What are signs/impacts of sexual abuse?...

[FooserX]

So my girlfriend has a sister and brother in law who has 5 kids. 3 of the kids aren't even related to the parents, they are more or less adoption without the paperwork. (long story)

Anyway, one of the girls is 4, and she is...just...hmm...SO flirty! It's crazy to see this adorble little girl behave this way. She's very touchy feely...flirty...and there's definitely something "off" compared to most little kids. She also lies like crazy. She'll just make up stories that couldn't possibley be true. So I was wondering if anyone here had any experience with this. Maybe a neice or nephew...or a friend?

The parents think that maybe she was sexually abused, and after hanging out with them over the weekend for Mother's Day...I can totally see why they would think that. If I kissed my gf, this little girl almost acted jealous.


I was just curious to know about long term effects or symptoms I guess. I've read up on it, but everything is so vague...it all just depends on the kid.

X

 

[Xero]

Aw, poor thing... That's so sad. I don't know too much about it, I wish I could help you more, but I have exerienced this before.

One little girl my aunt adopted was (as the signs showed) sexually abused as well, and she actually acted the same way. I even experienced it firsthand when she came over to my house at around 5yrs old and my boyfriend was there. She actually went as far as to sit on his lap, and she was VERY touchy feely, and was very flirty, to the point where he felt uncomfortable. Honestly, we yelled at her. Sometimes kids learn how to act the wrong way, and they need to be corrected. As sad as it is that the behavior rooted from a misfortunate situation, she still needs to be taught that this type of behavior is unnacceptable. My aunt and uncle also did not put up with it, and they gently taught her how to act properly, and she's gotten past it. She's 11yrs old now and still has issues, but she let go of the awkward flirty touchy feely stuff a long time ago. Just because she's acting inappropriately for a reason, doesn't mean there's any reason to continue to allow her to act inappropriately. You know what I mean? She needs to live a normal life, and that includes acting like a normal girl. Her parents need to help her with that. If a little boy was beaten by his father and then learned to beat up his friends when he was mad, though its sad that he learned it in the first place, it doesn't make it okay for him to act like that, and I'm certain no one (even if they really loved him) would put up with it. Just my opinion, though.

 

[Jeremy+3]

Children we have fostered in the past have been subjected to sexual abuse, when they want a cuddle or a kiss, they need to be given it, otherwise they are taught that affection is a part of sexual abuse and nothing else, a lot of abused children who are not allowed positive affection has a massively high chance of abusing others as it is the only way they know how to be physically affectionate.

 

[fallon]

I think there's a difference between cuddles and kisses, and inappropriate sexual behavior though. I don't think anyone is saying you shouldn't cuddle an abused child

 

[Xero]

Umm... yeah. Thanks Fallon. Obviously EVERY child needs cuddled and kissed (by their PARENTS and FAMILY), but there is a huge difference between everyday cuddles and kisses and inappropriate hands-on behavior. And children like that also have the tendencies to do this to unfamiliar, non-family member people more than their adoptive parents and I'm sorry but I find it inappropriate for my little girl to kiss and sit in the lap of a male friend I invited over. That wouldn't make you uncomfortable if some 4 or 5 year old little girl you didn't know that well was all over you in ways that little girls just don't do? I certainly hope if your daughter did that, that you would teach her to know better or else one day you wont be around and the "guy" wont be as nice as Fooser and he'll enjoy it in a bad way and take advantage of it.

 

[FooserX]

Xero - you described my experience with this little girl to a "T"!

She climbed on my lap and curled up to just cuddle - it was WEIRD. Plus she was always asking I pick her up. I would pick he up and throw her in the air, but then she was trying to get me to pick her up to hug her.

And then my gf looked at her a few times, and she made eye contact, and then slid over to me while my gf watched. lol It was just so..hmm...sexually mature for a 5 year old.

I like the idea of telling them that it isn't appropriate. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Makes total sense. I guess I didn't want to shoo her away and add to her abuse in some way (neglect/rejection).

Thanks!

 

[fallon]

was this the first time you had met this little girl?

 

[FooserX]

It was the second.

The first time she was almost the same. Plus I could see her interacting with older boys (9 or 10) and she was the same way with them. I don't know, I just don't see girls normally playing with older boys like that before.

btw, :wubclub: for you fallon! When are you going to post some fat prego pics up?

 

[fallon]

I agree Foos, sounds like she needs some help :-(

and yeah, no preggo pics for me...LOL I posted one a few months back and that's all you people are getting. No body wants to see this, I promise, haha

 

[Lorelei]

As a preschool teacher, I've seen some kids with bizarre behavior in the past, who were sexually abused. One 6 yr old boy pooped his pants a lot and would play with the poop. He'd go the the bathroom, and if he was gone for a while, most certainly he would be in there mushing poop all over the walls.

One 4 yr old girl liked to fondle herself at nap time. Every day. All the time. Not just a normal, child-discovering her body parts thing.

Lying is common among abused kids.

I'm thinking that if you suspect child abuse, you have to report it. Not that you suspect your relatives, but talk with them and see if they reported it already. Not reporting suspected child abuse is a crime.

Unfortunately, I reported suspected child abuse several times, and as far as I know, nothing ever happened as a result.

Finally, this little girl may need some counseling, besides modeling appropriate behavior.

Lorelei