Yelling at someone else's kid...

[melynie]

A few days ago I was at my local library sitting on a lounge trying to read a novel.
A boy of about 4 or 5 years was making loud noises - squeals, farting noises from his mouth. His behaviour made it impossible for me to continue reading.
I waited for him to stop but he kept going on and on.

I don't know about others, but I see a library as a place you go to read - a sanctuary where you can escape into a novel, do some research and enrich the mind.

After about 5 minutes I snapped and told the kid to shut up. The kid ran away and did just that.

I think people need to be stricter with children so that they learn what they can and can't do. Making disgusting noises in a library is one of those things that kids should learn quickly not to do.

Does anyone support the action I took with this child?

 

[Lissa]

I don't support that you told him to "shut up." A polite "please be quiet" would have been a better approach.

 

[musicmom]

I agree with Lissa

 

[jrrsmom]

I went to Wal Mart today. I was trying to make it a quick run since my little one is sick.

Anyways, I get into the soap aisle and there is a mom with 3 boys. One who's name was Tyler kept running around the aisles. I went to turn down the next one and SMACK right into my cart. The mother said nothing. I continue on my way and I go to the end and SMACK. He hits my cart AGAIN. Finally I looked at him and told him that a store was not the place to be running and he was going to seriously get hurt. His mom grabbed him by the arm and as they walked away she told him she was going to call his dad. Pfft! Yeah that made no difference. The rest of the time that I was in the store I could hear his mouth. Telling him mom to shut up; screaming at his brothers, calling them names. Annoying!

So I go to check out and guess who's behind me? Oh yeah...it's them. So I'm just standing there and I get hit with a shoe. HIS shoe. I was pissed. I turned around picked it up and walked back to his mom and not so politely told her "If I wanted to experience the zoo I would go to one. I don't need to deal with YOUR kids while I'm shopping. If you can't get them to behave then you should leave them at home."


I understand kids act up but there is a point and time to stop your shopping and leave. Had he been my child we would have been in the bathroom and he would have been spanked. If he wasn't able to act properly after that we would have left and he would get punished when we got home.

Phew! I feel better now, thanks!

 

[Ari2]

I agree with Lissa and MM.

The only time I've said something to someone else's kid was when I was at a petting zoo. There was a boy around 10 or 11 years old who repeatedly kicked and punched one of the smaller goats as it tried to get away from him. I didn't raise my voice, but my brain kind of snapped and I hissed "Do NOT kick or punch that goat again". I'm sure the look I gave him was pretty bad. As far as I could see, his parents must have dropped him off unsupervised. I then found the zoo attendant who was off daydreaming and told her that she probably should keep an eye on him as he was having problems treating the animals gently. I didn't regret it, but I was pissed for a while that the parents had been absent and the kid was so mean.

 

[fallon]

I think I would probably have some very unkind words for anyone who told my child to shut up.

 

[musicmom]

I think I would probably have some very unkind words for anyone who told my child to shut up.

Words?? I'd probably punch them in the mouth!

 

[evilbrent]

I don't support that you told him to "shut up." A polite "please be quiet" would have been a better approach.

yeah, being rude was unreasonable, but certainly you're within your rights to respectfully address other people's kids - I wish more people would.

 

[evilbrent]

Words?? I'd probably punch them in the mouth!

more violence huh?

 

[musicmom]

If a grown adult is going to get in MY childs face then yes, there is going to be violence!

 

[evilbrent]

I went to Wal Mart today. I was trying to make it a quick run since my little one is sick.

Anyways, I get into the soap aisle and there is a mom with 3 boys. One who's name was Tyler kept running around the aisles. I went to turn down the next one and SMACK right into my cart. The mother said nothing. I continue on my way and I go to the end and SMACK. He hits my cart AGAIN. Finally I looked at him and told him that a store was not the place to be running and he was going to seriously get hurt. His mom grabbed him by the arm and as they walked away she told him she was going to call his dad. Pfft! Yeah that made no difference. The rest of the time that I was in the store I could hear his mouth. Telling him mom to shut up; screaming at his brothers, calling them names. Annoying!

So I go to check out and guess who's behind me? Oh yeah...it's them. So I'm just standing there and I get hit with a shoe. HIS shoe. I was pissed. I turned around picked it up and walked back to his mom and not so politely told her "If I wanted to experience the zoo I would go to one. I don't need to deal with YOUR kids while I'm shopping. If you can't get them to behave then you should leave them at home."


I understand kids act up but there is a point and time to stop your shopping and leave. Had he been my child we would have been in the bathroom and he would have been spanked. If he wasn't able to act properly after that we would have left and he would get punished when we got home.

Phew! I feel better now, thanks!

admittedly being actually HIT with a flying shoe is pretty extreme - but spare a thought for the poor mum. She's not a bad person - she might have made a whole string of bad parenting mistakes (for starters, assuming that the threat of "I'll call you father" INCREASED her own authority - DUH) that led to the position that her kids act nuts when they can get away with it (which sounds like always).

But she's not a bad person.

