do you sometimes wish you didnt have kids?...

[superman]

im sorry to say this....i donno if its normal or not. my life revolves around my kids. i have james and brandon throughut the week. we dont really hvae a visiting schedudle per say. just whenever i wanna see james and brandon i do and they sleep over. ok anywaaaay...lol. i just feel ike i messed up my life sometimes like ive missed out on a teenager phase...or maybe im just immature.. and i think of how i act...how theyll see it. i cant like just do some things that i want. when can i ever with kids?

you know what i mean?:veryconfused:

 

[Big_Sister]

My parents were teens when I was born... I remember them explaining me, that they didnt whanted me in the first plays, I wasnt pland, and sometimes they do think that it would have been easier to become parents when theyre older. but they still loved me and would never give me away

I needet much time to understand that... I was about 7 or 8 when they explaned it and was scared for years, that my parents could find out, live would be easier without me...
but I grew older and startet to understand what they meant, so I'd say it's difficult if you let them know such things to early

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

I know its hard superman, and you had your first son when you were very young. I look at it as this (myself included)-- I decided to have unprotected sex and got pregnant, and I had to face up to that decision. I was in my partying stage, having fun,fell head over heals with my ex boyfriend (who is now my husband) and we conceived a child. Although unplanned, I have to raise this child to the best of my ability and give her a fulfilling upbringing. Partying and "being a teenager" (for me I was 21) now has to take a backseat as I am a parent now.

What Im trying to say is, try and look at it in a positive light. People said to me, you made your bed now you have to lie in it. Which is so true! Just look at your two beautiful boys and say "is partying and "being a teenager" more important then these two beautiful creatures I helped create (planned or not). " I would hope you would say the boys are more important.

I hope you realize this Cuz I would give anything to have another, and it pains me when someone (sometimes) wishes they didnt have kids

 

[stjohnjulie]

I would be lying if I said it wouldn't be easier if I didn't have kids. Looking out for myself and doing what I want all of the time is a hell of a lot easier than caring for two kids and a husband. But now that I am a mom, I kind of couldn't really imagine what it would be like to not be one. I mean, now that I am a parent, everything just seems to be multiplied. I have never know fear or hurt like I have since becoming a mom. But I also have never known love or joy like I have since becoming a mom.

You were so very young when you became a dad. I have always had a lot of respect for you because you had to suck it up and be a dad when you were just a child. I think it's natural for you to feel this way at times. Especially when things get hard. It's a lot of responsibility. And the fact that you even admit that you feel this way means that you take being a dad pretty seriously, otherwise, you wouldn't care and would just do whatever you want when you want.

Have you ever thought about being on a regular visitation schedule with James? And Brandon? I really think that helps. Not only you, but also the boys. With my oldest, we have always had a set schedule. It will bend when we want to do something special or extra, but we have our set days with Luca. But sometimes dad calls on my days and asks what we are doing and invites Luca to play tennis or something.

Hang in there!

 

[MomoJA]

I think this crosses every parent's mind, at least fleetingingly. I was over 40, married, and making pretty good money when I got pregnant. I had wanted children, many children, all my life, but had come to terms, or thought I had, with the fact that I would never have them. On the day I realized I was pregnant, I can clearly remember standing in the elevator and thinking, Now I finally fully understand that you don't need a child to be happy, and what the hell was I thinking that I wanted one. After that it became my obsession to protect my pregnancy, and my life, since, has been my child, but there are moments when I think how much easier my life would be if I had never had my child. But the thing I tell my friend who cannot have children and doesn't really want any while her husband can't be happy without one is that you really can be happy without children, but once you have one, if anything happens to take him or her away, you can never be happy again. Once you have a child, any future happiness you might have is tied up with that child.

I think your life is in turmoil now with both sons living elsewhere. I think you are also probably depressed since your recent breakup. There is nothing wrong with your feelings. They are probably normal and you might not be normal if you didn't have them. Maybe you need a more fixed routine. All of you need to know what to expect, at least as much as is normal.

Hang in there.

