How do I help this family out...

[obie]

I have a friend who is a lady in her 40's. She has 2 children. However, I do not agree with how she is parenting her children. When her kids come home from school, she is usually out shopping. The children have to wait out side in all kinds of bad weather until she gets home from her shopping excursions. This leaves them little time for homework. She always complains how they do nothing around the house, yet doesnt assign them any chores. She does not care about her kids grades. She only brings up bad grades if they get into an argument and her daughter accuses her of being a bad mother, then the mother retaliates by saying "well look at how bad your grades are. All your teachers complain about you". When it is only one or 2 teachers who have made complaints about the daughters listening skills.

Instead of preparing dinner on time, the mother watches cartoons with her son throughout the day. When the daughter says that she cant concentrate on her homework the mother gets mad at the DAUGHTER. These children dont have a parent who enforces quiet time after school so the kids can get their homework done. The mother cant wait to have the daughter get done with her homework for some reason. Their is nobody in their lives who monitors if they do their homework or not. She does monitor her younger elementary aged sons homework progress but not her daughter's who is in high school and will be going to college in a couple of years. SHe cares about her daughters looks and hygeine a lot however. Telling the daughter exactly what to wear and what not to wear.

This woman does not make dinner on time. Thinks there is nothing wrong with this. She also tells her daughter to sleep in and miss her first 2 classes almost every other day b/c children "need their sleep".

What do I do to get this woman to understand?

 

[musicmom]

You can't. Some people are just not good parents. Unless you want to volunteer your services for free and mentor these children there really isn't anything you can do.
How old are her children?

 

[obie]

Should Child Protective Services be contacted?

Her kids are 9 (son) and 16 (daughter)

 

[Kaytee]

I agree that there really isn't much you can do. You feel that the kids are being neglected in any way. (being forced to stay outside in bad weather when mom is gone may be) then yes contact CPS. The worse that can happen is they are contacted and the mom investigated and found to be fine.

 

[Left Foot]

agreed. The part about the kids waiting outside in inclement weather is a possible reason to intervene. Who's to say what a proper dinner time is though?

 

[Kaytee]

exactly. We eat dinner at like 4:30 5, but I know some families that don't till 8.

 

[musicmom]

Do you know for sure all of this? I mean is she telling you this? Maybe the child was being punished for losing the house key and she was teaching him that he would be standing outside until she got home.?? They are old enough to stand outside. It's not like they were roaming the streets. I was pretty self sufficient at 9

 

[Kaytee]

a 9 year old should not have to stand outside in the rain or cold for any reason. Yes I was neglected as a child as well, but it did not make me a better person at all.

 

[musicmom]

You don't know if they have a porch or waiting for five minutes. I wouldn't make my kids do this.
My neighbor has a handicapped little girl and sometimes they can not get back to get her off the bus so she calls me and I walk over and get her off the bus and watch her until they get back. It's usually a few minutes if that. Things happen.

 

[Kaytee]

sure, if its a 5 minute thing. But the way this person is talking these kids are out there for an extended period of time.

 

[musicmom]

I don't see the extended part.

 

[Kaytee]

The children have to wait out side in all kinds of bad weather until she gets home from her shopping excursions. This leaves them little time for homework.

they are out long enough that they have no time left

 

[meow_173]

I'm not sure if CAS should be involved, however, maybe a parent intervention. If you are not the only one who see's this behaviour, then parents should ban together in a respectful manor to tell her she needs to change her ways

 

[mis1022]

If there 9 and 16 she should give them a key to the house. That is the only real neglect I think the state would see if you were to call child protective services.

 

[jenilouise]

I was a latch key kid- key word being key- I had one. There is no reason for them to be out in that weather. If they are out in bad weather I would say something to someone or invite them in.

 

[twistertiger]

you guys/gals there are other thing to argue about then the time the kids spend waiting. they said the mother would watch cartoons all day too. and how she would get mad if the daughter said anything like "i cant concentrate with the noise."

 

[unmanaged]

Honestly there is not much you can do .

 

[twistertiger]

theres a lot of thing they could do like help them out.

 

[unmanaged]

theres a lot of thing they could do like help them out.

Can you give us some examples?

 

[twistertiger]

let the children in your house until the parent comes maybe?