My son is guilty of statutory rape?/trying to rebel against me?...

[Nina1966]

My son is 19 years old, his gf is 16.

I found a USB-stick, near his computer, that was filled with lolicon images(I looked it up on wikipedia)
I wanted to know what he was going to do with it, so i put some camera's in his room. What I saw was disturbing..

He was in his room, with his girlfriend, He then gave her the USB-stick to his GF, she knew what was on it(he told her). they where talking about lolicon.. Both of them liked it
He gave to her because their "5 year anniversary" Then they talked about how they have been having sex for 5 years.. which means she was 11 and he was 14 when it started.. is that even normal?
They also talked about how they have been collecting "lolicon" and "lolicon doujin/manga" for 5 years... which disturbs me even more.

Then they started reading 1 of his lolicon comics.. or whatever they are.
Soon after they started making out.. and had sex(at which point I turned it off).
My son had sex with a 11yo girl.. why would he do such a horrible thing?

Also, how do I inform his girlfriend's parents about it.. i'm not sure how to tell them about this..
They go to the same church and as us(excluding my son.. who likes to rebel by being a atheist) and just as us they are against pre-marital sex, especially against sex at such a young age(11). I'm thinking of just showing them the video, would that work?

Also, my son is the vocalist in a metal band(or prog metal, as he calls it) and he knows how much we hate that sort of music. I'm pretty sure he is just doing all of this to rebel against us. being a atheist, being in a metal band, having pre-marital sex at a young age.

 

[IADad]

so you're first question is is it normal, obviously not, your second question is how can he do such a horrible thing? Dunno and your third concern is how to tell the other parents, right? So, no concern for your son, no questions about how to help him or her?

I don't want to seem harsh, but I'm not sure what your real motivation is here, so I'll not invest a lot of effort in a response until it's clearer.

Perhaps you can clarify what you'd like us to comment about rather than just comment on a sensational topic.

 

[NancyM]

I'm not sure what to say about the lolicons , are you talking about cartooned young people posing provocatively? can you elaborate, I'm afraid to google it b/c I'm sure I'll be bombarded with smut.

I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your son, a lot of this will depend on how well the two of you communicate. Do you ever talk to him about sex in general. I don't think you should just come out with all this unless the two of you can do it without either one loosing control, especially that you may have to explain that you were spying on him and his GF by way of hidden camera, truthfully, I don't think that was a good idea.

Even though all this is new to you, they have been together for so long it <I>IS </I>normal to <I>them. </I>The other thing I'm having a problem with is that you found this information underhandedly. It wasn't something that was told to you, so imo, you really have no right to tell anyone especially not his GF's parents. What's the point about the sex part, it will most defiantly cause friction between all of you.

Although it sounds terrible for an 11 yr old to be having sex, it really isn't that uncommon, and your son was young too. I'm not saying it was ok, but that was 5 years ago and by telling her parents now will most certainly cause trouble.

Not to mention you son is still having sex with a minor and her parents can have him arrested, and sent to prison for rape which will damage his life for ever.

Maybe I'm not understanding completely, but why do you want to do that to your son?

I need more info on the lolicons, not really sure what they were watching or doing.

 

[Kali]

I googled lolicons and they are apparently a Japanese thing. It's an erotic and provocative display of prepubescents. It's name comes from the Lolita novel about the middle aged man obsessed with the 12 yr old.

I agree with Nancy about the fact that your son could very well get arrested for statutory rape. The girl's parents will most likely not want to believe that their daughter has done anything wrong and will therefore blame your son. If I were you, Nancy, I'd try talking to him first. Maybe not bring up the video in which you underhandedly taped him, but mention that you saw the lolicon pictures and start with a discussion about that. Don't be accusatory because if he's already rebelling, that will just drive him away. Talk to him calmly and openly. That's my suggestion. I'd also bring up what sleeping with his current girlfriend could do to him.

 

[singledad]

Yup, lolicon is Japanes (Manga) style comics which feature pre-pubescent looking girls are depicted in a provocative or sexual way.

I found a USB-stick, near his computer, that was filled with lolicon images(I looked it up on wikipedia)

I'm confused. So how did you know the USB-stick was filled with lolicon, if you did not know what lolicon was?

My son had sex with a 11yo girl.. why would he do such a horrible thing?

Well, he was 14 at the time, not 19. That doesn't make it OK, but it doesn't make him a pedophile either.

Also, how do I inform his girlfriend's parents about it.. i'm not sure how to tell them about this..
They go to the same church and as us(excluding my son.. who likes to rebel by being a atheist) and just as us they are against pre-marital sex, especially against sex at such a young age(11). I'm thinking of just showing them the video, would that work?

Why should you tell them? I don't know what the age of consent is where you are, but here it is 16, so they are not doing anything illegal anymore. Also - here it isn't considered statutory rape if the boy is also underage and the sex was consensual.

Also, assuming you're in the US, where, if I'm not mistaken, statutory rape will earn a "sex-offender" label, and get the person on the sex-offender list for life, why on earth would you want to do that to your son for sleeping with his long-time girlfriend in what is clearly a stable relationship of long standing?

