Young adults with little interest in opposite sex....

[Dagwood]

Is it normal for young adults to show little interest in the opposite sex? It doesn't seem like it's just my kids; they have a group of friends that seem the same way. For example, I've been driving with my 21-year-old son and his head doesn't budge when we pass a pretty girl. However, if there was a computer on the side of the road or an old sports car in the driveway he would probably kink his neck. He's had one or two girls that have been very interested in dating him and he's brushed them off. And no, he doesn't show even the remotest sign of being gay.

My wife gets a little annoyed with me when I bring this up with her and says that he will be interested when the time is right. It just seems like the time should be right by now and I'm concerned that he's missing out on an important aspect of life. Am I out of line to be concerned about this?

 

[sbattisti]

It's the nature of parents to be worried about their kids. 90% of the parents out there would love to be in your shoes, rather than worrying about whether their 14-yo girl is sexually active.

Is it "out of line"? Maybe. Not quite sure. That's a strong way of wording it. I guess, I don't think this is something you should talk to your son about, honestly. I mean, I think it would be good to be there for him to understand whether or not he is happy in general. But pressing him on his sexuality? I just don't see what it will gain you. I agree with your wife that he will show interest when he's ready to show interest.

For the record, too, "gayness" isn't often readily noticeable. Kids who know early on that they are gay often are EXTREMELY adept at hiding it. So, I wouldn't rule that possibility out.

Anyway, I guess I ultimately agree with your wife on this one.

Good luck!

~s

 

[Father_0f_7]

I wouldn't worry about it at all. When he's ready to be interested in girls he will be interested in girls. Maybe he is and he just doesn't show it around you (or anyone else). That's how my son Jon is. He LOVES girls...and everyone knows it. But around us he acts like he doesn't care at all. I guess it's an embarassment issue.

And just for the record, I don't really know of any obvious "signs" of being gay. Unless of course he comes up and says "hey I'm gay".

 

[Jeremy+3]

And just for the record, I don't really know of any obvious "signs" of being gay. Unless of course he comes up and says "hey I'm gay".

Same here.

Plus, you should probably be glad that your son isn't a perv, unlike some other people who seem to find gorping at women to be acceptable.

 

[Xero]

I agree there that gay isn't always just that obvious, and that you should never just assume that you know one way or the other. Chances are he could keep it from you if he wanted to. BUT I am not suggesting your son is gay, heck I would have no idea whatsoever lol.

Anyway, is he really not interested in girls? Or is he just the type to be embarassed about it, maybe even ashamed about it? Some people are like that. What kind of personality does he have? Is he loud and outgoing, has a lot of friends, plays sports and goes out and parties with his friends, is a social butterfly and gets along with people easily etc etc? Or is he more of an introvert, shy and quiet, has a smaller group of friends, spends most of his time by himself and likes it that way, isn't extremely confident when it comes to people etc? A lot of times with people in the second category, the issue isn't so much that they're not interested in the opposite sex, its just that they don't have it in them to make it obvious. He might be particularly embarassed about making it obvious in front of his parents (although I will have to say that he is getting a little old for that, its still not impossible). Maybe he's not confident enough in himself or outgoing enough to just go after girls and whatnot. He may have even had some major letdowns in school or something that you don't even know about that just turned him off from the whole idea. Its hard to say without knowing him, but I bet I could come up with a theory if I did. Anyway I'm sure he's fine, when he's like 25 and still not interested then I would start to worry lol. Though I wont lie, 21 is old enough that I would probably be at least wondering about it or worried if I were you too, though there's not anything you can or should do about it.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

some guys just are like that -- cars, football, videogames -- yay! women -- nay! doesn't mean he's gay or something, he's a big little boy. Hopefully, he will grow up someday

 

[Dagwood]

Don't get me wrong - I'm not anxious to become a grandfather anytime soon. And I'm not one of those parents who is paranoid about their children being gay, but he doesn't seem anywhere close to being inclined that way. He's also not overly shy or particularly worried about expressing his feelings.

I guess my concern is about balance more than just not dating. As I mentioned in another thread, he spends a great deal of time computer-gaming. He's a WW2 buff and is into war games, computers and old cars. Very little interest in physical activity, enjoying the outdoors or social events. Most of his friends seem the same way.

I don't know if it is particular to my area but I seem to be noticing a trend this way in general. Kids either go to one extreme where they grow up much too quickly or the other, where they're hardly interested in dating. There seems to be very little middle-ground which is where most of the population seemed to fall when I was growing up. I think that the internet must have something to do with this change.

But I think you all have offered good input. There's not much that can be achieved by me interfering. Have any of you noticed similar trends with young adults?

 

[Chrissie]

My husband didn't do much dating, he was too busy in other things and sounds alot like your son is. He met his 1st wife ( he met her when he was 18) and then myself after their marriage ended ( She was cheating on him, which for the life of me I'd never understand as hes a rare man of loving, respectfull to women, especially me, I am the center of his world and works hard to take care of his family..her loss ). I think he said he dated 1 other girl who was a family friend like twice when he was 16..LOL! And I promise you my husband is not gay..you can trust me on that one..its just his personality, not everyone is led by relationships and sexualness....when he finds someone that intrests him, he'll share with you when hes ready..he'll prolly be old fashioned like my hubby and keep it to himself for awhile as he prolly wont get into it unless he's serious. He's prolly gonna be very private about it. I would not worry as our oldest is just like him, lol!

