Every time I look through my son's bookbag, I become depressed.
Bear is 10, a 5th grade student, and he's a bright kid (or at least appears to be!). Academically, he can always pass the proficiency tests without too much trouble. His problem is organization and motivation.
I realize he is 10. Few (if any!) 10 year olds are intrinsically motivated. When I was his age, I was horribly disorganized and my grades suffered because of it. I see myself in him, and I agonize over it. Today, when I went through his bag, I found dozens of papers, all randomly ordered. Some were graded, some were works in progress, some were "I don't know what to do with that." Worse, there was a math log that was due today (sub today, so not due until Monday now) that he was supposed to be completing every night. He hasn't completed one line. Not one.
I partly blame myself. I'm a working mom -- a school administrator, actually -- so I don't always go through his bag. But I know that I went through it last week and this paper wasn't in there. Still, I should be aware of these things. At the same time, I blame him. He hides work and engages in lots of avoidance behaviors to get out of work. He said, "I already know those stupid math facts. I shouldn't need a math log!" He doesn't really grasp why it's necessary. And I'm having a hard time getting his buy-in.
I'm sorely tempted to help him catch up, but at the same time, I want him to see the consequence of this action. I don't know *what* to do. Either way, I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. If he fails, the teachers give Jake and me the evil eye as if we're a bad parent and rotten student. If he gets full credit for this assignment, it will be because I did it. Not him. Which isn't really good, either.
Then I begin to wonder how much of this is about ME rather than him, and whether I'm over thinking the situation. I'm conflicted--I want him to succeed, but on his terms and with his own steam. But how much steam does/should a 5th grader have? I was a high achiever in high school and college, but I was a total mess in middle school. I don't really remember what I did or what my parents did to get me turned around. They really don't remember, either. Do I wait for Bear to get himself motivated? Or do I keep pushing until it's turned into a big argument?
I'm sorry for writing a novel, but if you've followed me this far, thanks for listening. Right now, I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope. My husband is a great father and partner, and he does a lot. He's just not the academic support in the home. He does a TON (laundry, meals, baths, playtime) to make up for when my work comes home with me. I just don't know what to do and right now I'm worried for my boy. Thanks, again, for just listening. I'd appreciate any ideas, though!
Bear is 10, a 5th grade student, and he's a bright kid (or at least appears to be!). Academically, he can always pass the proficiency tests without too much trouble. His problem is organization and motivation.
I realize he is 10. Few (if any!) 10 year olds are intrinsically motivated. When I was his age, I was horribly disorganized and my grades suffered because of it. I see myself in him, and I agonize over it. Today, when I went through his bag, I found dozens of papers, all randomly ordered. Some were graded, some were works in progress, some were "I don't know what to do with that." Worse, there was a math log that was due today (sub today, so not due until Monday now) that he was supposed to be completing every night. He hasn't completed one line. Not one.
I partly blame myself. I'm a working mom -- a school administrator, actually -- so I don't always go through his bag. But I know that I went through it last week and this paper wasn't in there. Still, I should be aware of these things. At the same time, I blame him. He hides work and engages in lots of avoidance behaviors to get out of work. He said, "I already know those stupid math facts. I shouldn't need a math log!" He doesn't really grasp why it's necessary. And I'm having a hard time getting his buy-in.
I'm sorely tempted to help him catch up, but at the same time, I want him to see the consequence of this action. I don't know *what* to do. Either way, I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. If he fails, the teachers give Jake and me the evil eye as if we're a bad parent and rotten student. If he gets full credit for this assignment, it will be because I did it. Not him. Which isn't really good, either.
Then I begin to wonder how much of this is about ME rather than him, and whether I'm over thinking the situation. I'm conflicted--I want him to succeed, but on his terms and with his own steam. But how much steam does/should a 5th grader have? I was a high achiever in high school and college, but I was a total mess in middle school. I don't really remember what I did or what my parents did to get me turned around. They really don't remember, either. Do I wait for Bear to get himself motivated? Or do I keep pushing until it's turned into a big argument?
I'm sorry for writing a novel, but if you've followed me this far, thanks for listening. Right now, I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope. My husband is a great father and partner, and he does a lot. He's just not the academic support in the home. He does a TON (laundry, meals, baths, playtime) to make up for when my work comes home with me. I just don't know what to do and right now I'm worried for my boy. Thanks, again, for just listening. I'd appreciate any ideas, though!