difficult spouse question...

[jcck2007]

Hi All:
first time coming back to this forums after a while , parenting is going good, think there is a more issue with us as the wife and the husband than actual parenting, but being parents have alot to do with the issue, so they do inter relate I am not sure if this place is for this kind of discussion,

we been married for about 7 years, one 4.5 yr son and one 5 months old girl just earlier this year, we were worried the second child is going to be tough while still taking care of the son but hated the feeling we would regrat not having a second child:skeptical:

my wife always refuse to work in the USA, not because she doesnt have good enough education or never worked before, i think it has something to do with her mother being worked hard all mom's life while dad always lost money play with stocks, her mom pass away the year our son was born,

my wife has been very controlling at home, alot times we disagreed when it comes to teach our son stuff, some times I would say something to my son and my wife would disagree with me in front of my son, thought after my firce objection she has stopped doing that

she watches our expenses carefully like all good wife does, since we have the kids and moved to a new state with higher living standard and rent, thats more of the case, I dont blame her, but some times I feel we got into all this pressure of watch our expenses because she is trying to cover up the her part of the contribution by not willing to work (or not able to work for her specific reason for this matter), true she contribute to this family alot, some times I would say more than herself can handle emotionally perhaps, it would probably have cost more if she has gone out to work (childcare and stuff some might not able to do when she is not home), so how is one deal with this kind of spouse

we are so conservative (not saying we should not ever, but ...)
we dont go out much, we never have someone babysit our children and go somewhere else, I am afraid to buy her things like regular couple might do life is just very boring, I am not saying parenting life should be careless and exciting all the time ... but again ...

thanks for your advise in advance

JJK

 

[musicmom]

Your first child will be in school soon and your two month old could go to a daycare. I think your wife should at least have a part time job as long as you are willing to do half the house work and half the work with the kids. Don't complain if she's too tired to make dinner or be intimate. Not sure how you are at home but usually a man does not take care of the kids or housework.
You've been married seven years. You are at a "comfortable" stage in your marriage. What are you expecting? It's not real exciting. In fact, marriage can be quite boring.
What are you doing to spice things up? You say you do not buy her things. Where is your respect? Buy her things. She may say she doesn't want it but it can't hurt.
Here's my belief.....men need sex to feel emotions, woman need emotions to feel sexual.
As far as her working. Sounds like a cop-out.
Maybe you should both go to parenting classes so you will both be on the same page. She should not be underminding you in front of your child (even if she is right)
Kids change people....you and your wife need to comunicate..that's my best advice. Good luck.

 

[Kaytee]

I agree with music mom. You both need to communicate to each other.
The only difference is, I am not sure her getting a job would help any. It might it might not. If she is not working simply because she just doesn't want to work then maybe it is time for her to get out of the house. But she may not be working because she feels it best for the children. I know I do for my own family. The thought of my child in daycare makes me nautious. Besides, the youngest being 2 months old, she would have to pump at work so finding a job that will allow her to take breaks every 2 to 3 hours for 15-20 minutes in order to keep suply up is hard (assuming she is nursing)
I am not saying she is right and you are wrong when it comes to controlling in the house, especially with her underminding you in front of the kids, that is wrong no matter who is doing it, but from a SAH parents persepectie, they do control the home life more. We are home with them 24-7 and we know the routine and how things work, so sometimes it can be stressful for us to deal with a husband that does not know the routine. again she is wrong for undermining you completely and 100%.

 

[AnthonysDad]

I am more of a sentimental and emotional male I guess, because if she is doing everything at home, she is doing her job, and should be rewarded as such. Make sure you thank her and praise her and surprise her with flowers or something occasionally. Also, if you want her to work, try a different approach. Something like talking to her about how you would really like it if you could help her more at home so she had more free time. In other words make it as if it is her idea to get a job, because you really want to do more things at home and she is in the way of you doing them as they are already done.

Also, as for MusicMom's comment. I am a man and I need emotion to feel sexual. Just for future reference that all men aren't the sterotypical sexaholics. :wink:

 

[musicmom]

Ok....Just a pulse? lol

 

[AnthonysDad]

I never said some aren't, probably most are. I am just saying we all aren't. They better have a lot more than a pulse for me.

 

[musicmom]

Good man Anthony's dad...good man!

 

[jcck2007]

sorry blacked out for a while just getting back, thanks for all your posts and I will read them over and get back with you