What age should a child be home alone...
- Thread starter 5bygrace
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DadinUT said:
Sorry but I don't think it's ok to leave a seven yr old home alone. If God forbid something happened to him or anyone else while he was left alone you can be seriously liable. SEVEN? He's still a baby to me. I'd be terrified to leave my seven yr old home alone for even 10/15 minutes. Getting off to school by himself since 7 yrs old? Of course he became responsible, he had no choice he had to survive.
You know if your family was poverty stricken and both parents had to take jobs where they HAD to start working at the same time, I'd still say drop your child off at a neighbor's house or a family member's home instead of leaving him alone. It's not easy but that's what most people do.
Yes. Totally different day and age. I grew up in a "gated" community before such a thing actually existed, and we spent all our waking hours wandering the streets. Even though they have installed actual gates in that community, and it's located in an area of the state that hasn't seen non-domestic violent crime but 3 or 4 times in the last 100 years, I wouldn't let my child wander the streets even in that community these days.JBKB3 said:
It's really sad because I lived an idyllic childhood. It was summer camp every day - riding bikes, picking blackberries, swimming in the lake, building forts in the woods, playing kick-the-can 'til nightfall, etc. I wish my child could have such a childhood.
But one of the most important reasons I wouldn't leave my child alone is because I'd be afraid something like a car accident would happen to delay me. I remember when she was just an infant and would be sleeping and I'd consider going down the elevator to the little shop in the lobby of my building in China. I'd always decide against it because I'd imagine a fire or even an earthquake stopping me from getting back to her. I imagined I'd rather die in the fire or earthquake with her than survive without her.
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I understand that it may have been questionable at the time to leave him by himself at age seven, but he definitely seems to be better for it now. I may have left a few details out, like at first he did get rides to and from school from a neighbor and I always had breakfast ready for him and his mom would call at least once or twice during that hour to check on him. Now that he's ten, I don't even question whether he's okay to be home alone. He knows what he is allowed to do and not to do and he knows that friends are not allowed over while he's alone. He was offered rides by the neighbor to school at the start of this school year, but he always declined because he actually enjoys walking and prides himself on the fact that he walked even when it was raining cats and dogs.NancyM said:
As far as the reason that we had him stay home in the first place at seven was that we pretty much had no choice. My wife (now ex-wife) and I both worked at the same job (letter carriers) and had to start at the same time and we didn't have any family or friends in the area that could watch him. She wanted to work, she didn't have to. Sure, we could've paid $400 per month for daycare service to watch him the hour per day, but that seemed crazy to pay that much for an hour per day. There were other daycare services, but no others that could take him to school or that were within walking distance of his school. Obviously you can't put a price on your child's safety, but it wasn't like he was being left out in the elements. He would watch an hour of Spongebob then go to school, not a big deal in my opinion. I was staying home alone from the first grade on since my mom worked twelve hours per day and I somehow managed to stay out of trouble.
I can't remember how old Jack and Amelia were when we started leaving them, here you cannot allow children under the age of 12 to be alone at home, but you cannot let any children be alone during the night, even if they're about to turn 16.
DaninUt Sorry I didn't mean to criticize. I was just a little surprised. The thought never even occurred to me to leave my son alone ever..until he was in his early teens at least.
We always figured out another way.
Jeremy your law sets well with me. I'm not even sure what our laws are here in NY. I'll look it up sometime.
We always figured out another way.
Jeremy your law sets well with me. I'm not even sure what our laws are here in NY. I'll look it up sometime.
Nancy, I didn't mean to get defensive and I definitely understand the possible dangers to leaving him home alone. I actually do think twice about leaving him home and I do still worry about him even though he's been fine to this point. It's hard not to think about the what if's, but I don't feel like I have any other feasible options at this point. I'm definitely open to suggestions.
I wouldn't leave my kids home alone at that age, not for fear of something happening to them. But for fear my house would not survive.
I also walked home around the age of nine or so and was a latchkey kid. I don't think it's that times of changed cause the same dangers exist we just hear about it more. I think the difference is that our parents armed us much sooner and prepared us much sooner for the real world. I believe we over coddle this generation (I am guilty also) and that is why we see so many teens who have no clue how to really interact and react with society.
