Bad uncle or just a mistake?...

[NancyM]

wow, you seem to think I have some kind of agenda. I was trying to examine all the points of view to try to figure out some logic to how we come to the kinds of decisions we do as parents.

I'm sorry that you doubt my sincerity, I was just asking questions.

I guess we can't have this discussion.

Well why didn't you just say this in the first place? I responded to your first post below which actually asks me a question directly, it just so happens my answer doesn't agree with Kdryns. I'm really not sure what your upset about.

[QUOTE BY IADAD So, Nancy, would you let a 9 year old walk 6 blocks to school? That's a pretty normal activity, full of risk in today's world yet millions of people do it, even longer distances.

I just don't see where Kevin, given his locale and situation is creating an excessive risk, or creating an unmitigated danger.

I'm not trying to start a fight with you, just trying to get establish some perspective on the discussion.

Obviously we all agree that there are certain things we let kids do that contain risk. How do we decide which ones have an acceptable level of risk and which one's are dangerous? UNQUOTE]

Another thing, where in kdryn's post does it talk about his 'LOCALE" you didn't respond to that. and ...I think your trying to start a fight with me.

 

[mom2many]

I think every parent does what is right for their child because the parent is the only one who truly knows their child. So while one may say HELL no, another will have no problem with it.

Nancy, your child wasn't ready, otherwise I don't think you would have been as extreme (yes extreme) as you were. Does that mean other parents aren't oblivious? No there are other parents who go the opposite way. Some of mine were ready at that age to be alone, others were not. Children need to learn some self resilience, parents need to quit hovering (like the hubby) and let them learn, explore and wonder at the world.

Yes the world is scary, yes their are pervs and morons out there but that is our world. God forbid I got in an accident and couldn't get to them when I should have been picking them up, then what? They would be completely lost, I remember when Ted was 6, he went to a special school and was bused home but because the buss went passed my younger dd's school they would usually just drop him off there, even the sub's new that if I did not personally pick him up there were to bring him directly to the house. Well guess what? a new sub and she left him at my dd's school, except my dd didn't go that day. When he is running late I call and it turns out that she dropped him off I panic. Imagine LA 2 major roads, we lived only a few miles from LAX, while our area was nice we were surrounded by the ghetto. I was never more pround of him then when he rounded our block, he had never walked that way before and it was a good 2 miles away. He was so proud of himself and we were told his story all the time about how he did it. That is the day I realized I need to have more faith in their abilities cause until then I was a helicopter mom.

 

[MomoJA]

It is true that our children will have to learn to live in a world with perverts, but it is also true that it is our jobs to protect them. But it's not because it is my job that I will do whatever I have to do to protect my child to the best of my abilities. It is for purely selfish reasons. It is self preservation as much as anything else.

Everyone keeps going back to this idea that to protect your children and not let them be in situations where something ugly and preventable could happen to them is coddling or not teaching them to be independent, self-reliant, or savvy. I see the two things as being mutually exclusive. I see driving my child to and from school, finding alternatives to letting them stay alone, etc., as prophylactic. It's sort of like allowing your child to participate in a dangerous sport, but insisting that they use all the safety equipment available. I wouldn't consider that extreme. If the parent didn't allow the child to participate at all I might consider it extreme.

I'd agree that each parent has to make these sorts of decisions about their own children, and that reasonable parents can parent differently and still be reasonable parents.

 

[kdryan]

This is the post I'm referring to, If you are Kevin, how the h would I know that, and in this post you do not explain about your locale so how am I suppose to that either.

I think you just don't like me disagreeing with your decision to leave your children alone. That's fine, but I'm entitled to my opinion, and I'm sticking by it. you must realize that people have different opinions than yours right? You obviously had a sense that many people would disagree with you because you tell us to 'Commence flaming you' hmm.

Interesting how you you confuse being a careful parent with being a controlling one. You can't seem to see the difference. I think there's a thread on this board, that talks about controlling parents, it might do you some good to go over there and read a few of them just so you can see the difference.

Yeah, that must be it...

 

[Dadu2004]

Alright, here's my 2 cents...I tend to be one of those parents that is very protective of my child. My ex and I have this argument constantly....what I consider to be protective, she considers to be controlling. What she considers to be freedom, I consider to be reckless. She says that my child will resent me because I am overly protective...I say that my child will become wild and overbearing because of the "freedoms" that her mother allows.

All in all, I tend to side with MomoJA and NancyM in this situation...from my perspective, this is a sick and dangerous world that we live in...creeps are everywhere and risks are getting greater and greater everyday. I used to walk over 1 mile to school when I was a kid starting from the 2nd grade. There's no way in hell I would let my child do that now. But, that's the way that I choose to raise my child. Other people raise their children a different way...it doesn't mean it's wrong, it just means its different.

The sooner that we celebrate our differences instead of condemning them, the sooner we can stop attacking each other.

