Calling all stay at home moms!...

[AnKsMommy]

My husband and I have recently made the decision that I will be separating from the military and for the next year till we go back to the states I will be a stay at home mom for my two girls. When this happens, my oldest will be three and my youngest will have just turned one.

I'm scared out of my mind!!! I have so much respect for the stay at home mom because I know it's the hardest job ever! I wasn't even sure if I wanted to do it. But between that and leaving my children for six month deployments...you can see my point.

I'm not sure what to do! My oldest loves daycare and loves to play with other kids. I've already told my husband that I plan on dropping her off there in hourly for a few times a week so I can go to the gym.

Anyone have a website on ideas on activities to have my kids do? Right now I have I just get paper and cut out some different pictures and she'll glue them on, we play in the dollhouse with her dolls, play kitchen, she reads, she does a lot of pretend like doctor. I just feel guilty whenever I have to clean, cook or do something and I'm leaving her to entertain herself.

I've recently broken her of the watching tv all the time habit, and I don't want to go back in to that. We still keep the tv on but we distract her with other things. Every once in a while she'll look up and sing along with a song...but doesn't watch tv for entertainment only.

So, basically I'll take any advice I can get on being a stay at home mom. I want to be prepared when November comes.

 

[musicmom]

Congrats on being a SAHM. I took mine everywhere. We hit museums, library activities, shopping, play dates, swimming, beach.
The tv is always on but it was only on Nickjr and they watched educational shows. My kids never sat around and watched tv I guess because it was just there. They still are not tv veggies (only Hannah Montana)
It was nice to crawl out of bed to those smiling cute faces and just lay in the middle of the floor and let them crawl all over you. As soon as they could sit up by themselves I had them on the computer playing games and learning.
I highly recommend reader rabbit toddler. They catch on very easy.
It's ok for a child to entertain themselves, that's just part of their development.
On a side note, be careful what you create as well. If you are non stop with them that's what they are going to get used to and it will be hard to catch a break when you need one. I can tell you this from experience.
You will love and charish being a stay at home mom. Tons of stuff to do.
Deployment would be aweful, I'm glad you're going to stay home. yea.

 

[AnKsMommy]

Everyone who knows me says I'm the type that would love it for a while then need something else to do. So thats why it's only going on for a few years at the most. Plus full time school too *online classes* hopefully.

I'm scared to take them both out in public lol. The park is fine, but anywhere else I'm scared that they are going to raise all kinds of problems. My oldest likes to run around and my baby isn't mobile yet.

I know that I should let he play by herself, and she does. But I feel guilty whenever I'm cleaning up the house and she just looks at me. Sometimes she will get her cleaning stuff and "help" me. Which I love. I just don't want her to feel ignored.

 

[musicmom]

When I went out I had my twin in the double stroller and I had my son on a wrist leash. I could care less what other people thought because I got to get out of the house and my baby had freedom and I didn't have to worry he would get out of my sight.
At three yrs old though she can sit in a stroller. A double umbrella stroller rocks. I got those at toys r us and they were very unexpensive and they laid back.
She's not going to feel ignored, it'll give her independance to explore. You will be just fine. You'll hate leaving them after all is said and done. lol

 

[AnKsMommy]

My parents had me on one of those wrist things when I was young. I saw pictures of me attached to my mom and I yelled at her. She said someday I would understand...I did whenever my dd turned 18 months lol. It's been go go go ever since.

I do plan on going to the park almost everyday. My youngest will hopefully be walking around that time so that'll be some good play time.

I like my space and "me" time so I hope my kids will learn to play by themselves sometimes.

 

[musicmom]

They will probably play well together. You are lucky they are both girls. If I ever have "me" time it's sporatic me time. If you can get them on the same nap schedule and eating schedule you'll find it way easier.

 

[AnKsMommy]

Sometimes they nap together sometimes they don't. Around the time my youngest starts solids I think it'll be easier to get them on the same schedule. They already play together. My oldest will love on her and kiss her and try to read her books. Sometimes I think that they talk to each other lol. My oldest will say something to her and she'll laugh. It's too cute!

 

[musicmom]

It'll be great.

 

[Kaytee]

I'm with music mom, you will love being home with them IF you do it right! Every mom I know that stayed home and really STAYED home, hated it! You need to get out!! Find a playgroup in your area. If there isn't one (check the libraries and a few on line places) then start one for yourself!!
If your oldest is 3, put her in 2 day a week pre-k. Then she would get the daycare time she loves so much, and you can spend a little time alone with the little one. Something the baby has always had to share with big sis!!!

 

[Shari Nielsen]

Get involved in a "mommy and me" class somewhere - the community center, a gymnastics place, the library, etc. and build relationships w/ other stay at home moms. The are in the same boat as you - wondering how to avoid cabin fever and maintain their sanity despite talking to toddlers all day long!
Plan activities/outings together - simple things such as meeting up at a playground or more complicated outings such as a trip to the zoo. This interaction with other children may replace your child's desire to go to daycare and allow you to observe her in a social setting (which I find very entertaining!).

 

[Elizabeth]

I don't know about doing it "right" and getting out. I stay at home with my three children and enjoy it much more if we don't get out and don't have any pressure to be any specific place. I don't play with them all the time. I do clean and cook. They don't expect me to play all the time and so they play, or hang around me helping or doing whatever.

I tried going places, getting together with others etc, and I hated it. Now it is so loving and relaxing. We just get up, I nurse the baby and the older two go play, then we eat, read stories, play music, nap... whatever, it is wonderful and they are so content and relaxed this way.

