What is the deal?...

[Kim]

All of a sudden over the past few weeks, Hannah (6) has been saying some mean things about herself. She calls herself stupid, she thinks she's ugly, she says people don't like her...

We tell her all the time how bright she is, how special, etc. And she has a lot of friends. So why is she doing saying stuff like this? It hurts me to hear her talk like that, and I can't really imagine how she feels.

How do I deal with this? Is this normal for her to have these kinds of views about herself? What do I do to make her feel better?

 

[Lissa]

Awww. That's so sad.

I would just make sure that she knows she isn't any of those things, just like you're doing. Do you know if someone in school is bullying her?

 

[fallon]

my daughter is doing the same thing...I'm guessing it's the age plus the whole starting school thing. I just remind her all the time how special she is. I think kids are just mean to eachother these days... maybe in their minds everyone has to better than someone

 

[Kim]

Awww. That's so sad.

I would just make sure that she knows she isn't any of those things, just like you're doing. Do you know if someone in school is bullying her?

I don't think so, but we have parent-teacher conferences next week, so I plan on talking to her about this and see if she has input as well

 

[Kim]

my daughter is doing the same thing...I'm guessing it's the age plus the whole starting school thing. I just remind her all the time how special she is. I think kids are just mean to eachother these days... maybe in their minds everyone has to better than someone

Maybe it is her age then. I hate that she feels this way but at least if this is a normal phase I can feel somewhat better

 

[Lissa]

I would still talk to her teachers just to make sure.

Poor kid.

 

[fallon]

I would still talk to her teachers just to make sure.

Poor kid.

yep...I brought it up at conferences and the teacher said she hadn't noticed anything. And since then she's been invited and gone to so many girl parties so I know the girls like her, it's just how they talk...some of the other mothers in their class noticed it from their daughters too. They have to be picking it up from some where though so I just make sure to spend a little time talking to the teacher a couple times a month to check in. I think it's so important to have good communication with the teachers and other mothers in the class

 

[Kim]

yep...I brought it up at conferences and the teacher said she hadn't noticed anything. And since then she's been invited and gone to so many girl parties so I know the girls like her, it's just how they talk...some of the other mothers in their class noticed it from their daughters too. They have to be picking it up from some where though so I just make sure to spend a little time talking to the teacher a couple times a month to check in. I think it's so important to have good communication with the teachers and other mothers in the class

I agree - I try to have a good relationship with her friends' parents

 

[musicmom]

My daughter tried pulling this crap with me. At first I amused it and felt bad and asked her why and had a talk with her. I even brought cupcakes to her class at lunch. I even asked her teacher if she had friends, etc and she did. Everytime I volenteer I hear kids saying hi to her like she's miss popularity.
So the next time she tried that I said "yup, I guess your ugly poor thing" and I walked away and she said "heyyyyyyyyyy" and I said "well..if you think you are then you must be huh? and she said "no I'm not!" Very stubborn and I said "well then don't tell me that garbage again. I think you are beautiful and it matters what you and I think not anyone else. We have each other. That was the end of that. The other two never did that. Just my stubborn one who likes to get a rise out of me.

 

[Kim]

My daughter tried pulling this crap with me. At first I amused it and felt bad and asked her why and had a talk with her. I even brought cupcakes to her class at lunch. I even asked her teacher if she had friends, etc and she did. Everytime I volenteer I hear kids saying hi to her like she's miss popularity.
So the next time she tried that I said "yup, I guess your ugly poor thing" and I walked away and she said "heyyyyyyyyyy" and I said "well..if you think you are then you must be huh? and she said "no I'm not!" Very stubborn and I said "well then don't tell me that garbage again. I think you are beautiful and it matters what you and I think not anyone else. We have each other. That was the end of that. The other two never did that. Just my stubborn one who likes to get a rise out of me.

I'm glad that worked for you guys - I'm afraid to try something like that with Hannah. She really is very sensitive, and I don't know if I could pull it off without making her cry!

 

[musicmom]

Yea my daughter isn't normal I swear. You have to play hard ball with her on some things. She's very sensitive when it comes to certain things. If I knew she were serious I would have handled it differently but I could see her cracking a smile now and again so I knew she was pulling my leg just to see what I would say.

 

[aliinnc]

It sounds to me like she is hearing it from someone. Girls can be so mean!

I would try to find out who is the source. You need to maneuver yourself into opportunities to be around her and her friends. Host a party and invite all her friends. They could eat pizza and watch American Idol. Or have a sleepover.

Then listen to them and find out how they are treating each other. You may find that one girl is leading the crowd and treating the other girls negatively.

Later you could ask your daughter how she felt when 'Anna' said something mean about 'Katie'? Does she think it was true about Katie or just something 'Anna' made up? How do you think that made 'Katie' feel? Why would 'Anna' do that? Maybe next time your daughter could make a joke or say something nice to take the burden off 'Katie'...

Sometimes it is easier for your child to spot the manipulation when she is not the one involved. But having seen it, she my be able to identify it when it happens to her. That can go a long way toward defusing the effect.

Also your DD may decide that she wants to spend less time with 'Anna'. And you can help arrange that.

Best wishes.

 

[fallon]

I'm glad that worked for you guys - I'm afraid to try something like that with Hannah. She really is very sensitive, and I don't know if I could pull it off without making her cry!

mine too..only she would know I didn't mean and cry just to make me feel bad. Then she would tell people that I think she's ugly

 

[Amber]

I guess this thing is getting to be the norm for little girls anymore. I think the media puts too much pressure on girls and women to look a certain way. There's been cases of eating disorders in children as young as 5 because of it! So sad.

 

[Lissa]

I guess this thing is getting to be the norm for little girls anymore. I think the media puts too much pressure on girls and women to look a certain way. There's been cases of eating disorders in children as young as 5 because of it! So sad.

I had an eating disorder at age 9.

 

[Amber]

I hope this is something I never have to worry about with my kids. I tell them how beautiful/handsome they are all the time, hopefully to counteract any bullcrap they might possibly hear in school.

 

[musicmom]

If you ask my children why they are beautiful they will tell you it's because of their hearts and how they treat people. I try and teach them that having a pretty or handsome face doesn't make them good people.