 

[uncle dad]

kinda off topic, but not really.

there's something called helicopter parents. its becoming the norm. these parents call the college professor when their lil angel fails a test or a course. 27 is the new 21. kids are moving out later, momm and daddy pay their bills. basically their is no pressure or incentive for them to get out on their own.

i think coddling your kids does more damage than we might think. schools have banned dodge ball, tag and man other innocent games because these psychologist say it promotes victimization. really? is that where we as a society have gone to?

there is no last place anymore, its called the last winner. pathetic

 

[Dadu2004]

kinda off topic, but not really.

there's something called helicopter parents. its becoming the norm. these parents call the college professor when their lil angel fails a test or a course. 27 is the new 21. kids are moving out later, momm and daddy pay their bills. basically their is no pressure or incentive for them to get out on their own.

i think coddling your kids does more damage than we might think. schools have banned dodge ball, tag and man other innocent games because these psychologist say it promotes victimization. really? is that where we as a society have gone to?

there is no last place anymore, its called the last winner. pathetic

That's your opinion. It doesn't mean it's right or wrong, it just means it's your opinion. Not every parent views it that way.

 

[IADad]

Okay, Nancy, I'd really like to publicly clear the air with you. I really really am not trying to fight with you in any way, my questions were and are just that, questions, and I do value your opinions. I don't always agree with them or understand where they come from, so I ask questions.

As for the whole Kevin and his locale thing, I didn't respond because I thought it was probably understood by that point in the thread. I knew his name because he'd been a poster here for a long(ish) time, and he recently posted a coming back thread, where I think he gave us his name, anyway, I didn't respond because I thought it was understood at that point and I didn't want to seem like I was sparring on anything. His locale is in his profile thingy to the left.

So, when I asked you about walking 6 blocks, I wasn't being accusatory, I was asking. In some places it's the norm in others it's unheard of and completely out of the question, so i wanted to know about that.

I don't believe I ever accused you of coddling your son, I don't think I expressed any opinion on your child rearing. Sorry if you inferred something from anything I wrote.

I'm really not trying to win anything here, they were simply questions, it's what I do.

 

[NancyM]

Ok thanks for explaining that IADad, I felt a little under fire for a while but that's the way it goes on message boards so I have no hard feelings.

 

[IADad]

Ok thanks for explaining that IADad, I felt a little under fire for a while but that's the way it goes on message boards so I have no hard feelings.

none, here either, glad we could clear the air.

It is funny how we think we are being clear in what we write...it's the written word, how could it be interpretted any way other than what we wrote, yet it happens all the time. Part of the problem is it's flat, there's little way for us to convey "tone." at least in the way we intend it to be.

 

[mom2many]

Now should we hold hands and sing cum by ya.....LOL

 

[mom2many]

I'd agree that each parent has to make these sorts of decisions about their own children, and that reasonable parents can parent differently and still be reasonable parents.

I love this! Well said!

 

[NancyM]

none, here either, glad we could clear the air.

It is funny how we think we are being clear in what we write...it's the written word, how could it be interpretted any way other than what we wrote, yet it happens all the time. Part of the problem is it's flat, there's little way for us to convey "tone." at least in the way we intend it to be.

Yes I agree with you IAD the 'tone' is differcult to interpret. I also find myself responding to more than one post at a time, so I may be writing under your post, but in my head responding to something someone else said....:yikes:ugh...this is suppose to be fun, shouldn't be so stressful....lol

 

[Dadu2004]

cum by ya.....LOL

:yikes:

 

[MomoJA]

It is funny how we think we are being clear in what we write...it's the written word, how could it be interpretted any way other than what we wrote, yet it happens all the time. Part of the problem is it's flat, there's little way for us to convey "tone." at least in the way we intend it to be.

This is totally off topic, but I'll never forget my first year abroad when I wrote a letter to my sister describing my housing and the difficulties of trying to buy a can opener. I was rolling on the floor laughing as I wrote it. A few weeks later, my sister sent me some money and kitchen implements including a can opener. I meant to be funny but I came across as pitiful.

 

[NancyM]

This is totally off topic, but I'll never forget my first year abroad when I wrote a letter to my sister describing my housing and the difficulties of trying to buy a can opener. I was rolling on the floor laughing as I wrote it. A few weeks later, my sister sent me some money and kitchen implements including a can opener. I meant to be funny but I came across as pitiful.

That's a really cute story. And you have a good sister too!! lol

 

[IADad]

:yikes:

be nice...

 

[IADad]

This is totally off topic, but I'll never forget my first year abroad when I wrote a letter to my sister describing my housing and the difficulties of trying to buy a can opener. I was rolling on the floor laughing as I wrote it. A few weeks later, my sister sent me some money and kitchen implements including a can opener. I meant to be funny but I came across as pitiful.

I bet you wish you would have lamented your abilities to buy a Mercedes...

 

[Dadu2004]

be nice...

Who? Me? :verycool:

 

[MomoJA]

I bet you wish you would have lamented your abilities to buy a Mercedes...

That, or a trip to a London, perhaps.