Child strange behavior...

[Dadu2004]

I have a 4 year old daughter that is displaying a very strange behavior. She will take her hands or sometimes press herself against a table or other solid object, in a sort of masterbation behavior. She will press down just above her groin very hard and stiffen her entire body. It is so intense that she causes herself to sweat and sometimes even drool. This has been happening for a few months.

Her mother and I are divorced. I have been able to get the behavior under control in my household, and she knows it's unacceptable behavior. She will not do this in my house. She will constantly do it at her mom's house. Her mom has tried everything: being soft and kind, asking why she does it, distracting her, yelling, spanking, and I have gone over there and talked to our daughter to let her know that it's unacceptable at her mother's house as well. Nothing has worked.

We've had our daughter into the doctor for an external exam, and there's no sign of molestation. We've had her into a urologist for testing, and all comes back fine. The urologist says that it's normal behavior and not to worry about it, that she'll grow out of it...her general doctor isn't so sure.

As far a general behavior, she is much better behaved at my house than at her mother's. At her mom's she will be disrespectful and irritating. At my house, I see much less of bad behavior. There is an older brother at her mom's house as well, who is now 8.

We're at our wits end here on what to do about this strange behavior at her mother's home and need some advice.

 

[Kaytee]

first off your dd sounds normal. Masturbation in young children is normal.
My first suggestion is to stop punishing this child for it, especially hitting her. How would you feel if you were spanked everytime you masturbated? ok that sounds really bad lol

ANyways, it is normal behavior and there have been quite a few posts on here about it already.

I would strongly suggest telling this child that what she is doing is normal but should only be done in her ow bed or in the bathroom. Never in public, never around other family members and never in the living room ect... in her room is where she needs to go!

 

[Trina]

first off your dd sounds normal. Masturbation in young children is normal.
My first suggestion is to stop punishing this child for it, especially hitting her. How would you feel if you were spanked everytime you masturbated? ok that sounds really bad lol

ANyways, it is normal behavior and there have been quite a few posts on here about it already.

I would strongly suggest telling this child that what she is doing is normal but should only be done in her ow bed or in the bathroom. Never in public, never around other family members and never in the living room ect... in her room is where she needs to go!

To echo Kaytee, this is normal behavior. She should not be punished, but told this behavior needs to be done privately.

Masturbation: Why it happens and what to do about it - ParentCenter

 

[Dadu2004]

I'm not so sure that it's even "masterbation" per say. She's not physically touching her genitals, but above them. Also, when she has the opportunity to do it (i.e.: in the bath), she doesn't. She doesn't touch herself when she's naked, but when she's clothed.

There doesn't seem to be a pattern to it either. It doesn't happen when she's tired, angry, hungry, whatever...it just randomly happens. If she was doing it as masterbation, wouldn't she be doing it physically on the genitals, instead of above?

Thank you for all of your replies!

 

[Kaytee]

well I can tell you its masturbation. I used to do the same thing as a child. (not sure I ever did it in public but probably). The clothes actually help the feeling happen, as little girls are not developed like a woman.
Its kinda like the feeling you get when you climbed a rope in gym class. Come on we have all had the feeling!!

 

[HappyMomma]

first off your dd sounds normal. Masturbation in young children is normal.
My first suggestion is to stop punishing this child for it, especially hitting her. How would you feel if you were spanked everytime you masturbated? ok that sounds really bad lol

ANyways, it is normal behavior and there have been quite a few posts on here about it already.

I would strongly suggest telling this child that what she is doing is normal but should only be done in her ow bed or in the bathroom. Never in public, never around other family members and never in the living room ect... in her room is where she needs to go!

I completely agree with Kaytee.

 

[meow_173]

If you make this a tabboo situation then she will grow up thinking that it is. you need to tell her that this is something you do privately....

 

[fallon]

I agree with the others...it's best to just explain to her that while what she is feeling is totally normal it's a feeling that should only be experienced in private

 

[Cthru]

A friend on another board has something similar going on with her 3yr old daughter. Her ped told her it was normal, but I have to be honest.. if it were my kid doing it I'd be worried about it to. It may be 'normal' but honestly I don't hear of a large number of kids that do this around parenting boards.

 

[Trina]

Masturbation: Is this normal for preschoolers?

Six-Year-Old Masturbates in Public - FamilyEducation.com

 

[fallon]

my son grabs his penis the minute his diaper comes off...it's not sexual, it's just feels good. Children have no concept of "sexual" feelings

 

[Dadu2004]

I agree with you Cthru. I'm getting the fact that it's ok, and have her do it in the privacy of her own bedroom....however, if it's "normal behavior", why don't we hear more about it? I've never discussed this issue before with anyone, and have never met parents who had a kid who does this. And, of all of the people that her mother and I have talked to about it, they all find it strange...not normal.

 

[musicmom]

It sounds like she may have gas and touches her tummy because she doesn't know what it is.

 

[Trina]

I agree with you Cthru. I'm getting the fact that it's ok, and have her do it in the privacy of her own bedroom....however, if it's "normal behavior", why don't we hear more about it? I've never discussed this issue before with anyone, and have never met parents who had a kid who does this. And, of all of the people that her mother and I have talked to about it, they all find it strange...not normal.

I've been on parenting message boards for 11+ years, and this topic has come up again and again. I would also guess that some people are too embarrassed to talk about it or openly admit their kids did this because masturbation is often viewed as a taboo topic.

 

[HappyMomma]

I would also guess that some people are too embarrassed to talk about it or openly admit their kids did this because masturbation is often viewed as a taboo topic.

I agree.

(Trina, would you please be in charge of answering threads for me today? :cute: )

 

[Trina]

I agree.

(Trina, would you please be in charge of answering threads for me today? :cute: )

LOL!

 

[fallon]

I've been on parenting message boards for 11+ years, and this topic has come up again and again. I would also guess that some people are too embarrassed to talk about it or openly admit their kids did this because masturbation is often viewed as a taboo topic.

exactly what I would believe

 

[Cthru]

I sent you a pm sarushjr<U>

</U>http://www.parentingforums.org/1789-sarushjr/

 

[musicmom]

My children must be odd because I have never caught any of mine doing this. I don't remember doing it as a child.

 

[Dadu2004]

Thank you Cthru...i can't send PM's back yet because I'm a new user.