It's more than that.. But, I know what ur saying. I'm just frustrated.singledad said:To me, the question in your thread topic and the question in your post are two different questions.
Yes, I consider myself a good person.
Yes, there are things in my past that I am ashamed of. Its hard to say if I've forgiven myself, because that depends very much on your definition of forgiveness.
The important thing to note here, is that I answered the first question in the present tense. I wasn't always a good person, but I am now, and I intend to be one for the rest of my life.
I think I understand where you come from with these questions. You made some choices that you are ashamed of, and now you feel like you are a bad person. I was there. I did some things that could never be excused, regardless of the circumstances I did them under. I spent too many years alternately hating myself for it, and trying to run away from the truth. I damn near killed myself trying to run away, and the sad part is I didn't even care.
But get this - you are NOT a bad person. You screwed up, yes, but if you were a bad person, you wouldn't care. The very fact that you worry about being a bad person means you aren't, because it means you have a conscience. So get that poison out of your system. This is also why it is so important that you put all your energy into getting to know the real you, and figuring out who you want to become. You have to come up with a new definition of who you are, because as long as you allow your past mistakes to define you, you will be unable to move forward. Its a bit like trying to walk forward while looking over your shoulder .
You will probably always be ashamed of what you did. You may never forgive yourself 100%. But that doesn't mean that you can't change. All you really need to do, is to give yourself a clean slate, and the opportunity to proof to yourself that you are a good person. As with winning the trust and respect of another person, it won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight. But as long as you keep working at it, and keep believing, it is possible.
I know. Its never that simple. There is just no way I can condense a journey that took me years into a forum post, so I stick with the basics.superman said:It's more than that.. But, I know what ur saying. I'm just frustrated.
Actually, I found it quite liberating when I stopped trying to find excuses, or "rationalizing" my mistakes, and just said ok, I screwed up - let me try to first make amends, and then do better in future. For me, always trying to rationalize what I did kept me from learning from my mistakes and moving onMJCorr said:Unlike Shiroi Tora I'm not sure I've "fully rationalized" the bad actions but I try not to let them slow me down.
Good point. I don't believe in excuses but I catch myself occasionally dwelling on the mistake rather than as you suggest, learning from it and moving on.singledad said:Actually, I found it quite liberating when I stopped trying to find excuses, or "rationalizing" my mistakes
I'd like to think of myself the same way. So far, I can see that my family is still happy and contented most of the time despite the everyday struggles. So i guess i must have done my part to make it stay that way. I agree that there are times that we do wish that things would have been better if we changed a few things from our past. But I guess what's important is NOW, we just have to make the most out of what we can do at present.NancyM said:I do consider myself a good person.
And yes there are things in my past I would have done differently. I've never done really bad things, but I've done things that I probably shouldn't have.
I never went out of my way to hurt anyone, I don't think I intentionally caused harm to anyone, other than breaking up with boyfriends or ending girlfriend relationships, just the normal part of growing up.
But of course, if I could change the way I did a few things in my past, I would. I think most people feel that way.