want to throw my anger on my loved ones.</LI>
  <LI>
• If I feel someone is angry at me, I can discuss it if they bring it to me honestly but in a contained and open way. If I feel it is aggressive toward me, I will not discuss and will not accept it.</LI>
  <LI>
• Name calling are not acceptable around me.</LI>
  <LI>
• I have a physical bubble around me. To enter my bubble, I need to accept it first. It's not acceptable for someone to enter my bubble without my consent.</LI>
  <LI>
• If I feel something is being done to me that is unfair, I will not let anyone force me to shut up. I need to be heard and validated, even if I may learn later that I have also a part of responsibility in it.</LI>
  <LI>
• If I am in pain or I am hurt, I want my loved ones to believe me and listen to me. I want to feel supported and understood.</LI>

</LIST>
You may have many others. You need to write them down. Until you are clear about what you need to feel respected, you cannot help children with it either. It has to start with you.

What does this has to do with raising kids, you may ask?
Well, for a family to have harmony and care, people need to respect each other's boundaries. Adults must learn to do this. Kids must also learn to do this, although it takes time for them t get this. Kids learn this, in part, by seeing it around them with parents and other caregivers - both as they respect each other and as they respect the kids and ask for respect in return.

If we look at your posts, here are places where I can see that, potentially, your boundaries were crossed (or not properly and clearly stated):

I feel like a slave often, in my home

My Dad used to wip us all with a belt.

My Dad wouldnt listen to us, he screamed DONT TALK BACK..if we even tried to speak or explain ourselves when he was angery.

they hit me too, they have bit and pinched me, kicked me to. I try to put them in time outs, but I have to hold them while they try to free thereself...I have tried spanking, it doesnt help..they laugh or hit me.

her father was a drug abuser crack..and he hit me and yelled was mean abusive everyday.

So you have had very strong, repeated experiences in which your own boundaries were crossed and now, as an adult with your own kids, you need to find back and learn again how to find respect.

Now, here is the secret, the hard part:
You cannot get respect by force. Respect is earned; it's not something you can really get by yelling, spanking, or anything like that.
Respect is earned through self-esteem and strength of character, yet while showing vulnerability and self-disclosure.
This is the key.

Your kids love you. If they are truly given the chance to see your needs; if you can be authentic and tell them how you feel and what you need, they will help you. They will also learn that they can do the same when their own needs are not met. You need to change the whole way conflicts are managed in your family, Cathy. It needs to change from "forcing people to behave" to "helping each other respect each other". It's a deep and fundamental change that needs to happen, and it's not an easy switch.

I have some practical and concrete steps to offer you on how to do this, if you are willing - I do realize that all the above is very vague so far. But before I do, I'd like to hear from you if what I wrote resonate with you and what you think so far, okay?
Such a change cannot work if you are not fully willing to try it.
Let me know what you think.

 

[bssage]

This is one of those places that I think a program (Like PSTC's) can have a lot of benefit. Your situation encompasses a lot of ground. IMHO it would be difficult to make things better for you with little bits and pieces of advice. And while they may be helpful in the short term. They would fail to address the big picture. And by default not fix your problem as a whole.

I think pstc left out one little but key piece of the respect puzzle. But I would guess that was not deliberate. And that is part of why he recommended making your list (I think). I believe it is implied in his post. Just not directly mentioned. I agree with what he is saying about respect. But IMHO: It starts with "Self Respect". In order for anyone to "buy what your selling" you have to <U>believe and respect yourself</U>. Then you have to be sincere in the belief that it can be fixed. I also think even with the best advice pstc has to offer. If it is not delivered with sincerity and buy in by you. It will fail over time.

One thing that is mentioned a lot on the threads. Is the only person we can truly control is ourselves. Once we have step one (ourselves) in place. Then we may be able to effectively influence others.

