(Bad Dad # 2) are you a boy or a mouse?...

[parentastic]

He is a little bit of a germaphobe. And his Great grandma is a freak about stuff. She had a fit because when we dry stuff on the line "bats will hide in them" But he is not OCD or anything like that. We like snakes and catch spiders. And he has been stung a time or two. But who hasnt? He washes his hands more than anyone in the family. But I think they preach that in school.

"Sometimes a cigar, is just a cigar" I think mice just creep him out.

Fair enough.
I am most probably going to make a fool out of me again so bear with me:

Have you <I>asked</I> him what he is afraid of, precisely, about handling the mouse? You said you heard what he said, and that "which in my opinion were a bunch of lame excuses (but I heard him)" - so I guess my question is, have you <I>understood</I> the deeper underlying reasons for his fears? Or are you assuming he is resisting only out of laziness?

 

[bssage]

Fair enough.
I am most probably going to make a fool out of me again so bear with me:

Have you <I>asked</I> him what he is afraid of, precisely, about handling the mouse? You said you heard what he said, and that "which in my opinion were a bunch of lame excuses (but I heard him)" - so I guess my question is, have you <I>understood</I> the deeper underlying reasons for his fears? Or are you assuming he is resisting only out of laziness?

No I don't think its laziness. He its the germs. and that part I understand because he #1 has been taught that by grandma &amp; #2 he is technically correct. We went through several million excuses to get to the one that was real. From headache to got to poop to I left my game on.

So while his reason is not wrong (and I explained this to him) it IMHO is out of proportion for the activity I am asking him to do. That the risk is there. But can easily be mitigated by the touch free traps, paper towels and washing his hands afterwords.

It started out as a calm exercise. He escalated it and I allowed myself to follow suit. My bad. When we went from bad to worse was when the no holds barred disrespect came out. That changed the dynamic of the exercise from removal of the mouse to needing to teach him that just because you feel a situation has gone beyond your control that you cant just freely lash out at that point.

In retrospect I should have just ended the mouse exercise. Waited for things to calm down and readdressed the disrespect separately.

I want to: And am trying to address the disrespect or more specifically his loss of control. Its really a stumbled upon teaching opportunity IMHO. We all know someone who threw their phone or punched a wall in a out of control moment. We probably have all said things we simply "cant take back" in those moments.

So I really have shifted my priorities from the mouse lesson. To the loss of control lesson. I have found the news to be a great tool for this. It seems a lot of otherwise OK people have had a moment where they thought "I just dont care" and the result of those moments end up in our local paper.

We have not seen a mouse since. But (fingers crossed) he will handle it if it happens again.