Girls have decided they no longer speak english...

[Hazel Carolina]

my 14 year old daughters (aren't twins fun) have decided that they no longer speak english (there father is french) and they will now only be speaking french. in school, at home everywhere. so far it has lasted 3 days but i have had complaints from teachers that they won't answer in english

 

[TabascoNatalie]

do they know french fluently? if not, maybe its their chanceto learn it better.

 

[Jeremy+3]

My children do this a lot only with Welsh, but because it's a British language their teachers can't complain, it is very rude for them to do it though, but so far they have all been through a stage where they think the fun of confusing people is worth it.

 

[IADad]

well, you could remind their teachers that class participation is no doubt part of their grades, and if they don't participate in a manner acceptable to their classroon, they get a zero for the day....how cute would that be?

Do you acknowledge them when they speak french? You could just tell them you won't, so when they need something, they have a choice to make.

 

[sbattisti]

This too shall pass.

 

[rick&beckykraem]

How strange. Becky and her twin sister had many adventures, but never tried this one (although Rick swears they share both a telepathing link and a secret language comprised of looks, glances, and guestures).

Here's how we suggest dealing with toddlers who point and gesture instead of using words: don't give the child anything or do anything for them unless they answer with (English) words. Perhaps it will work at this age as well. Do your best to form every interaction with them (feeding them, transporting them, doing their laundry) into a question. You might also hide some of their favorite possessions until they ask for them.

If you can get this under control at home, it may go away at school and in other settings as well.

Becky and Rick Kraemer

 

[Hazel Carolina]

yes, they both speak fluent french (i can speak and understand french but not as fluently as them)

it is hard because their teachers keep telling me to talk to them and i try but when a teenager gets something into their head it is very hard to change their minds..

i might try the hiding possessions till they ask for them in english though.

it has been nearly a week and i have not heard one word in english yet. if i speak to them in english they say "Désolé, je ne parle pas l'anglais. parle vous français?" (sorry, i don't speak english. do you speak French") which is annoying because english was their first language for 14 years

 

[rick&beckykraem]

At this age, each of our kids found their own unique way to both rebel and show disrespect for us as parents through rude behavior. We're thinking that this is just a creative way to be rude and disrespectful to your family and society in general.

When our kids hit this age, we made a family rule that children couldn't be rude to adults or other children (we assume that your girls aren't speaking in English to their siblings). Then we began disciplining them for each infraction. At first, they argued over what was rude behavior, but we were unyielding.

It was important to really understand what unique discipline was effective for each child. We broke our introvert of rude behavior by finally threatening to remove the door from his bedroom. For one socialite, it was removal of cell phone priviledges. For another we had to shut down the game console and pack it into a closet for a few weeks.

So, we'd recommend making a temporary house rule that English was the local language for teenagers, and discipline any infractions as rude behavior. You may have to push them to the point where they are sleeping on the floor in an empty bedroom. Becky has taught this age for many years, and can assure you it is critical that you as the parent win the battle over disrespect. Hang tough; we're pulling for you.

Becky and Rick Kraemer

 

[Hazel Carolina]

i wish i could do that but my Ex husband (their father) is french and he speaks to all of them mostly in French. my oldest three are his and live with him throughout the school week because he lives in a better school district than i do and they are with me on the weekends because i live in a nicer neighbourhood with more people their age.

but i can't really punish them for speaking french as it is part of their heritage and their father would not approve of me prohibiting them from it. i did think about it but it isn't worth the fall out with the Ex.

 

[singledad]

Well, obviously this is a form of rebellion, which is quite normal for a 14-year-old, I believe. So here's my suggestion:
1 - a dose of their own medicine: If they talk to you in french, simply say "sorry, I don't speak French, do you speak English?" and leave it there.
2 - If I understand correctly, this will have a negative influence on their school marks, right? So, I would say let them be. Let them loose the marks, and then you can give them a hard time about doing badly in school. (I assume that at 14 they are a few years away from needing good marks for college entrance etc, so it won't cause permanent damage to their records.)

 

[stjohnjulie]

singledad, I like #1. Two (three) can play at that game.

I guess it wouldn't be that big of a deal if it weren't for school. I mean, yes, kids will rebel, but their 'job' is school and if the school is requiring them to speak English then they need to speak English.

 

[Hazel Carolina]

thats my issue too. (on a side note, they are acing french class LOL)

if it weren't for school i wouldn't care i would just not speak to them until they spoke to me in english but their grades are suffering.

its true that 9th grade is neither here nor there as far as the importance of good grades goes. bad grades set bad habits though so i want them to care now before it is too important and too late

 

[16th ave.]

by all means if they want to speak another language let them with people like their dad who speak that language. it will help in the long run.
but!
there's a time and a place for everything so i agree with single dad. if the chosen language at school is english and they can speak it but refuse then by all means let them suffer the consequences of a few bad grades and detentions and what have you that the school gives them.
and like single dad said give them a taste of their own medicine with the "i don't speak french" thing. the kids will eventually get tired of it and get back to normal once they see you aren't about to give in to their negative behavior.

 

[Hazel Carolina]

they were speaking english with Ethan today. they went back to
French when i entered the room but if they are speaking english a little bit it mean's I'm winning at last..

 

[rick&beckykraem]

That's some progress! It sounds like you've got a sensitive situation with their father; what is his reaction to all of this?

We're big proponents of natural consequences. We'd like to suggest that you contact all of their teachers, as well as their administrators, and recruit their help. Ask the teachers to give them liberal detentions for being disrespectful. A few hours spent after school should take the fun out of their rebellion.

We don't see enforcing a "no French" rule as damaging to their culture, just addressing rude, disrespectful and rebellious behavior. It's your house; you get to set the rules. Let them speak French with with their father on weekdays, and be respectful to your wishes on the weekends. Don't be a pushover - nip this in the bud before your girls turn into wild, uncontrollable brats.

Becky and Rick Kraemer

 

[Xero]

Don't be a pushover - nip this in the bud before your girls turn into wild, uncontrollable brats.

lol, that's quite an assumption... :err:

 

[singledad]

We don't see enforcing a "no French" rule as damaging to their culture, just addressing rude, disrespectful and rebellious behavior.

I don't think setting a strict "no French" rule is necessary, though. Its not the act of speaking French that is the problem here - its that act of refusing to speak English when that is more appropriate than French. I say, let them speak French to each other all they want, but refuse to respond when they speak French to you. They are being rude in forcing you to converse with them in French while they are more comfortable in English than you are in French. Its just common courtesy, really.

 

[Hazel Carolina]

yes i have stopped replying to them in french if something is important enough for hem to tell me it has to be in English or i just pretend i couldn't understand it

 

[rick&beckykraem]

yes i have stopped replying to them in french if something is important enough for hem to tell me it has to be in English or i just pretend i couldn't understand it

Good for you!

We're wondering how long you've been divorced from your husband. If the divorce is still fresh (say, 3 years or less), then their rebellion could be a reaction to the divorce. It's not unusually for kids this age to have a delayed reaction, and act out in ways they never have before...

Becky and Rick Kraemer

 

[Hazel Carolina]

no. we have been divorced for 11 years so the girls were only 3 at the time so i doubt it is that. LOL