 

[mom2many]

It's normal superman, any parent who says that they have never thought about how much easier life would be if they didn't have kids would be lying. That doesn't mean we don't love our kids and it doesn't mean we are going to go and dump them off somewhere, it just means we are human.

That doesn't mean we don't love our kids, or that we would trade them in (well Samantha might have been the exception for a period of time) how can we not stop and think that when we are up to our eyeballs in poop and all night feedings that we don't sit back and ask ourselves "what the hell have I gotten myself into?" and "What the hell was I thinking wanting kids?".

But when you are having those moments look at them and see all of the silliness they bring you, remember those little sly smiles they love to give as they are getting into something they know they aren't supposed to. It those things that keep us going, it's those little moments that we would miss out on if we didn't have kids.

I was married very young and started kids right after that, when I was your age I did wonder if I was missing out on being young twenty plus years later I can tell you I did not and do not.

 

[Xero]

Sure superman, I'm sure not only does every parent wonder if it would be easier if they didn't have kids, but the fact is that it WOULD be easier if we didn't have kids. You don't have to take care of or worry about anyone but yourself, you don't have that extreme sense of responsibility that comes with being a parent, and you're not doing all that extra work that kids require you to do.

I can't imagine what it would be like to become a parent as early as you did, but I was pregnant at 19 and it did drastically change my life. I have been through frustrations at times where I felt having a child was holding me back from living a normal life (that people at my age live) but I never dwelled over it too much. I know it took DH longer to deal with the changes and the differences in responsibility than it took me.

The important thing is to always make time for yourself, be just a little bit selfish once in a while and for me that means find a sitter every so often and have a date night with DH, go to the bar or whatever, see a movie etc. Or I will once in a while leave DS home with DH and go out with friends. You could make sure you have certain days to yourself each week, making sure Brandon and James are both with their moms on that day, and focus on yourself during that time. Its okay to do, and its healthy. It will really help.

Also, focus on all the wonderful things kids bring into your life. I know you love them to pieces, my son makes my life complete IMO and I'm sure your boys do the same for you too. What would you do without them? I know you'd be heartbroken if they were out of your life for any reason, like MomoJA said once they are in your life they determine your happiness. They are a PART of you. They make you laugh, smile, feel proud, feel love and loved, and they give meaning to your life that nothing else can. That is more important than everything. There will be time to do the things you want to do in life, just maybe a little more spread out and in smaller amounts than people without kids.

Now, what the hell is going on in your avatar pic LOL?

 

[NancyM]

Yeah Superman, it's normal to feel like that sometimes. Do you have anyone to help you when you have the kids? It's really tough taking care of an infant by yourself, and than your have James too.

I agree with everyone else that we all have those moments. I was a lot older when I had Max, (33)he was kind of a miracle baby, but it was still isolating at times. I remember feeling very much alone, and very much afraid that I may do the wrong thing and something terrible might happen to the baby....my husband was even less experienced than me.

But I did have good sisters who came to my rescue, do you have anyone you can call to help you out sometimes? Making a regular visit schedule might be a good idea for you.

When you do have the kids try to have a plan of things to do, and sick to it if possible, I know that worked for me. Like, first we eat lunch, than we go outside for an hour,(I'd run James to the ground so he poops out when you get home, than we come in and James can watch tv/do art/or something on his own while the baby sleeps,and You can get some quiet time too. That's how you have to get it, in between everything.

You know, something like that. Do you keep the baby overnight?
It could be rough when the baby is small some people think the infant is easier because they sleep so much, but for me it was scary. You just have to remember it does get easier, he will grow and walk and talk soon enough.

Your doing good Super..just hang in there, try to enjoy it and try not to stress to much. Get as much sleep as possible. and when you feel down jump on this board, someone will help you through.

 

[skmom]

I wanted and baby and planned and tried and then found out we're having twins (any day now) and I'm already scared to death. I'm like, wait this is going to change everything. My husband and I hike and surf and ski. Our lives are going to completely change. My mom told me it's natural to feel like you mad a mistake (thanks mom, lol). I guess you just have to fake it til you make it.

 

[lifebythelesson]

Superman,

Would things be easier without kids? Anything that takes time and energy and produces frustrating moments and fills life with concern and worry, by definition, makes life more difficult.

