Is this form of discipline okay to do?...

[singledad]

Hey Xero, will you quit reading my mind .

You've explained perfectly how I see it. If you are going to not do things out of fear of getting caught, then it follows that at some point there will be a situation where you can expect to get away with it. Will you then do it?

sbattisti does have a point about certain methods working for different children, so I am still willing to accept that some children may respond well to physical punishment. However, like Xero I also believe that too many parents take it as the easy option, and mistake the immediate results for a lesson learnt.

The problem with any kind of punishment is that the power diminishes as the child gets older. I remember once in high-school, I was acting out again, and the teacher gave me detention. I told him straight that he had better spank me and get it over with, because I wasn't going to go to detention. So he hauled me to the headmasters office, and I was suspended. I spend the next few days hanging out at the mall, having a blast. Then I went back to school and continued my bad behaviour. The only person who could come close to controlling me, was my grandmother - the one person who never tried to punish me, but who was always there for me, and to whom I could go with anything without fearing that she would be angry. There was nothing scary about her - she's a petite old lady with a soft voice, but she loved me, and I responded to that better than I ever responded to any form of punishment. See, I knew she believed in me, and I didn't want to disappoint her.

To this day, I don't respond well to commands, and threads of disciplinary action bring out my rebellious side. But ask me to do something, and I struggle to say no. Explain to my why I'm not supposed to do something, and I will do my very best not to. Basically - respect me, and I will go out of my way to accommodate you, but disrespect me, and I will give you hell. I don't submit to bullies, even if they are my superior - that's just the way I was wired. I once got myself a written warning for walking out of a manager's office while he was shouting at me. I don't should at my juniors, and I refused to be shouted at by my superiors... (Funny - I've never had a problem with juniors not respecting my authority either...)

To come to a point: the relationship I have with my grandma, is the relationship I want with my daughter. I want her to be able to come to me with anything, even if it is something serious she did wrong. I don't want her to be afraid that I would punish her, and I don't want her to be afraid of getting caught out. I want her to know that when she does well, I will be proud of her, and when she doesn't, I may be a bit disappointed, but I won't love her any less. I want her to know that I will always be on her side, because she is my daughter and I love her more than life itself. However, I also want her to know that there are reasons why rules exist, and that you break them at your own peril - I won't always be able to rescue her from the consequences of her behaviour. The best way I can think of to teach her that, is to be creative, and have any form of discipline be as closely related to the misdeed as possible, and always geared towards teaching rather than punishing.

 

[Xero]

Hey Xero, will you quit reading my mind .

:wubclub:

 

[mom2many]

As some know, I have no problem with the occasional spanking. I have a problem with parents who use it at the drop of a hat, but like anything in life moderation is key.
My older 4 were spanked, and they have a healthy dose of fear, sure. But they also have a lot of respect for me and come to me for about everything, they're teens so I am not foolish enough to think they don't have secrets. But they have secrets not cause they are afraid of me but because they value having some things in life that belong to them and only them.

My mom spanked me maybe four times in my life, and yes I had them coming. I also was afraid of my mom, not because she spanked me. That was easy to get over, but because I was afraid of disappointing her. With 3 of my four older ones it is the same. Samantha is the only one who could care less and requires a whole other form of discipline, I have always ( I swear it was true even in the womb) had to go toe to toe with her. My younger ones are hell on feet, my older were probably the same way, but as time progressed you tend to forget some of the "bad". Individually the LO's are good all together it is a constant fight and battle, and I have spanked, I will only reason and ask so much before I will resort to spanking. My LO's have no real fear of me, that is part of the problem, and short of beating them (which is not now and will never be an option...just clarifying) I don't know that they will. However I am hoping disappointment will work, but I know that won't kick in for a little while longer.

Fear is what keeps most of society in line. Even those in prison are afraid of going to prison, but their impulses and actions always over ride that fear. Not everyone is wired the same, not everyone is going to follow societies rules, the question isn't whether or not they were spanked or if gentle forms of punishment were used, but what happens in their brains that makes them over ride what they know to be right from wrong. One day science will figure it out, until then we will always have those that follow the rules and those that don't. Not everything a person does has a reflection on how their parents corrected them.

 

[tamo]

Okay so here is the story. I have a friend with 2 kids. Ages 3 (girl) and 6 (boy). They are two of the most disciplined, well mannered, respectful kids I have ever seen. I ask, how does he do it?! He is a single dad with 75% custody of both kids.

He says one form of discipline he uses, is making the kids do wall sits, rather than spank them. You know, back on the wall, hands out at 90 degree angle and knees at 90 degree angle. Most of us did this in PE class in middle school.

I am considering doing this with my children as well... but when I made a similar post on another site, someone told me that she would call CPS if she ever heard anyone saying they made their kids do wall sits. But everyone that I know in real life, who are parents, thinks it's a fantastic idea as opposed to spanking the child. I agree.

I was wondering what your opinion on the matter is. I really do not see anything wrong with it. I would have much rather done wall sits as a child than be spanking by my fathers big leather belt across my bottom. Or the wooden paddle with holes in it, like my elementary school principal did to me.

So... wall sits. Good or bad idea for kids.

ANY INPUT APPRECIATED!!! THANKS SO MUCH!

We as parents have different parenting styles. Some parents have an authoritarian parenting stlye where they are very restrictive and firm with their children. In my opinion that is the parenting styles that works for your friend. However, that works for him but it does not nessessary means that it will work for you as a parent. Developing your own parenting style is the was to go and a more authoritative parenting styles would work very well with children at a young age. Because when a parent is warm, nurturing and encourages independence children tend to respond better to their parent.

