I am a soon to be step dad. My fiance's boys are 10 and 12 and we have them every other week. She waits on them hand and foot. I have started to tell them to stop treating her like a waitress and get their own snacks and other requests. But there are still some bigger issues. She showers them, takes care of their potty wiping, and the 10 year old will not go to sleep without her staying with him in the bedroom. When they are at their dad's, he does not do any of this. They get their own showers, bathroom, bed independently. I know my fiance is being a good mom and only wants to ensure they are clean and content, but I am worried about how they view women and how they will respect women in the future. I have tried many times to tell them to start doing these things themselves since they do them at their dad's but my voice really goes unnoticed and it continues. All I want is for them to start doing these personal hygiene things themselves so they learn.