I am married to a wonderful man with custody of his two children. We have been together 10 years now. In that 10 years the mother of these two wonderful children has spent maybe 100 days with them in the 10 years I have been apart of their lives. We have never said anything hurtful about their mother over the years. We have spent time telling them that she is a wonderful person and that she loves them. We have dried tears when she calls and tells them that she is coming and then never shows up and then surfaces 7 years later only because her oldest child jumps in front of our truck on accident and my husband had to get out and say something too her just for her to yell daddy run inside and get her mother. The ex-wife walks out with a beer in hand and a cigarette looks in the truck at the two kids and says oh my other little offspring how nice. Throws her smoke on the ground and walks away. Let me say her oldest is not my husband but he raised her from 6 months to 4 years. My husband leaves the children in the truck and trys to go talk to her just to have her slam the door in his face and tells him to take the children and leave. We go two more years and don't see or hear from her not from a lack of trying she moved from where she had been living. Then one day she calls and decides that she wants her visitation with the children everyother weekend because she has has two more children and her oldest daughter is 13 and pregnant and she wants the babies and the grandbaby to know her other two children. My husband had to send the children who cried and clinged to the car we had to pry them out to send them with her and they were 11 and 12 at that time. She had little to do with them mostly left them with her youngest two 2 and 1 and went out to the bars with her third husband. After that my husband refused to send the children again. She never called in Dec of 2011 she filed for custody of the children and that started a 9 month custody battle in the end the judge told her that she hadn't been present enough in the children's lives and that custody would remain the same. We started to force the children to go again to their mothers. Come mother's day they refused to go they wanted to plant flowers for grandma( she pasted away last March) she was a VERY VERY large part of their life she took care of them from the time their mother left when the youngest was 3 months old until I came into the picture when the youngest was 3. The next weekend the children walked from Grandpa's house the few blocks to their mother's to be yelled at and put out of the house. Her husband (number 4) told the children they were never to come back since they couldn't show their mother the respect she deserved and that Grandma was no one and never was and they shouldn't care or hurt over her loss. The children returned in tears and after calming them both down we got the story the problem is the mother went a long with the husband and upped it by telling the daughter she was an ungrateful bitch. My husband immideatlly called his ex wife who did not denie the accusation. After that the next weekend she was to have them we went to the arranged meeting place and waited over and hour for her to show and she never did. He refused to call her stating that she is an adult and he shouldn't have to call and remind her of her weekends with the children. We went three more of her weekends and never did she show. She didn't call until she was forced into court by child support enforcement because she was 9,000 behind in support. She called to say that he best get them to back off. Never asked about the children or asked to talk or see them. Then in Nov. of 2012 she files a rule to show cause and have him held in contemt of court for not sending the children. My husband goes into court and the judge holds him incontment because he didn't drive the 28 miles knock on the door and force the children inside the home. The children now 15 and 14 don't want to go they do drugs and sell them and have done both infront of the children. My step-daughter looks at us and tells us she is mad because we never told her how horrible her mother was and that we didn't tell her the truth because her mother don't love her and that she uses them as trophy's to the new husbands family. I love my step children to death I see them as my own I know that they are not and that they have their mother but I hurt as I watch her hurt them. The judge told my husband that he had to forcably make the children go restrain them do whatever it took toget them into the mothers car. The visit right after I watched in horror as he had to drag both children out of the car and force them into hers and she had to lock the doors and have some one else hold the passenger door shut why my husband pulled and forced the other child into the car. When does this border abuse? That is what we wonder. We don't want to take her time with the children away but she has done the damage that we fear can't be undone. My husband has filed to have visitation taken away but until it goes to court we have to cont this horrible mess. The daughter went from straight a's to c's and d's in a matter of weeks cause she can't deal with the stress. What can we do. I know I am a legal outsider and stranger but it doesn't help me to keep from hurting.