 

[parentastic]

I think pstc left out one little but key piece of the respect puzzle. But I would guess that was not deliberate. And that is part of why he recommended making your list (I think). I believe it is implied in his post. Just not directly mentioned. I agree with what he is saying about respect. But IMHO: It starts with "Self Respect". In order for anyone to "buy what your selling" you have to <U>believe and respect yourself</U>. Then you have to be sincere in the belief that it can be fixed.

Yes, exactly! Well said, bssage. This is implicit to what I wrote and it's precisely where I was going, too. Authenticity is key.
Making that list is a first step toward self respect: looking at where your boundaries are, so that you then know when it is crossed, and what's acceptable or not acceptable to you.

 

[Caffus]

Thank you, you are both very helpful. I will try to make that lista and I plan on it but...I do feel very pressured for time. I can never even half way finish, my laundry, cleaning, cooking and careing for my kids, stopping there fights extra. It is also difficult emotionaly for me to write something out like that.
I tell my husband the kids hit me and he says ..I would never let them hit me...how am I letting them, Im not sure. I tell them to stop..but Im trying to make dinner or something, time is running short, Im stressed and my son has been throwing a fit for over 25 min becuase I wouldnt give him a bananna or something like that right before dinner. The only way I can stop him, that i know of is to sit down and hold him in a time out while he is fighting to be free...or give him the dumb bananna..which I think is worse.
I know this is something that cant be fixed over night, and it is very difficult to remain calm, when the kids are acting possessed.
But I thought comming here for support and advice could be a good step. Becuase we dont have time for parenting classes, or the money for them.
I love my kids so much and I know they are wonderful little people..that need to be shown how to act properly.
I also know they are very attached to me and love me very much.

 

[bssage]

I do feel very pressured for time. I can never even half way finish, my laundry, cleaning, cooking and careing for my kids, stopping there fights extra. It is also difficult emotionaly for me to write something out like that.

I am sure it is. No doubt its stressful for you. There are some tried and true parenting strategies to help with this.

Plan you meals in advance. If your frying hamburger fry a few pounds at a time keeping the rest for quick meals in the future. Do things (laundry, dishes, ect) early (my way) or late when its calmer. Lay out the days clothes for the day in the evening. I have become a early bird out of nessasity. Its much easier to get things done with noone around. And my last comment on this. Next time hubby ask where dinner is or where his lucky socks are. "I am not a magician. I need some help if you want these things done"

I tell my husband the kids hit me and he says ..I would never let them hit me...how am I letting them,

Ask why he lets them hit you. I have to say. It sounds like hubby is not carrying his weight. IMHO he should be in a position to help. I barely like my wife at all. And I help constantly. Trowing the wash in the dry is not all that difficult. Neither is folding or putting stuff away. Keeping the kids occupied while you cook does not seem like much to ask. Bathing them before supper for example. Playing with them. Its not to much to ask IMHO. Throw some of the burden back on him. You dont have two heads and four arms. Next time the kids hit you. Stand up walk away. Say nothing. It has been effective for me at least.

Im not sure. I tell them to stop..but Im trying to make dinner or something, time is running short, Im stressed and my son has been throwing a fit for over 25 min becuase I wouldnt give him a bananna or something like that right before dinner.

First if all it takes is a banana I would just give it to him the first time he asked. I probably would give him a banana before he asked. They are like a magic fruit. I do understand it probably not always something healthy. I use different strategies. since my Daughter is Autistic. You want to throw a fit. Fine do it in your room. I can see how a pie timer may be handy in this situation. What I mean is a circle of paper. Divide the paper into four "pie" slices, colored. Then tell him when the blue slice is gone he can have something to eat. Every so often go to him and remove a slice of the timer. When the last piece is removed he can have something to eat. The timer we use is homemade with paper and a paper clip. These work great and allow you to adjust time for you to complete your task. A mechanical timer or a clock holds your feet to the fire when the time is expired. So you no longer saying NO. Your saying yes when the four pieces of this timer is removed. Its extremely handy for may things. Getting dressed: eating a meal: taking shower: ect... And its visual. After the initial instruction. You really don't need to talk/discuss/debate/argue, anymore.