 

[praveepraba88]

Hi frds to all then wt kind of type?:spinny:


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[brit16]

Everyone has their own opinion on how you should discipline your kids. I am a high school teacher, coach, and mom to eight month old. I think that every kid is different and you have to adjust to what works the best for them.

 

[brit16]

I recently got a book called the Happy Child Guide. It is really good and talks about how to have happy children that mind and does not focus on discipline, but the reasons why the child acts out. It is really good, you should check it out.

http://doesthehappychildguidework.blogspot.com/[/URL]

 

[Jake72]

It's a good idea. I'd just be afraid the kid would start to hate working out though, if you use it as a punishment.

 

[lanceallen]

to be honest i don't know what the word disciplined means to you

but

the way i see it described is someone who follows rules completely and does what their told even if it does involve pain ...

which in my opinion is setting up kids for failure and may become followers as adults and no even know why even if its not in their best interest

and it sounds like your view of children is limited to 2 lenses; physical pain and psychological pain or both

1. either pain (hitting) or 2. worse humiliation and teaching children to actually inflict pain on themselves


so i think if first you broadened your view of the world instead of living in a toolbox of 2 ways to hurt your child you would help yourself and your children without causing them to be suicidal and closed in....

now,
i highly highly recommend john gottmans book raising emotional intelligent children.

instead of 90 degree box children who grows up saying the only thing i learned was how to submit to and inflict pain on myself.

hope i helped

 

[hockeyguy]

Wall sits, chores etc. why not? Anything other than violence or abuse (physical, mental or verbal). CPS, gimme a break. These are the types of hypocrites I cannot stand. THe old do as I say not as I do club.

I can only imagine how the advisor was raised or how they would dicipline their kids.

I think you are on to something.

 

[MomoJA]

Sounds like a great idea for some people. I don't think it would work for me, but I certainly don't see any abuse as you have described it here.

 

[Wanting2hlp]

I think the idea is great as long as its not over use. I remember my coach using running as a way of punishment, which is something coaches everywhere do, so if you can get grown men to listen and obey with it, it should instill good vultures in your children from the start.

 

[kathywhite]

My experience is that punishment for children is always because they are acting in a way that tells me where I am off with them. I look first to what I've been doing to them, ignoring them, shouting at them, not reading enough or taking them to the park, that they are "misbehaving" to get my attention. I've yet to experience anything from my kids behaviour that I couldn't link back to my own. Sitting them against a wall, great maybe it works but I would sit there with them.

 

[Jan Shoop]

I doubt if doing wall-sits will permanently damage the child, unless it is in excess.

However, before any discipline I think it is important to explore why the child is misbehaving. Children misbehave for a variety of reasons; having a bad day at school, stress, feeling lonely, tired, or hungry. So... before I punished a child I'd take a close look at what was the cause of the misbehavior and choose a discipline that would help the child learn from their mistakes.

 

[IADad]

Hi Jan,

Great to see you here and posting. Thanks for your input, that's great advice.

Just a couple of housekeeping things...

Can you please remove the URL from your signature? Rules don't allow it. It's okay in your profile.

You may want to jump up to the FAQs and read the rules to avoid other missteps.

Then drop by the intro thread and tell us a little about yourself.

Always great to have more parents and professionals are a double bonus.

Thanks.

 

[Jan Shoop]

Sorry! Just removed it. Guess I should have looked closer at the rules.

 

[alexeimuja]

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[mrrobinson]

Okay so here is the story. I have a friend with 2 kids. Ages 3 (girl) and 6 (boy). They are two of the most disciplined, well mannered, respectful kids I have ever seen. I ask, how does he do it?! He is a single dad with 75% custody of both kids.

He says one form of discipline he uses, is making the kids do wall sits, rather than spank them. You know, back on the wall, hands out at 90 degree angle and knees at 90 degree angle. Most of us did this in PE class in middle school.

I am considering doing this with my children as well... but when I made a similar post on another site, someone told me that she would call CPS if she ever heard anyone saying they made their kids do wall sits. But everyone that I know in real life, who are parents, thinks it's a fantastic idea as opposed to spanking the child. I agree.

I was wondering what your opinion on the matter is. I really do not see anything wrong with it. I would have much rather done wall sits as a child than be spanking by my fathers big leather belt across my bottom. Or the wooden paddle with holes in it, like my elementary school principal did to me.

So... wall sits. Good or bad idea for kids.

ANY INPUT APPRECIATED!!! THANKS SO MUCH!

So you are asking if it's okay to torture your kids? No, it is not. Send them to military school and let them do it for you.

 

[mrrobinson]

When I was a child, in elementary school, my principal would spank me with a wooden paddle with holes in it. They would actually call my parents in and have them watch him do this to me.

My father used to whoop me with his leather belt, too. He would take his belt off, snap it to make a loud noise to scare me, bend me over and let me have it.

IMHO, I would much rather sit on the wall for 30 seconds then either of the former.

I really do not want to cause any trouble or cause an ugly thread, I respect this forum and its members. I am honestly looking for answers from other parents. I do not really have the best family or anyone to look up to, so that is why I come here for advice.

Anything is appreciated.

Thanks again.

Stop continuing the cycle of violence and get counseling, for yourself.

 

[Pwningbear]

Each parent has a different idea on discipline. I know several parents who do have their kids do wall sits. Their kids are always respectful to adults, but kids will be kids and act out every now and then.
I think that is more of a "physical" punishment then a mental. It not only strengthens their legiments, but their minds and ability to understand. If you do resort to wall sits make sure its for short periods of time, and that you repeat WHY they had to do the wall sits, so they understand why they are being punished.