Mom struggling with kicking her daughter out, advice?...

[squirrel]

well, i have similar problem,stepsons, 18yo great in school, athlete, good grades, works full time, receives invitation from best colleges in country...
16yo, school? no way, absent every day. sport? no way, smokes and drinks, involved with juvenile court.. one day he will have his own comapny, other day truck driver, and then drug dealer, and other day he will get geed, other day he will finish HS and go to tech college...

his father is to soft with him, and i think thats not good for kids... cause, he knows that father will not fill his promises ( im going to ground you, give me cellphone, no internet)

he kicked 18yo 2 months ago, cause he was such an ass, and yesterday he came back home, cause his father begged him to come back home...

my opinion in every situation is: kids needs to learn on hard way, cause they dont appreciate when you as a parent tell him...
we have parole officer, this is already 2nd, he was in detention, in home detention, consleor, this is already 2nd...
and ive realized, only time he was ok, was, when he was in inhome detention, cause they called every 2 hours, they would come, unannounced on the door...
and actually, he had somebody who had control, who was upon him, and whom he couldn say a word, and who wasnt soft...
well, his father can kick him out cause hes 16, but he doesnt do a thing to improve his behavior...

so, i would tell to mom, same thing as im telling to my soon to be ex hubby, let him kick the wall with his own head! kick her out, after couple of days she will come back home, cause if her bf doesnt have money, well they wont live out of love...
if she finds a job, keep her that way one time, till she realizes, that her bf is taking her money, she will dump him, and eventually come home...

im not mom, but i would do that...

in germany, every kid, who turns 18, and finishes HS can move out

 

[saffire]

At 19 I would not be kicking her out but I would be spendiing time with her to give her options.
She can make the choice to do something or not but there is a consequence.
ie if you are doing drugs you have to make the choice. You can quit and live at home or your can do drugs and and drink but you will have to live with your friends. You have three days to make that choice. See the advice of a movie to start communication.
If you choose to live at home we can make a plan for you future,
ie we can take two weeks to form a plan for your future as how you would like to see it and then act on it. Do the research with her,
Find out what she feels caused her faliure. I say this because I went from a private school to a colledge and I had too much fun and the end result was I could not catch up. So I was able to learn from that and I realized that I choose the wrong program for me. I realized that if I partied again I would loose my education abilty and I had to pay my own way which was easier way back then, I went into a differant program and worked out a study schedule and was sucessful. So I think sitting down and listening comes first. Then have her develop a plan.
I also get the feeling that the party aspect of life is too much fun and her abilty to handle money is to party.
Its tough being a parent sometimes eh?
There is a real good film called The Party Never Stops that I would watch with her and have an open discussion about it after. It may be available in dvd, It portrays the consequence of drinking at colledge and also the mother being a parent and working it through. I think it would open up a lot of awareness.