The only way I can stop him, that i know of is to sit down and hold him in a time out while he is fighting to be free...or give him the dumb bananna..which I think is worse.

Think of what he would do sitting in a car with an electric window. He likely will keep rolling it up and down until you go completely insane. Does he want the window up or down? Who knows?: Its more likely he just likes seeing the window react to his pushing the button. You are the window and they are pushing your button. Now if you press the "window lock" or turn off the car. Without saying anything to him. He will likely loose interest in the button quickly. Its time to cook dinner. Each goes to a separate room or place in the house (or something similar). Act rather than react. Lock the window

I know this is something that cant be fixed over night, and it is very difficult to remain calm, when the kids are acting possessed.

Yes it is. And that is true for most anyone. But it is also necessary. When you cant. You are fanning the flames, Adding energy, you will be part of the problem.

I thought comming here for support and advice could be a good step. Becuase we dont have time for parenting classes, or the money for them.

We understand that.

I love my kids so much and I know they are wonderful little people..that need to be shown how to act properly.
I also know they are very attached to me and love me very much.

And we understand that.

These were my opinions. Things that I have had some success with. YMV

 

[parentastic]

Thank you, you are both very helpful. I will try to make that lista and I plan on it but... It is also difficult emotionaly for me to write something out like that.

Don't try.
Just do. It will really help. It's your starting point.

More tonight, I must leave for work

 

[Caffus]

I could right a list, i've thought about it. But I have no idea how to inforce it or to make it a reality.
1. I never want anyone to hit me or yell at me or call me names.
2. I do not want to be told what to do.
3. I do not want demands placed on me.
4. I want others to listen when I talk to them and to be honest with me.
5. When I need help and I belive others can help I want to be able to ask for the help without fear of rejection.
There...is good for now? I think I gave the wrong impression of my husband. He does help and he does love me and the best thing a father can do for there childern is to love there mother.
If he is around when the kids are hiting me or yelling at me he does stop them. But he is gone from 6am to around 7pm five days a week for work.
yesterday my kids were both climbing in the dog area on top on upside down chicken coops we turned over to keep the dogs from getting out. I told them they couldnt play on the computer if they did it agian..the 5 year old did it agian..so when he wanted to play on the computer I siad not inless you do some homework first, becuase you didnt listen..he threw a fit siad he was going to brake all my things and he hit me threw hisself on the floor, turned over chiars ect. crying screaming ect..then finaialy he siad he would do some homework..but I had to sit there the whole time right next to him..or he doesnt do it. So he did one page and then got to use the computer.
I know its easier to do things when no one is around, but my 4 year old is always home and my 5 year old is gone from 9am to around 12:40. I like to use the computer and do my excersize when he is gone..it is very important to me, for my mental and physical health. So that and caring for myself and my 4 year old take up most of the time my 5 year old is gone.
I try to make meals for two days at once at least once a week. Like when I make soup, we have it for example, Monday and wed...but I also make a fresh green salad everyday.
I like the pie timer idea..my kids usualy need something every few min. Not sure it will work at this point they are fighting right now..got to dgo

 

[bssage]

3. I do not want demands placed on me.

The list is good. This one is a little vague. The list has to be concepts they can understand. Short and sweet, Black and white.

I think I gave the wrong impression of my husband.

Fair enough.

But he is gone from 6am to around 7pm five days a week for work.

We have talked about this in the past. As the primary care giver. You are more likely to negotiate. Picking you battles so to speak. It is both frustrating and common I think.

I told them they couldnt play on the computer if they did it agian..the 5 year old did it agian..so when he wanted to play on the computer

My vote on this is a preemptive strike. Unplug it before he has a chance to ask. Password protect the login so until you choose he cannot get on. Tell him when he can ask. If he ask's outside of the agreed apon times just keep doing your thing and dont log him on.