Having a professional basketball career in some ways would make life more difficult too. Game schedules, practices, meetings, conditioning, watching how you act and what you say in public settings, and so on. The real question to ask is whether it os worth the pain and difficulty parenthood sometimes brings with it. The point I'm trying to make with the basketball thing is just to say even those life styles that seem so amazing often come with negatives too.

Parenthood has made me a better man ... <I>because</I> of my kids?

Almost every decision we make of significance will have negative parts to it. Fame brings status and wealth ... and poparazzi and loss of privacy and public mockery and stockers and haters. Becoming the head of a Fortune 500 corporation can bring prestige and power and an amzing life style ... at the cost of children you never quite get to know very well because you were never home much while they were awake.

The question is really whether you can look into the future and see the daily dad stuff you do now as an investment in an amazing future with sons who love and respect you, who come visit with their families on Christmas and celebrate your birthday.

My brother married a girl who can't have children. They will never have little ones to look into their eyes and touch their cheeks and experience a depth and kind of love that can't be experienced with a dog or pet goldfish ... or a fancy car in a fancy house in some exotic location. Sure, such a lifestyle seems exciting and sexy. But in the end, it lacks depth and significance when compared to a life rich with the meaning and purpose family brings.

Just keep this thought tucked away in the back of your mind: Because you have children, because you take the role of dad seriously, because you recognize the importance of acting in ways that are consistent with the role of father, you will grow in ways others can't. You will become a better person.

But just like lifting weights. There will be days that you can hardly get out of bed because you are so sore. Parenthood is tough too. But without the difficulty, we couldn't even begin to reach the potential we were meant to reach. Sure, our role is to raise our kids with love and patience and be examples and role models for them. But they make us better too. We get something huge out of the parenting deal ourselves.

And in the end, we can recognize the difficulty in parenting without regretting being a parent. I can feel the pain of a good workout without regretting having worked out.

So stay in there, keep working at it, remember that your children are here by choice -- your choice. They didn't inflict themselves on you, so never blame them. And NEVER tell them they were mistakes or were unwanted. There is no reason but selfish motives to EVER inflict that kind of pain on them. Honesty used as a knife in the gut of two innocent children is hardly a virtue. They are gifts to be cherished. Focus on such thoughts and let yourself recognize the difficulty, then choose to focus on the miracle of everyday life, loving two of God's gifts to you.

 

[IADad]

yea, two different questions. No doubt life would have been easier, and yes, I've thought for moments about all the things we could do without kids and those thoughts are virtually instantly replaced with all the wonderful things about being priviledged enough to have kids. I wondered what my legacy would be before I had kids and quietly resigned myself to the notion that my life would probably come and go largely unnoticed by the planet at large. Then kids came along and I know my legacy is raising them right, seeing them flourish to go out and make their marks and hopefully some day have the priviledge of raising kids of their own.

It's also the thing that brings me in off that ledge of dispair whne I'm troubled and makes me feel wealthy when times are lean.

As for doing what I want, those are dreams for retirement and grandparenthood. What a wonderful right I will have earned if I get to that point.

 

[freethekids]

So hard. So scary. So tiring. So worth it.

 

[superman]

yeah,y ou guys are all right. sometimes i juts get into "those moooeds " you know?

 

[superman]

and xero hes a white african space christ....lol its russell brand from get him to the greek lmfao

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

ZOMG! Get him to the Greek is HILARIOUS! That dude is so funny!!!!

 

[superman]

hahahah i know eh hes epic

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

PF needs a like button like facebook! hahaha

 

[superman]

lol such a good idea.

 

[Xero]

LOL that is AWESOME!! lmao wtf!! haha

 

[lovemykids]

Yes, I do wish I hadn't had kids sometimes. I have 3 kids.....first one is now married with a career and all is going well. Only problems with her was typical teenage drama. The youngest is an awesome kid and in college. It's the middle one who seems to color everything. Drug use, theft, etc .....things "seem" a little better at the moment, but always afraid the other shoe will drop. Has turned our family upside down. I shouldn't let one of 3 ruin my outlook on having children, but it's really hard.