How to deal with a MIL who just won't quit smoking (at least while visiting)??...

[bssage]

Ok here is the dealio.

Its my bad letting the thread devolve into this debate.. I got it: Its my fault and mine alone. Sorry. I know how the evolution occurred. With me trying to justify my opinion.

If I let it keep going like this then I am just following up one mistake with another. I looked at pulling the addiction stuff out and putting it into a more appropriate thread. But its just too intermingled with more OP pertinent threads.

I have no problem responding. I just dont want to follow bad forum etiquette with more bad forum etiquette.

I am going to try and leave the thread as it is. And copy the last couple of posts to a new location.

 

[cybele]

Man this thread really makes me want a cigarette. Everytime I read it I start sucking on a pen.

 

[Dadoftwoboys]

It is my sincere thought that you may need to give some thought to what you are asking the MIL to do. I do not mean to sound harsh, but do you realize the kind of undertaking it can be for a lifelong smoker to give it up for a week? I understand your concern for your baby, But I think that your MIL's offer of compromise was pretty fair. She is willing to change her shirt and not smoke around the baby or in your house. I have two boys and have been trying to quit smoking for six years, I don't smoke in the house or around them because of my concern for their health. So far, that has been enough to keep them healthy. They are concerned about my mortality though, and that is enough for me to keep trying to quit smoking. I am down to one pack a day instead of two.

 

[cybele]

Seeing as this has been bumped back up again, how did it go VeggieMomma?

 

[Xero]

Yeah I was wondering the same thing Cybele. How was the visit? Also how is your little baby doing?

 

[VeggieMomma]

I just wanted to let everyone know... She did EVERYTHING we asked while she was here. I KNEW SHE COULD DO IT! She only had ONE real cig a day for the entire week!!! They abided by all of our rules and that made me extremely happy. (Although I still had to deal with them not liking our parenting style and whatnot & they made more of a mess in my house than anything else.. Along with torturing my dog... -_- Yeah...) Although, the week was not wonderful and I was glad to see them go, she did abide by all of our cigarette smoking rules and it wasn't a problem at all. I think my husband really scared her by saying she wouldn't be welcome in our home if she didn't try & she was very happy about only having one real cig a day that whole week. So, I think all in all when it comes to the cigarettes it was a good visit. They just weren't very helpful. It took me two days to clean my house (just getting it back to normal) after they left... D:

Our baby is doing wonderful!! She is going to be 5 weeks on Wednesday (ALREADY!! D: ) She had her one month checkup and is weighting in at 9.9lbs (born at 8 lbs 5 oz) so yay! Breastfeeding is going great, Im doing great, everything has been pretty easy for us thankfully . I've also lost 35lbs since giving birth which is a plus!! HAHA!

 

[Xero]

WOW good job on the weight loss go momma! I lost like 40lbs in like 2-3 months after having ODS it was freaking awesome lol. Just melted right off no work necessary (although I do suspect the BFing helped haha). Had a little more trouble losing the weight after YDS, but I'm getting there.

That is great that she did such a good job, just awesome. So glad that wasn't too stressful for any of you. A baby can really bring the best out in everyone, you know? Such precious, innocent life and we all care so much about them haha.

Sucks about the mess making and them disliking your parenting, that much I can at least say is probably normal lol. Every time my mom comes for a visit I have so much cleaning to do when she leaves she is such a slob drives me crazy. And grandparents will always think they know better than you. Sounds like you're doing fine to me. Enjoy that baby, it sure goes fast.

 

[VeggieMomma]

Thank you!! Im starting Weight Watchers now and hopefully will get the OK from my midwife to start yoga again & kickboxing! haha Im hoping to lose quite a bit of weight... I started losing weight before I got pregnant (about 30lbs) and I only gained 10lbs during my whole pregnancy so now Im smaller than I was before I got pregnant, haha!

Yes I am so glad it went as well as it did. It makes me feel like she actually gives a crap which before I really didn't.

Yeah.. We are doing a modified version of attachment parenting.. I wear her a lot, we don't let her CIO, we co-sleep, breastfeed, etc. They do not believe in any of that. They believe you should put the baby down because you're spoiling her, let her cry and fall asleep because if not you're spoiling her, breastfeeding is "gross", raising her vegetarian is "silly stupid" etc... D:

YES! Cleaning up after them was the worst. I thought they'd help me out, maybe take the christmas tree down for me, etc... Nope. They left me BOTH sides of the sink full of dirty dishes, garbage all over my kitchen table, christmas tree still up, and soda cans/bottles EVERYWHERE. It was awful... Like I said, I was glad to see them go! LOL. It was nice to get my living room back too since my husbands parents refuse to sleep together... His mom was on my couch all week long and his dad in the guest room >_> Awkward....