I know its easier to do things when no one is around, but my 4 year old is always home and my 5 year old is gone from 9am to around 12:40. I like to use the computer and do my excersize when he is gone..it is very important to me, for my mental and physical health. So that and caring for myself and my 4 year old take up most of the time my 5 year old is gone.

Thats cool. But line up your priorities by need not want. What needs to be done and what you want to be done. Get what needs to be done first. I think it would reduce the pressure on you at the end of the day. Two little boys 4 &amp; 5 are not enough exercise ?

I like the pie timer idea..my kids usualy need something every few min. Not sure it will work at this point they are fighting right now..got to dgo

Its super great for meal time, bathing, taking turns, a whole bunch of stuff. I am going to try and find some links to show the method. But it is super cool and super simple to use. And its free if you have paper, scissors, and a paper clip.

 

[parentastic]

I could right a list, i've thought about it. But I have no idea how to inforce it or to make it a reality.

We will come to that shortly. But this, this is important: it,s your starting point. It's important because you need to "ctach" things <I>before</I> they get to the point where your needs and your boundaries are already crossed over. You cannot blame anyone if your boundaries are crossed if you haven't expressed them clearly.

1. I never want anyone to hit me or yell at me or call me names.

That is a very important and clearly stated boundary.
a) Do you feel some people are currently yelling and/or hitting you, or calling you names, besides your 4 and 5 year old children? Is there anyone else around you who might be crossing this boundary?
b) Do you use any of the above (hitting yelling or calling names) with your children? With anyone else?

2. I do not want to be told what to do.
3. I do not want demands placed on me.

This one is interesting because, very often, parents are placed in a situation where they have to - to a certain extent at least - place demands on children and tell them what to do.
It's a good thing to realize that if we don't like it when others do this, most likely, they don't either.
And if we do it with others, most likely, we are also showing them how to do it and then they do it too.
Also, can you think of anyone else other than your kids who is crossing this boundary?

4. I want others to listen when I talk to them and to be honest with me.

This is really important. Every human being needs to feel listened to and honesty is a key to healthy human relationships.
a) Can you think of anyone else other than your 4 and 5 year old kids who cross this bounadry with you?
b) Do you feel that your children would say the same about you - do you think they feel listened when they talk and feel you are fully transparent with them?

5. When I need help and I belive others can help I want to be able to ask for the help without fear of rejection.

The fear of rejection... there is a powerful something there.
Why would a parent feel rejected by their children if they ask for help and they don't get it? Children are growing up, they are immature by definition. It's a parent's job to teach them and show them how to ask for help and how to respect someone asking for help, without rejecting them. They are bound to fail at first, which is okay because that,s how you learn. So I am wondering why this seems to be a fear for you.
Can you think of other people who used to reject you when you asked for help? You may find something deep to explore there.

I think I gave the wrong impression of my husband. He does help and he does love me and the best thing a father can do for there childern is to love there mother.
If he is around when the kids are hiting me or yelling at me he does stop them.

Not that I want to undermine the usefulness of having a partner who supports you - on the contrary! But the key here is that as long as you depend on someone else to manage your own respect, by definition, you will not inspire respect. You have to do it on your own, for you, regardless of what your husband can do.
Bonus: it will also help when he is not around. But there is more to it than that, IMO.

yesterday my kids were both climbing in the dog area on top on upside down chicken coops we turned over to keep the dogs from getting out. I told them they couldnt play on the computer if they did it agian..the 5 year old did it agian..so when he wanted to play on the computer I siad not inless you do some homework first, becuase you didnt listen..he threw a fit siad he was going to brake all my things and he hit me threw hisself on the floor, turned over chiars ect. crying screaming ect..