 

[Trina]

The beauty of being a SAHM is that you can go out and take part in play dates, etc. OR you can stay home. Whatever you feel like on any given day. Unless the kids have doctor appointments (or something similar) you don't HAVE to go anywhere if you don't feel up to it.

Like Kaytee mentioned, when my oldest was 3, he went to preschool 2 mornings a week. He loved it, and I enjoyed one-on-one time with my youngest.

I got down on the floor and played with them a lot. Although I did light housework while supervising them, I left the big jobs for when they were napping or after they went to bed.

 

[parentinzen]

Glad you get to be a SAHM! It is tough, but you will love it just the same. My number one tip is to find a MOMS Group in your area. I didn't think I would like it, until I tried it. I thought it would be a bunch of people that weren't anything like me, but it turns out there are so many different types of moms that seek them out! It just gave me somewhere to be, and also kids for my kids to play with. It was a fun way to have a gathering of people for my children, and also time for me to have friends too. Most Moms Groups let you attend once or twice to see if you fit in. You will know almost right away if it is a group for you.

The other thing I would say is that even when you feel guilty for cleaning you are helping your child learn. One, they are learning what it takes to keep a house in order. And two, they learn how to play on their own. It took my oldest FOREVER to want to play on her own, but she finally did. Another thing I did when I was cooking, cleaning or doing laundry is include them sometimes. It doesn't always make sense, but they do love it. My kids love to help "fold" clothes, or stir flour in a bowl while I am actually doing dinner. It could be anything they can stir, but I found flour worked well because they could play in it and feel they were really working on something for mommy. It is also never too early for them to be able to help "set the table." I'm sure you can find some other creative things to let them help with.

Good luck!

-Amy
http://www.parentingzen.com

 

[musicmom]

Playgroups were not up my alley but we did go to parks and play with other kids without the obligation.

 

[Ari2]

If everything goes right, I'll be home with our kids for several months, starting in mid-May. I can't wait, but I have no idea how to find a playgroup. Also, I wonder if I would be welcome in a play group as I will probably have to quit it in the fall. Any ideas, wise women? And Shar, how did the wrist leash work out? Did it take your kid a while to adjust? Can you buy them at Toys R Us or some place like that? I don't know if my toddler twins will want to stay in the double stroller for much longer and just picture them running in opposite directions...in front of a car...driven by a rabid pit bull...who just had a few beers. I think I'll need a plan.

Thanks.

 

[Trina]

If you're in the US you can look for playgroups in your area at these web sites:

http://www.matchingmoms.org/

Parents as Teachers - They offer free playgroups, home visits and developmental screenings. I took part in our local chapter with both my kids and made several mom friends that way.
http://www.parentsasteachers.org/site/pp.asp?c=ekIRLcMZJxE&b=272091[/URL]

http://www.mothersandmore.org/

Many public libraries and bookstores offer free weekly story hours. Recreation Departments also have programs and playgroups for little ones.

Some communities have a Newcomers' Club, which is a great way to meet new people. I have belonged to ours for several years and enjoy it. We have all kinds of activities, including playgroups, to offer.
http://www.newcomersclub.com/

 

[TammyZed]

Playgroups were not up my alley but we did go to parks and play with other kids without the obligation.

I was the same way. I liked the fact that if I didn't like the moms at the park, I wasn't expected to socialize with them.

With my daughter I ended up getting her involved from a young age in things like swimming and dance classes. My son tended to resent being forced into any kind of class, so he was a little harder to occupy. We lucked out in that the dance studio where we enrolled my daughter had a great art program for kids, and Morgan really thrived and loved going there.

 

[ivybendorf]

Trust me, as hard as people make it out to be, being a SAHM is totally worth it and not that difficult if you are organized. A schedule for the kids make everything so much easier, and if your girls are used to daycare then they are already used to one. Just take that, adapt it a little bit, and you are set.

And don't feel like you have to spend every waking moment entertaining them or you WILL lose your mind! When they are always there, eventually they will get sick of Mommy interference and will want to play by themselves. By November, your younger girl will be old enough to start playing with her sister rather than just around her, and they will entertain each other. Just make sure they have a zone all their own, where they can play and be safe with minimal supervision. We have a play room, and they share a bed room they can play in. They are on opposite sides of the house, which is a blessing! I can sit in front of the TV and listen to them in their room, or I can busy around the kitchen and listen in on them in the play room.

 

[Ari2]

Playgroups were not up my alley but we did go to parks and play with other kids without the obligation.

Yeah, I'm a little nervous about the playgroup idea, but I figure we need to find some kids their age to play with. I don't know many women with young kids in our neighborhood, but I heard some bad stories about some of the moms in our local preschool (competeive, clique-y, snobby). I hope that's not what I find

 

[Kaytee]

I was the same way. I found my playgroup, but attending a baby wearing meeting that was offered. It was 45 minutes from my house and I only planned to go the once. I wanted to learn how to put Nichole on my back in a wrap. Well I ended up really enjoying being there with one mom. It ended up being just the two of us sitting at Starbucks every week for about 6 months, then a new mom joined us then one more recently. It didn't start off as a playgroup. lol I don't even know why we still call it that, now we are at each others houses twice a week if not more. Tomorrow (not playgroup day) I am meeting one of them to take the kids to a pizza place then to make bubble bath at bath junkie. THen I am going to her house for the night. Her hubby will watch the girls while we have some girl time!! MMM smirnoff