When do you have the "birds and bees" talk?...

[amyjo5995]

My oldest son is 11yrs old and has been asking more and more "personal" questions. Things that come up while watching t.v., or stuff like that. A while back, we were talking about the youngest Spears girl being pregnant and probably losing her show on one of the kids channels. Then the other day, something was on t.v. and the word sperm came up. That brought up questions about what it was and what it does. I tried to tell him as truthful as possible but without too much detail. I told him that it was something that the man produces to help make a baby. He asked if it was pee, and I said no, but come from the same hole. His reply was just a normal, Oh, ok! and that was that. I am wondering, though, about getting a book and being ready for if he comes to me, but I don't know if he would come to me without any encouragement. I thought about going to him and telling him that i've noticed he's had more questions lately, and if he has any more, at any time, to know he can come to me and not to be embarassed. Do you think 11 is to young to be having that kind of talk? Their grandma is 74 and thinks it is just horrible that when he asks these type of questions that I answer as truthfully as possible, but in this day and age i would rather he hear it from me and come to me with questions and to know that I will be honest and they can trust me. I know the day is coming, I guess i'm just not ready for my boys to grow up.:swoon:

 

[Kaytee]

I think you are doing everything right so far. I think that him asking you these questions is very good! You can give him good information with out the added crap that some kid at school might tell him.

You are right I am sure grandma is freaking, but things were not talked about them at all. Now they are talked about everytwhere and better him learn it from you

 

[amyjo5995]

Yea, I'd rather be honest and not use all the "code" words you always hear, but hopefully it won't freak him out. Don't want to give too much info! I do get tickled at their grandma, because with 2 boys things sometimes get a little "dirty"-you know how boys like to have the shock factor of saying things like "Guess what? I farted!" and that type of things. She gets all bent out of shape-"That's horrible, good boys shouldn't talk like that". Then I had to go back and do damage control and tell them that those really aren't things you should say in public or around company, but at home, just goofing off, it's ok sometimes. I'd rather not have to do damage control on things she might tell them if they ask her about sex!

 

[Trina]

I don't think the "Birds and the Bees" discussion is a one time thing, or should be done at one set age. It's a gradual process that involves many discussions over time that become more specific and detailed as each child matures and asks more questions. My kids are 9 & 11. We've had many interesting chats, but it all began when we started teaching them the proper body terms when they were very little. They know the proper terms and aren't embarrassed to use them.

I think you're handling it well, and yes, tell your DS to come to you if he has any questions or concerns. My DS (11) has also been asking a lot of questions. I answer them truthfully and matter-of-factly. He has learned to come to me, because DH gets embarrassed. LOL!

There are many books for girls, but 've been looking for a book geared toward boys. Has anyone found one?

 

[amyjo5995]

Oh, I would like to find a book like that, too!-One geared more towards informing boys. I am a avid reader and I've found that if I can have a book to refer too, to deal with things better.

Yeah, I figured it would be an ongoing process with the talks. I'm glad that he already feels comfortable enough to ask questions. I would like to be more prepared so we he does have something to ask, I'm not caught off guard.

 

[Kaytee]

OMG there is a book for boys! I will have to think about it, but its something liek a handbook for boys or something. It even tells them how to get girls to like them. Its cute and humorous so it keeps them reading but also talks about hte good stuff

 

[Teresa]

Honestly, I started when mine were three or four years old, because that's when they started asking questions. I kept things age appropriate, with words they would understand, but I told them the truth. Then we just built on it over time, adding more and more details each time. By the time they saw "the film" in school, in fifth grade, it was old news to all of them.

 

[Kim]

Hannah is almost 6 and asked me the other day how women get pregnant. I didn't know what to say! I told her that I would think about how to explain it to her and we would have a talk later....I want to tell her age appropriate stuff, and I want to give her good information, but not too much!

Does anyone know if there are good book recommendations for girls at this young age?

 

[Kaytee]

Nichole has one, its a bit over her hear now, lol It just sits on her shelf at this point.

It's called How are Babies Made? an Usborne Flip Flpa book

 

[Kaytee]

<AMAZON id="0746025025" tld="uk" url="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Babies-Made-Usborne-Flip-Flaps/dp/0746025025">http://www.amazon.co.uk/Babies-Made-Usborne-Flip-Flaps/dp/0746025025</AMAZON>

 

[unmanaged]

I would say that getting a book is a great idea. I think all the things you have been doing are absolutely GREAT. You habe answered him truthfully (important), and it is good that he knows things from you, who he probably trusts. good job!

 

[Aunt]

try this book
<AMAZON id="0802775403" url="http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Going-Down-There-Questions/dp/0802775403">http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Going-Down-There-Questions/dp/0802775403</AMAZON>

I got the girls eq for my niece and it was really good. He can take it away and have a read and then come to you with any questions. Is there an adult male he can have a chat with? He may be a little embarassed when it applies to him

 

[musicmom]

My girls do not know. I did explain everything to my son. He's almost eight and not a stupid kid so I told him what I thought he could handle.
Instead of "penetration" I said that a man and a woman's body fit together (got that off of City of Angels) and went from there. He knows what sperm is. And all those details. So to me, 7 1/2 was old enough for most of it.

 

[Kaytee]

I also agree very much with what Trina said, that their is no reason why it should be a "talk" it should be just naturally learned slowly thoughout the child's young life.
Like Music mom said, by the time they are 7is, or when they start asking more questions is when you give more details like "fitting together". Thats cute

 

[Teresa]

Oh, I agree, Kaytee....keep it age appropriate and understandable, and in the beginning, just go with answering the questions they are asking. Otherwise they get overwhelmed and frustrated with too much information.

 

[Illumination]

I think you're definitely doing the right thing. But by age 11, it's understandable he's curious, and i think by now he has the right to know the basics. Some kids don't appreciate parents bringing up the subject ("Mom! I don't want to know!") but most likely are secretly curious. Others would be happy to know straight from a parent. So try to determine which category your kid falls under. If it's the first - great! If it's the second, investigate to see if his school has a "sex ed" class in the recent future. That may be preferable for some kids.
Also i think getting a book is a good idea. Maybe leave it lying conveniently around on a bookshelf.
Good luck!