Right now, it seems to me that your children see you as the annoying person who blocks rthem when they want to do things and who "gets in the way". They don't seem to see you as a wonderful wise adult who knows so much and whom they want to naturally follow.
Why is that? The answer is difficult to find in such a short discussion. But it ties into the family patterns they have lived for the past years, all their lives. You can only change these patterns by changing yourself.
It seems to me that your attachment link with them, right now, is not as strong and healthy as it should be, therefore they don't see the need to listen to you. The more you use threats and consequences and becomes more of a person who "gets in the way", the less likely they want to listen: they have learned to "tuned you out".
Of course, some parenting philosophy will have you escalate into more behavioral control and consequences; but I deeply believe that you cannot artifically earn "respect" from more control or more use of force.
What you need is to find back the true connection with your children.

More about hwo to do this tonight, as I am posting from work right now!

 

[alter ego]

Caffus:
One thing we have resorted to. All stimulation is removed until they are dressed. TV off, No books or toys laying about. The rule is after they are dressed ready to go shoe's on bags packed. The tv can be turned on. Even with that they are slow movers in the morning. A also like to start the day a little earlier. I am not quiet, turn all the lights on ect. I dont get them out of bed earlier. But in a easy way I make it difficult to sleep. When I actually wake them. Its a foot rubbing leg rubbing back rubbing gentle wake to get the blood flowing. I am not a fan of yelling or yanking them out of bed.

I also think in the other thread you hit a good point. IMHO it is better to be consistent in you approach to improving and teaching behaviors.

And like I mentioned. I prefer the calm assertive energy method to others. A considerable amount of "put on your socks": "put on your socks": then you do it for them in a business non-fun manor. Same goes for a lot of common stuff, Eating, picking stuff up.

Share some more specific scenario's.

we do the same here, and have had success with reward charts. Our kids get out of bed easily, but take forever to get ready, and with 2 different school drop offs, and daycare (once a week) it can be a struggle to get anywhere!

 

[Caffus]

Thank you, your answers are very complete and helpful. I will try and answer your questions the best I can.
My husband never yells at me or hits me or calls names. He is not honest with me or open or transparent...he is unable. This hurts me.
My Dad was very controlling and I have always felt controlled and mannipulated by him and afriad to ask for things, for anything. My EX husband controlled me, hit me called me names.
I do not spank my kids anymore, but I still hold them in a time out when I fear they will hurt themselfs or someone or something elese when throwing a tantrum. I try very hard not to riase my voice now and to remain calm..I call no one names..but I do riase my voice sometimes, without thinking about it, when upset, then I regret it later.
I do need my excersize arobic to release stress and loose wieght..I do this for about 30 min to 1 hour a day when my 5 year old is in school. I am on my feet about 80 to 90% of my day anyway, walking standing doing chorse..but its not the same as the arobic excersize.
I have to go ge tthem ready. Have a good day

 

[Caffus]

So, right now, my husband called me and siad his tier is going flat ..he calls at 6:20..he gets off work around 5..he siad he is still at the office. Why call and hour and a half after finding out your tire is bad..uh..my kids are out side running around, they wont come in. They even almost threw rocks at me today. ..anyways, I should go out side agian and make sure there okie..see if I can calmly convience them to come in.

 

[bssage]

So, right now, my husband called me and siad his tier is going flat ..he calls at 6:20..he gets off work around 5..he siad he is still at the office. Why call and hour and a half after finding out your tire is bad

Ask him. Its been my experience what is left unsaid will end up being more of a problem than what is said.

..uh..my kids are out side running around, they wont come in. They even almost threw rocks at me today. ..anyways, I should go out side agian and make sure there okie..see if I can calmly convience them to come in.

For me: hand on my hip finger pointed at the door. I would not say a word. Then just the basics when they get inside. Food, shower, sleep. And dont leave things open to discussion. If they are in a listening mood at bedtime. That is the time to talk. This amount of time to shower, this amount for dinner. The first rock would be the last.

Its not "calmly convincing" its "Calm and assertive" Big difference.