I also walked home around the age of nine or so and was a latchkey kid. I don't think it's that times of changed cause the same dangers exist we just hear about it more. I think the difference is that our parents armed us much sooner and prepared us much sooner for the real world. I believe we over coddle this generation (I am guilty also) and that is why we see so many teens who have no clue how to really interact and react with society.
I couldn't agree with you more on this statement. There are a lot of kids where I live that can't walk a block to school. I see all the time where a neighbor will give a kid a ride and instead of just driving home to their house and having the kid walk next door to his/her house, they will actually drive into the kid's driveway to let him out, then back out and drive right next door to their house. I think "Seriously?!? The kid can't walk 30 yards to his/her house?!" It would be one thing if this was something that I've seen just once, but I've witnessed this at least five different times with different kids / parents. Call me crazy, but that's just plain ridiculous to me! If that's not over-coddling, I don't know what is.mom2many said:
DadinUT said:
I agree that many parents today coddle their children too much, and I'm sure I'm guilty, or will be guilty of this. But I think you can be protective yet raise your children to be independent. I think where it is important is in the home.
I've taught children who by grade 5 still could not tie their shoes, not because their shoes were all velcro, but because their mother tied them. This is coddling to the extreme. And I agree that a child can and should walk home from his neighbor's home next door. But I wouldn't consider it coddling in the extreme to wait with my child for the bus before dawn, or wait at the bus stop in the afternoon. I had to walk about three or four blocks to the bus stop, but I won't allow my child to.
I'll admit I'm a bit paranoid when it comes to the safety of my child, but I'd rather err on the side of caution in this case. In the meantime, I expect her to dress herself, clean up after herself, put her dishes in the sink, understand that we can't afford the dresses and monogrammed sleeping matts that her classmates have, understand that just because her older cousin doesn't get punished for disobeying his parents doesn't mean she won't be punished for the same behavior, etc. I think those sorts of things are where the independence and the learning how to interact in society begins.
Many of my students could survive on the streets just fine. They have been home alone, cooking for themselves, caring for younger siblings, fighting off the sexual advances of neighbors/step-siblings/family members, etc., from way too young an age, but I don't think they know how to interact in society as a result.
DadinUT said:
I think we are all raised so differently that we think our way is the right way and the only way. My parents had 7 children and we were told never to leave the little ones alone. I just carried out that way of doing things.
When I did go back to work, I worked around my son's school hours. My husband agreed, and I would just not work those hours that my son was home in the morning, and than I'd be home by the time the bus arrived at our home. I looked around for jobs that would hire me for those hours and found many. You said your wife didn't have to work? She actually choose to go to work, and that meant leaving your son alone? YIKES!
I needed to work back than, but if I didn't have to I would have been happy to be a stay at home mom.
I just feel he's so important, and we only get one chance to be little like that, I'd rather my son just live carefree and have a happy stress free childhood. He has his whole life to learn how to take care of himself, and learn adult responsibilities, I just wouldn't want him to start at 7.
just my opinion.
I personally would rather be accused of coddling my child in this day and age, rather than being accused of leaving my child home alone too young for my own convenience in one of the many news articles that describe a child being victimized by a criminal or getting into a horribly tragic accident while alone. The kind of thing that could have been prevented by a little bit more "coddling". So call me a coddler!!!!!
It's actually kind of funny... Since I first posted on this topic I have done quite a lot of thinking about it. As I said in one of my previous posts, I was left home from the first grade on to get myself off to school, home from school, etc. This even included staying home all day during the summer while my mom worked long hours.
Anyway, I was an only child and although I had my share of friends growing up, I still spent a lot of time alone. Now, as an adult, I actually find that I prefer to spend my free time (when not occupied by my son of course) alone. Not that I don't enjoy company at times, but I just seem to feel more comfortable alone.
Just coming off of a divorce, I honestly can't ever see myself seeking another relationship since I don't mind being alone and I also see it being a pain in the you-know-what to try to not only find someone that I mesh with, but more importantly that my son will also mesh with. Maybe being along will get old after a while, but I really wonder if this is a flaw in my personality due to having to stay home alone. I like to consider myself a strong independent person, but sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have had to go to a sitter just to have to engage with other kids. It definitely puts a different perspective on whether or not I will leave my son home alone any more.
I feel like I'm just rambling at this point so I'll end that here...
As far as coddling goes, I agree it is definitely better safe than sorry. A lot of times as parents I think we are all guilty of worrying about the what-if's that have about as much probability of happening as the world ending the next time that nut job in California predicts it.
