What would you do? HELP...

[Tallstuff]

Hi everyone.
Would just like your opinion on something, if possible.
My son's school called this morning to tell me that yesterday DS cut a piece of hair off a girl in his class . I was shocked to say the least especially as DS didn't tell me anything.
Anyhow, they want me to see the headmaster and his teacher tomorrow to discuss his behaviour. Obviously, I need to talk to him about what happened and most importantly I want to know the reason WHY he did it. The teacher said she sees this as really "weird" behaviour and also mentioned that DS is a very "different" kid. To be honest, this got my back up a bit and I replied that all kids are different, what exactly was she implying? I told her that I would have a talk with DS after school today and discuss with hubby what we should do. I am not sure if a punishment would be the right thing in this case or if DS will completely open up and tell me everything. Of course, I have not yet heard his side of what happened, was his behaviour provoked in any way, (not that it justifies his actions), the teacher over-exaggerating, etc. etc.
Have any of you faced something similar? What do you think is the appropriate way to deal with this? i.e. punishment, what kind of punishment (withdrawal of privileges perhaps?). Maybe just going to the school with him and talking to the teacher is punishment enough?
Any ideas / feedback?
Your help is very much appreciated. thanks.

 

[ZionsRodeVos]

I would talk to your son to find out what happened and see if he simply tells you or tries to cover up what he did. Once you know his side of the story I think this will help you to decide what is a suitable consequence.

Find out if he apologized to the girl. If not I think that this could be something he should be encouraged to do.

And then taking away a privilege to drive home the point that he should never cut other peoples hair should be enough.

These are just some of the ideas that came to my mind after reading what you said.

I hope all goes well with your meeting with the headmaster and that you find the solution that works best for your son.

 

[Trina]

I would definitely want to hear each side of the story, including the girl. I would be curious as to why he did this. Does he have a crush on this girl? Did he want a piece of her hair as a token? Did it happen accidently while goofing off or did he do it to be mean?? When you get a better idea of the circumstances you can decide how and whether to discipline or not.

At the very least, I think your DS should make a verbal and written apology. Depending on the damage, perhaps pay for the hairdressing bill to remedy her hair.

 

[Teresa]

I would get as detailed an explanation as you can get, but don't be surprised if you get "I don't know" or "I just wanted to" as your explanation. As to whether or not there should be a "punishment,"every action has a consequence, and he needs to have it impressed on him that what he did was wrong. You can't just cut another person's hair whenever you feel like. He needs to apologize to the other student, both verbally and on paper. And if he were my son, I would insist on a more detailed written apology than "Sorry I cut your hair." It would have to demonstrate that he understood WHY it was wrong. And then he would offer to pay for her haircut or whatever it took to fix the damage he did. If he doesn't have money of his own, then he needs to figure out a way to work off the amount that his parents will be out to cover that expense.

 

[Trina]

I would get as detailed an explanation as you can get, but don't be surprised if you get "I don't know" or "I just wanted to" as your explanation. As to whether or not there should be a "punishment,"every action has a consequence, and he needs to have it impressed on him that what he did was wrong. You can't just cut another person's hair whenever you feel like. He needs to apologize to the other student, both verbally and on paper. And if he were my son, I would insist on a more detailed written apology than "Sorry I cut your hair." It would have to demonstrate that he understood WHY it was wrong. And then he would offer to pay for her haircut or whatever it took to fix the damage he did. If he doesn't have money of his own, then he needs to figure out a way to work off the amount that his parents will be out to cover that expense.

:yes: I agree!

 

[Ari2]

I agree about getting info from all involved. But I think you also need to have a conversation with the teacher about her comments, perhaps with the headmaster present.

What does she mean about your son being "different"? Perhaps she is implying that she thinks he has a serious problem that needs to be assessed. It is possible that she sees him not fitting in with his peers on a regular basis. Maybe she thinks he exceptional in some way and is acting out from boredom. Or maybe she thinks he falls within the wide range of "normal" and didn't mean this remark in any serious way. In the worst case scenario, she could have been signalling that she has a problem interacting with him, and this might be grounds for placing him in another class. I would want to know if it were my son.

 

[Xero]

Everyone's advice before mine sounds really good. I would however find out anything I could from the teacher about what she means. It sounded rude, but don't deny the possibility that your son might need a little extra help socially. It's okay, it happens! But it could hurt him if he doesn't get any help to get him moving along, you know? I would just like to know the details of what she meant, I know that much.

Otherwise, I wanted to say ironically enough that when I was somewhere between 5 and 7 during a Puff the Magic Dragon video being played in class, there was a girl named Sara sitting next to me that I didn't like and I had some scissors in my desk so I cut a few chunks of her hair out. She picked on me a lot. It seemed like a good idea. But I remember my mom being very upset and I had to apologize and that. But I'm fairly normal I think...lol. Kids do bad things. It's ok, it's normal. I'd be worried about a kid who NEVER got in trouble. But I would ask the teacher for a little more explanation.

P.S. - This is my 100th post!!!! YAAAY!!