 

[teenage_parent]

i got interested in sex early... and here i am... 16 and a father.

my ex girlfriend got interested late... she was a year older than i was and i was her first... and there she was... a mother who left her daughter.

there is no formula. just make sure your children knows and feels that they can talk with you about anything especially about sex.

 

[Xero]

He's probably just really occupied by the things he likes to do, and he just doesn't concern himself much in that area then I would bet. If he got out and hung around people more often, he would probably run into the right girl or at least someone he was interested in soon enough. Has he gone to the bar at all with his friends or anything? I think its difficult to be interested in something that's not really around much. Gotta get out into the social world! He'll be okay.

 

[diapersniper]

It took me until I was about 17 to be comfortable with girls and looking back I realize how many girls were interested in me throughout highschool but I was just to shy or dumb to notice, ha. My brother was a bit shy and never really got into finding a g/f until university.

 

[Dagwood]

He's probably just really occupied by the things he likes to do, and he just doesn't concern himself much in that area then I would bet. If he got out and hung around people more often, he would probably run into the right girl or at least someone he was interested in soon enough. Has he gone to the bar at all with his friends or anything? I think its difficult to be interested in something that's not really around much. Gotta get out into the social world! He'll be okay.

He never goes to bars or any social events that women would typically attend. He says it's too expensive. Him and his buddies usually get together in the basement rec-room to have a few drinks and play computer games or watch the occasional movie. I sometimes joke with my wife that none of them are very likely to find a girl in our basement.

 

[yeojungi]

He never goes to bars or any social events that women would typically attend. He says it's too expensive. Him and his buddies usually get together in the basement rec-room to have a few drinks and play computer games or watch the occasional movie. I sometimes joke with my wife that none of them are very likely to find a girl in our basement.

Well we as parents want our kids to be sociable and even popular, but not everyone is that way. As long as he has a good group of friends, that's pretty good. A bar or club is not the only place to meet a future wife-- it can be at school, work, church or where you volunteer.

As for the computer games and movies, my husband (38 yrs old early adopter, played with computers since young age) has been that way and that's frustrating for someone who lives with him, but that's never an issue to himself. Hopefully, your son will become more inclined to interact with people directly, face-to-face. I wish I knew the answer to that question.

 

[Choppy]

You know, I'm sure my parents thought the same things about me as I grew up.

I didn't have a girlfriend through most of highschool. I only answered questions about the topic and never brought it up. I was passionately interested in physics, science fiction and pre-internet role playing games. In fact, until the middle of tenth grade I wore sweat pants to school on a regular basis because I believed that maximizing comfort and minimizing athletic restriction was the most logical way to dress.

I mean come on, what lady doesn't want a piece of that action?

And for me anyway, therein lay the answer. The girls I found attractive I also considered to be out of my league. The few attempts I made at asking anyone out resulted in crashes and burns and when you're young with confidence as fragile as glass, it doesn't take much for you to give up and focus on the part of the world that doesn't reject you.

I'm not sure there was anything my parents could have done. In fact, I think if they would have done anything, it would have made things worse. I would have felt like a failure who needed parental guidance in the world of romance.

In time it all worked out. Eventually I learned that you wear jeans not because you're a weak-minded slave to fashion, but because they make your butt look good. And I found a nerdy girl who said yes when I asked her out.

 

[superman]

hell yeah he could be gay.... but most likely hes just a really private guy.

 

[IADad]

He reminds me a little of myself, except I had girls for friends too. I was just kinda shy, I was interested in girls, just afraid to show it overtly...I do wish I had "had more fun" while I was younger, but I don't think my parents could have changed that. Be happy he's happy, he'll figure it out.

 

[NancyM]

My son was the same way, I just took it as shy, akwardness, but normal. If girls talked to him he talked back, but didn't make the first move, and funny but a few of his friends were the same.

One kid had a girlfriend since he was born I think, lol but the other kids were slow like Max. Max has a girlfriend now for almost a year but she initialiated it I'm sure, she does all the driving lol and makes all the plans to go places, lol, I just think Max is still immature in that area but he's learning, and his girlfriend doesn't mind.
she is also 3 yrs older than him, and girls mature so much faster.

Your son will get there.

 

[monamona]

<t>Hi all this post actually was the subject that I was looking for when I found the website. I’m a single mom of a 6 year old, his father turned out to be gay and I have always been wondering whether my son might be gay as well... I know he’s just a child but it would make a huge difference if I knew and raised him accordingly – I mean after all you’re born gay, right? One of my friends saw an ad of a certinex gay test which apparently can find the answer with a dna test. I wrote to the company and they said that the test can be performed on anyone not depending on the age. I’m not sure whether I should do it or not... Is it possible that the sexual preferences can change over time? Or is it something he needs to figure out by himself? Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated<br/>
<br/>
Thank you <br/>
Mona</t>

 

[Chrissie]

I think it would be better for you to let him grow into who he is, there are plenty of stright kids with gay parents and I don't think they really do anything differently just be accepting of who he is.

 

[monamona]

Thanks Chrissie

I have been interested in this subject for a while now and have read from different places that people are born gay or straight or bi. I also stumbled on a gay teenagers forum where there were many posts about the difficulties they had to go through in order to accept themselves that they are gay. I am not obsessed with the gay thing, neither have I anything for it or against it. I have just discussed it with a couple of friends and done some research on the web. Now that there seems to be a product that actually gives you the answer I'm hesitating - it would be in the best interest of my son, right? I mean wouldn't it be almost the same as refusing to accept your child as a girl or a boy and let the child figure it out on his/her own?