The type of coddling that annoys me most is when parents cave in and give their kids rides to places that they can easily walk to safely, or do things for their kids that the kid should be doing. It's really no wonder that a lot of the jobs in America are going to people coming from south of the border. They don't mind actually WORKING. Many of our younger generation (mainly boys) are so lazy now that it will be a wonder if our country ever gets back on the right track. It starts with us as parents. We have to set the tone.
The unfortunate thing is those of us on this forum are the ones that actually want to raise our kids to grow up to be respectable members of our society or else we wouldn't be members of this forum. There are far too many parents out there that just don't care and that's just sad. I see so many parents so wrapped up messing with their phones while their kids do everything short of punching them in the crotch just to try to get their attention. I don't like the way things are heading. Between Facebook, Twitter and texting, parents are paying less and less attention to their kids. Although I may be guilty of leaving my kid home alone when maybe I shouldn't, the scary thing is that I think that I may actually be more aware of what he is doing when I'm not home than some of these parents are when they are home with their kids because they are so pre-occupied.
Anyway, enough ranting by me. I don't know how I ended up turning a discussion of leaving kids home alone to a rant about social media. Not a good thing to get myself worked up right before bedtime. Haha.
Anyway, I was an only child and although I had my share of friends growing up, I still spent a lot of time alone. Now, as an adult, I actually find that I prefer to spend my free time (when not occupied by my son of course) alone. Not that I don't enjoy company at times, but I just seem to feel more comfortable alone.
Just coming off of a divorce, I honestly can't ever see myself seeking another relationship since I don't mind being alone and I also see it being a pain in the you-know-what to try to not only find someone that I mesh with, but more importantly that my son will also mesh with. Maybe being along will get old after a while, but I really wonder if this is a flaw in my personality due to having to stay home alone. I like to consider myself a strong independent person, but sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have had to go to a sitter just to have to engage with other kids. It definitely puts a different perspective on whether or not I will leave my son home alone any more.
I feel like I'm just rambling at this point so I'll end that here...
As far as coddling goes, I agree it is definitely better safe than sorry. A lot of times as parents I think we are all guilty of worrying about the what-if's that have about as much probability of happening as the world ending the next time that nut job in California predicts it.
The type of coddling that annoys me most is when parents cave in and give their kids rides to places that they can easily walk to safely, or do things for their kids that the kid should be doing. It's really no wonder that a lot of the jobs in America are going to people coming from south of the border. They don't mind actually WORKING. Many of our younger generation (mainly boys) are so lazy now that it will be a wonder if our country ever gets back on the right track. It starts with us as parents. We have to set the tone.
The unfortunate thing is those of us on this forum are the ones that actually want to raise our kids to grow up to be respectable members of our society or else we wouldn't be members of this forum. There are far too many parents out there that just don't care and that's just sad. I see so many parents so wrapped up messing with their phones while their kids do everything short of punching them in the crotch just to try to get their attention. I don't like the way things are heading. Between Facebook, Twitter and texting, parents are paying less and less attention to their kids. Although I may be guilty of leaving my kid home alone when maybe I shouldn't, the scary thing is that I think that I may actually be more aware of what he is doing when I'm not home than some of these parents are when they are home with their kids because they are so pre-occupied.
Anyway, enough ranting by me. I don't know how I ended up turning a discussion of leaving kids home alone to a rant about social media. Not a good thing to get myself worked up right before bedtime. Haha.
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DadinUT, I agree. I was also left alone when I was a kid for extended hours and I also grew up enjoying being alone. And that makes me wonder if all these personality disorders are just habits that we form while growing up. I mean are we really slightly crazy for not enjoying company?
Haha, well I still enjoy company, I just don't actively seek it. I can be a very social person at times, but I'm usually somewhat shy. If you're like me, the fact that you don't mind being alone (or even prefer it most times) makes you choose the anti-social path. My ex grew up with eight siblings and she can't stand to be alone for more than a few hours and I think a lot of people are like that.usingmybrains said:
It IS NOT strictly 12, when deciding you have to use your judgment based on your child's emotional maturity - I was left home alone as young as 9 because I was responsible and I knew how to take care of myself.
Whenever you feel they are ready. There is no "right" age.
Whenever you feel they are ready. There is no "right" age.
