OP, I think you have quite a difficult riad ahead if you, and your daughter even more so. At least, i would think you can appreciate better now why your daughter has hid her orientation for so long and so well: although you are discovering your husband's intolrence only now, you can bet your daughter has known for some time already, with each homophobic joke a black mark on her self esteem.
Which is why it will become very critical that she feels your support 100%.
i think you need to get to a point where she knows you are on her side and she can choose if she wants this to remains in the closet toward her dad, or if she is willing to risk open confrontation, fully backed by you.
In the mean time: prepare the battle ahead. Make some phone calls and research, find a support organization in your local area for your daughter, perhaps one for your husband so he can meet parents of homosexual children; you can keep all this info safely away so that its ready to use for when the shits hits the fan (and it will).
Look for a great presentation conference by John Corvino, "what's morally wrong with homosexuality", a wonderful and humorous conference from a gay man who used to be a priest before he left the church. He addresses most of the questions your husband may asks himself. The conference can be purchased on dvd but you can find its keypoints sampled on youtube.
As he says so eloquantly, people shouldn't be judged on who they love, but on <I>whether</I> they love...
Make sure to openly stand for equality in your house, your daughter needs to see it before she will trust you.
To be accused of sin just for "being" eho you are and absolutely cannot change is terrible! Imagine if someone would accuse you of being in sin for loving the opposite gender ... Could you accept it? I venture to say no more than the reverse... She needs support.
Good luck!
Which is why it will become very critical that she feels your support 100%.
i think you need to get to a point where she knows you are on her side and she can choose if she wants this to remains in the closet toward her dad, or if she is willing to risk open confrontation, fully backed by you.
In the mean time: prepare the battle ahead. Make some phone calls and research, find a support organization in your local area for your daughter, perhaps one for your husband so he can meet parents of homosexual children; you can keep all this info safely away so that its ready to use for when the shits hits the fan (and it will).
Look for a great presentation conference by John Corvino, "what's morally wrong with homosexuality", a wonderful and humorous conference from a gay man who used to be a priest before he left the church. He addresses most of the questions your husband may asks himself. The conference can be purchased on dvd but you can find its keypoints sampled on youtube.
As he says so eloquantly, people shouldn't be judged on who they love, but on <I>whether</I> they love...
Make sure to openly stand for equality in your house, your daughter needs to see it before she will trust you.
To be accused of sin just for "being" eho you are and absolutely cannot change is terrible! Imagine if someone would accuse you of being in sin for loving the opposite gender ... Could you accept it? I venture to say no more than the reverse... She needs support.
Good luck!