I have read an interesting article on this exact thing - can find it for you if you like, but you actually missed out on a really great chance to do a Random Act Of Kindness there. I think that a better response would have been to address the parent "Hi, how's it going. I don't know if you realised this but your kid threw their shoe at me. You look really stressed, do you mind if I give you some advice - I did, after all, get hit with the shoe? When you make endless empty threats without carrying through you basically invite your kid to walk all over you. You're the parent - never make a threat you're not committed to acting on."

She may, or may not, have liked that advice - but going up and yelling at HER only helped to spread the hate around a bit more.

 

[evilbrent]

If a grown adult is going to get in MY childs face then yes, there is going to be violence!

and how does that make you feel?

 

[jrrsmom]

admittedly being actually HIT with a flying shoe is pretty extreme - but spare a thought for the poor mum. She's not a bad person - she might have made a whole string of bad parenting mistakes (for starters, assuming that the threat of "I'll call you father" INCREASED her own authority - DUH) that led to the position that her kids act nuts when they can get away with it (which sounds like always).

But she's not a bad person.

I have read an interesting article on this exact thing - can find it for you if you like, but you actually missed out on a really great chance to do a Random Act Of Kindness there. I think that a better response would have been to address the parent "Hi, how's it going. I don't know if you realised this but your kid threw their shoe at me. You look really stressed, do you mind if I give you some advice - I did, after all, get hit with the shoe? When you make endless empty threats without carrying through you basically invite your kid to walk all over you. You're the parent - never make a threat you're not committed to acting on."

She may, or may not, have liked that advice - but going up and yelling at HER only helped to spread the hate around a bit more.

To be quite frank...I didn't have the patience. She has had 3 kids and if she doesn't know all that by now I'm not going to help her.

 

[evilbrent]

"Hi, how's it going. I don't know if you realised this but your kid threw their shoe at me. You look really stressed, do you mind if I give you some advice - I did, after all, get hit with the shoe? When you make endless empty threats without carrying through you basically invite your kid to walk all over you. You're the parent - never make a threat you're not committed to acting on."

edit:

and then I'd get down to the kid's level and say "Please don't throw things at me. I don't like it."

...the little punk has probably never had someone say that to them.

 

[evilbrent]

To be quite frank...I didn't have the patience. She has had 3 kids and if she doesn't know all that by now I'm not going to help her.

that's fine.

 

[fallon]

yeah, being rude was unreasonable, but certainly you're within your rights to respectfully address other people's kids - I wish more people would.

I totally agree. I have seen a lot of children bullying other kids at the parks and such. I usually say something but never in a mean or aggressive way. I would however be very upset with someone who took upon themselves to speak harshly to my child. That is way out of bounds

 

[evilbrent]

I've had one occasion at the zoo where my kid was trying to hit some other kids. He was trying to hit them because they were bigger than him, and standing 5 feet back so they could taunt him.

First thing I did was got my 4 yr old to stop where he was. Then one of the taunters, assuming faultlessness because I was a stranger, started to list my son's crimes, and I interrupted him with "He's angry at you because you're taunting him. How about you just go that way, and we'll go this way?"

I got the feeling that this kid was expecting me to go ballistic at my own son, and leave him alone because I was a stranger - but I said nothing that could have been interpreted as "getting in his face"... but I also said nothing that could have been interpreted as "I'm ok with you taunting my son."

The other parents didn't blink at me.

 

[Ari2]

admittedly being actually HIT with a flying shoe is pretty extreme - but spare a thought for the poor mum. She's not a bad person - she might have made a whole string of bad parenting mistakes (for starters, assuming that the threat of "I'll call you father" INCREASED her own authority - DUH) that led to the position that her kids act nuts when they can get away with it (which sounds like always).

But she's not a bad person.

I have read an interesting article on this exact thing - can find it for you if you like, but you actually missed out on a really great chance to do a Random Act Of Kindness there. I think that a better response would have been to address the parent "Hi, how's it going. I don't know if you realised this but your kid threw their shoe at me. You look really stressed, do you mind if I give you some advice - I did, after all, get hit with the shoe? When you make endless empty threats without carrying through you basically invite your kid to walk all over you. You're the parent - never make a threat you're not committed to acting on."

She may, or may not, have liked that advice - but going up and yelling at HER only helped to spread the hate around a bit more.

I agree with a lot of this, almost all of it, really. But I wonder whether the response to the mother would help. Either she cares or not. If she doesn't care, anything one says is wasted breath. If she does care, she must feel frustrated, inept, and probably a little embarrassed. A parenting tip, regardless of how sensible it is and how reasonably it is delivered, might make her feel worse and not register as useful, well intentioned advice. Usually in those situations I try to muster a sympathetic smile and just say something like "Some days are just hard, huh?". Anything more would be either go unheeded or be negatively received. Few people like to hear critiques of their parenting style, even fewer from strangers in the middle of a mini-crisis. But a little kindness and sympathy might allow her to view the situation more from a stranger's eyes.

Undoubtedly there is no right answer. And these situations are hard to watch. Especially after you've had a shoe to the head.

 

[evilbrent]

of course... if she's NOT willing to listen to your advice... at least you got a free shoe out of the affair...

 

[Kaytee]

of course... if she's NOT willing to listen to your advice... at least you got a free shoe out of the affair...

lol I liek the free shoe bit!
I agree that you don't have to yell at someone to get their attention. You save that for after you try