Thank you! We are very much enjoying it I told my husband in another year or so I'll totally want another baby! LOL

 

[Xero]

LOL sounds like we do all the same stuff other than the vegetarian thing. We like our meats haha. I get the same kind of comments from other people about spoiling and that it's weird I still BF my 19 month old (only for naps and bed anymore), but I am way past letting it bother me anymore. The funny thing to me is that I could say so much about their parenting that I disagree with and that research has proven harmful, but I never do. I always keep my mouth shut and let people raise their own kids the way they wish. Imagine that! haha

 

[VeggieMomma]

Yep... I plan to breastfeed until she is 2 (for now, I could go longer if she wants to, but I'd like to have another baby sometime around then so we will see, haha.) I also try to keep my thoughts to myself... People can raise their kids the way they want but it does bother me that they are so nit picky. Right now I have my own grandmother irritating me about my daughter wearing mittens (she always tries to scratch her face and eyes and being a first time mom it's REALLY hard for me to file her nails/cut them...) She thinks Im "torturing her"

OY! It will never end will it though? haha

 

[Xero]

lol! I know lots of people that use the mittens. It's funny some people are so for them, others are so against. I don't particularly have a preference, but I did use them for the first week or two on ODS, but then it occured to me that he preferred having his hands out to be stimulated by touching things, and touching me etc and I kept losing the little buggers lol so I started cutting his nails so I could get rid of them. Not too bad once you get the hang of it! By the time YDS was born I was a pro so didn't bother with the mittens. xD You know what my sister does? She chews them off. Says its super easy and she never worried about cutting them, lots of times she'd wait till they were asleep so they didn't pull away either. Never tried it myself but she swears by it.

 

[VeggieMomma]

Yeah, I usually leave them on her while she's away from me, in her swing, playpen, etc and when she's with me, breastfeeding, etc I'll let her hands free that way I can atleast keep her from going at her face/eyes! LOL

OMG! I heard a lot of people swear by that! I haven't tried it yet though, mostly because I thought it was kind of strange and a bit awkward to explain to my husband, LOL.

 

[cybele]

I cracked up laughing at chewing off fingernails, wouldn't that shred the cuticles? (I'm going on the fact that I am a terrible nail biter, and all around my fingernails the skin is torn from the pulling, it's so painful)

We used to multi-task, Ash would use the baby clippers while they were breastfeeding, they were too distracted by food to care what was going on with their fingers and toes.

 

[VeggieMomma]

Lol xD

Im not a nail biter so Im not sure... Either way I think the mittens will stay on a bit longer until Im comfortable enough to cut them. I have filed them a couple times but they still feel so sharp D:

With cutting them, Im sure I could do it while she's asleep but the skin is so close to the nail that I am terrified of cutting her... Maybe if I let them grow out a bit and then try it won't be so scary?

 

[Xero]

I have no idea Cybele! Lol like I said I was always pretty good with the clippers. I agree though it can be scary! Actually I brought nail clippers with me to the hospital when I had YDS and clipped them before we even left LOL. Cybele when I think about it though why would biting the nails off rather than clipping them shred the cuticles? Isn't the cuticle at the top of the nail bed so not really near that area? My mom says she did the same thing with all her babies too lol. I am too much of a perfectionist and I have to have that perfectly neat job that the clippers do, so the biting thing wouldn't have worked for me hahahaha.

 

[bssage]

Nail cutting huh?

Chloe screams bloody murder if she is not in the mood. We have found placing her hand on a flat surface like a counter or table top. Then applying a little pressure to the back of her hand. Keeps her from having the ability to pull away. We also do the multi task thing like Cyble. Its just easier if she is distracted.

Good to hear the visit went well. Grandparents and Grandparents in-laws will always have plenty of advice. good and bad. In most cases it is just best to nod your head "yep,,yep" and move on.

One thing that often is missed in parenting. Is that the strategies or systems that fit with your natural way of doing things. regardless of whether its the best system or not. Tend to have more success. Its just easier to be more consistent and routine if your not trying to reinvent yourself each time. And really IMHO consistent and routine strategies will have better results.

And Xero probably has an advantage with the nail clipping. Since she worked at a pet store. She probably just snags a paw and snippty snippty snip. done.

Xero that picture is a keeper. Nice.

 

[akmom]

You know what my sister does? She chews them off.

Ah, my mother-in-law did this! I always thought it was really odd, never tried it. I can't imagine the precision being very great. No matter how careful I was, I couldn't clip my newborns' nails without some bleeding. They're attached to the skin in a funny way. I just kept mittens on them until the nails were better differentiated from the base, or however you'd describe it.

 

[Xero]

And Xero probably has an advantage with the nail clipping. Since she worked at a pet store. She probably just snags a paw and snippty snippty snip. done.

Xero that picture is a keeper. Nice.

Thank you bssage. I took it with my phone! Lol

And lol you know what, you are not too far from the truth there actually. I have trimmed many a paw in my day as well, my MIL has always had me do her cats nails so they don't shred her furniture. You just have to be firm, quick, and cut the nail only. I have like this kitty/puppy wrestling maneuver I put them in to hold them still and just hope they're not biters lol. Similar with kids I suppose hahaaaaa. xD

I haven't had much trouble with making my little ones bleed, maybe 3 times ever with ODS and it was usually because he struggled to get away and messed me up. Haven't made YDS bleed yet, hope I don't jinx myself.

 

[VeggieMomma]

I was able to cut her nails today! I did make her bleed a tiny tiny bit on one finger though She didn't cry but I felt bad... At least for now she can go mitten free YAY! I don't know if I could have chewed her nails off... It's just too weird, haha xD

 

[Xero]

Yeah I'd be thinking I was eating them or something if they did lol I get grossed out easily.

Good job! You will perfect it over time.