What to do when your child swears?...
- Thread starter josie
- Start date
not really sure what that means?look said:
When DD tries out a new word or hand gester, we acknowledge what was said or done, tell her that is an adult word/gester, tell her not to use it again or she will have time out. We don't use language like that but TV and other family members are not so careful. Cussing is a window to a feabile mind.
It really depends on the age, my 23 month old started saying "oh S" we ignored it, never comented or reacted. He no longer says it, we just had to be patient.
If they are 2 or older, I still don't react, I just say "That's not a nice word it's only for adults". And I leave it alone, I have to repeat it quite a few times, before they get it, but they do get it.
I never punish for the use of a "bad" word, it's a word, not the end of the world, nobody gets hurt by using the word, and nobody dies from the use of these words, They are just word's when you really think about.
That's my take, the less you make of it, the less likely they are to use it.
If they are 2 or older, I still don't react, I just say "That's not a nice word it's only for adults". And I leave it alone, I have to repeat it quite a few times, before they get it, but they do get it.
I never punish for the use of a "bad" word, it's a word, not the end of the world, nobody gets hurt by using the word, and nobody dies from the use of these words, They are just word's when you really think about.
That's my take, the less you make of it, the less likely they are to use it.
With my children, I told them simply that those are words we don't use in our family, and that we don't want to hear them any more. If they come out again, there's a gentle reminder. Usually about three reminders, with no emotional upset and no punishment, is all it takes to get the point across.
I decided to teach my son that language is language, neither good nor bad, it is what you do with it and why that matters. I also refused to be a hypocrit since there are those in my family who do indeed use curse words, perhaps more than they should, myself included. So rather then just say no, I laid it out for him when he was little that, you don't call a chicken a boat, just because the word exists. There are always better words to choose from. Intention and appropriatness were what mattered, this took away the whole mystery and taboo nature of those kinds of words. I promised to be more careful of my language and he was perfectly free to call me on it if I did use "bad" words. In exchange I said that if he ever felt the urge to use any himself, he was to come to me, and ask permission. He did a few times, and naturally I would ask why he wished to use the word, if it was really what worked best for what he was trying to say. 9.9 times out of 10 he decided it wasn't. There have been exceptions though.
When he was 8 or 9, we were at a county fair and had decided to ride the Zipper together for the first time. That ride scared the pants off me, but we love them anyway. So we were both brave, scared, and laughing. When it got going, and we started flipping around, screaming at the tops of our lungs, my boy yells "Mom! Can I use a curse word please! please!" And since he had the presence of mind to actually ask while in that situation, I had to say yes (though for myself a more benign litany of "mommy, mommy, mommy" seemed to work) and we both shrieked and laughed and held on for dear life until we were crying and wobbly when it was over.. and discussing which ride to head for next.
I know this may not be for everyone, but it has worked very well for us. He is 12 now and I have never once had to deal with his saying something inappropriate just to be cute or because he thought he could get away with it. He still thinks about his word choice even when many of the other kids his age are just starting to think being rude and vulgar for the sake of being rude and vulgar is a sign of rebellion and independence. He thinks that is pretty stupid on their part. We actually talked about it a little today while taking a walk to the store, as I was thinking over this topic.
When he was 8 or 9, we were at a county fair and had decided to ride the Zipper together for the first time. That ride scared the pants off me, but we love them anyway. So we were both brave, scared, and laughing. When it got going, and we started flipping around, screaming at the tops of our lungs, my boy yells "Mom! Can I use a curse word please! please!" And since he had the presence of mind to actually ask while in that situation, I had to say yes (though for myself a more benign litany of "mommy, mommy, mommy" seemed to work) and we both shrieked and laughed and held on for dear life until we were crying and wobbly when it was over.. and discussing which ride to head for next.
I know this may not be for everyone, but it has worked very well for us. He is 12 now and I have never once had to deal with his saying something inappropriate just to be cute or because he thought he could get away with it. He still thinks about his word choice even when many of the other kids his age are just starting to think being rude and vulgar for the sake of being rude and vulgar is a sign of rebellion and independence. He thinks that is pretty stupid on their part. We actually talked about it a little today while taking a walk to the store, as I was thinking over this topic.
There were a few times when James and Shannie came home with some words they learned from friends at school. When they used the word, I simply said "I don't like to listen to such language" and went into my room without telling anything else. It was the time before we were going out to the playgroud and James and Shannie came quickly into my room and apologized. They never used swearing again.
I have to say that I agree with the philosophy that there are no bad words. Words take on new flavors depending on how a person chooses to use them. If you say cripes instead of s*** but with the same vehemence as one would the later--- it's still being used as an expletive. My ex-husband used common words because as he said "I never swear." And to my ears those common words, with the way that he said them, became more foul than any others I had heard in my life.
I swear-- likely more than I should because my vocabulary is better than to have no other options.
And yet, I do it.
If it's attention grabbing then ignoring it completely is likely the correct route. If it's a child adding to their vocabulary then it's a different matter is it not? I have let my son know that such words are inappropriate in certain settings and in general, they are 'adult' in nature. Therefore, when he's an adult he can use them at his choice, but since he's not, he cannot.
I swear-- likely more than I should because my vocabulary is better than to have no other options.
And yet, I do it.If it's attention grabbing then ignoring it completely is likely the correct route. If it's a child adding to their vocabulary then it's a different matter is it not? I have let my son know that such words are inappropriate in certain settings and in general, they are 'adult' in nature. Therefore, when he's an adult he can use them at his choice, but since he's not, he cannot.
WIth things like "JC" or "Oh God", we tell Delaney not to say that because it makes God sad. ANything beyond using the Lord's name in vein, we tell her that language is not acceptable in our house and she won't be saying it. I don't make a big deal out of it but definately get my point across.