Also, my son is the vocalist in a metal band(or prog metal, as he calls it) and he knows how much we hate that sort of music.<U> I'm pretty sure he is just doing all of this to rebel against us</U>. being a atheist, being in a metal band, having pre-marital sex at a young age.

Of maybe its not about you? At 19, you're not the centre of his world anymore. Chances are that he LIKES prog metal, doesn't believe in God, and loves his girlfriend. You can't force someone not to like a certain genre of music, or to believe in your chosen religion, you know. He's your son, but surely he is allowed to make up his own mind about such personal things?

And like IADad, I'm not about to invest any more time than this, considering the MASSIVE amount of time and energy you invested in your first 5 posts before your posted a very sensational post...

 

[nwcrazy]

I look at this thing differently. As a father of a young girl, I would like to see your son arrested.

The fact that he likes looking at young girl pictures makes me concerned about what he will be like in 5 year or 10 years when he is no longer with his young girlfriend.

Unlike others, I do see a real possible pedophile in the making.

Sorry, but that's my take.

 

[NancyM]

I look at this thing differently. As a father of a young girl, I would like to see your son arrested.

The fact that he likes looking at young girl pictures makes me concerned about what he will be like in 5 year or 10 years when he is no longer with his young girlfriend.

Unlike others, I do see a real possible pedophile in the making.

Sorry, but that's my take.

I understand your fear about rape nwcrazy, but as a mother of a boy (he's 20 now) my fear was always that some underage young girl is going to get 'HIM' in trouble by consenting to have sex with him.

I don't see a pedophile in the making at all, they've been intimate for a long time together and apparently the girl enjoys looking at young girl pictures too. Why is it that only HE might turn out to be a pedophile?

I don't think it's fair to always blame the boy. IMO my son was just as sweet and innocent as your daughter was at age 11 and even 16.

When he became interested in girls, I use to tell him to be careful about younger girls for the obvious reasons, so maybe you should tell your daughter as she gets older that you will press rape charges against any guy she has sex with while she is under age. I'm not trying to be funny, if you think about most dads don't say those things to their girls, so how would she know. (I know no one ever said that to me) My dad would say "Don't go in <I>their</I> cars alone' "Don't let <I>them</I> get you alone" or 'if he hurts you I'll kill him' I thought my dad was nuts. I had no idea what he was talking about. Why would my boyfriend want to hurt me? All I knew is I couldn't wait to be alone with him in the car or anywhere else. lol

But if she does know what you mean, she would act responsible and not have sex with an older boy, and not have him arrested for rape and have his life ruined.

Now if I had a girl child, I know I'd be very worried all the time so I'm not making light of how you feel I just want to point out that parents of boys have the same fears.

 

[nwcrazy]

I don't see a pedophile in the making at all

No parent wants to believe his/her child is capable of doing horrible things; but the fact is everyone who's ever committed a crime was (or is) a child of someone else.

As a male, I know how I perceived younger girls when I was a teenager. Girls even a grade younger than me were, from my perspective, too young. Girls who were a few grades younger were seen as just little kids. And at 19 the thought of looking at little girls pictures never crossed my mind.

The OP's 19 year old son has LOLICon pictures. That would disturb me too. Pedophiles like to call the little girls LOLItas. &lt;yes, I've done some research on the subject matter&gt;

At the very least, I think she should explain the situation to an experienced therapist to get a professional's point of view on how she should proceed.

Sure, her son has been with the minor for 5 years. BUT she is still a minor. When she is no longer a minor, will he pursue another minor? No one knows for sure, but these are serious concerns.

Another thing that concerns me is that she said..."Then they started reading 1 of his lolicon comics.. or whatever they are.
Soon after they started making out."

IMO, he appears to be turned on by little girl pictures.

 

[NancyM]

No parent wants to believe his/her child is capable of doing horrible things; but the fact is everyone who's ever committed a crime was (or is) a child of someone else.

As a male, I know how I perceived younger girls when I was a teenager. Girls even a grade younger than me were, from my perspective, too young. Girls who were a few grades younger were seen as just little kids. And at 19 the thought of looking at little girls pictures never crossed my mind.

The OP's 19 year old son has LOLICon pictures. That would disturb me too. Pedophiles like to call the little girls LOLItas. &lt;yes, I've done some research on the subject matter&gt;

At the very least, I think she should explain the situation to an experienced therapist to get a professional's point of view on how she should proceed.

Sure, her son has been with the minor for 5 years. BUT she is still a minor. When she is no longer a minor, will he pursue another minor? No one knows for sure, but these are serious concerns.

Another thing that concerns me is that she said..."Then they started reading 1 of his lolicon comics.. or whatever they are.
Soon after they started making out."

IMO, he appears to be turned on by little girl pictures.

I see your points nwcrazy, and am not comfortable with the lolicon issue, I just wanted to point out how mom's of boys feel as well.

 

[nwcrazy]

@Nancy

Point taken.

I just hear people ALWAYS say, "It was right in front of me...I should have seen the warning signs".

 

[Father_0f_7]

What Country/State are you in?

 

[Shiroi Tora]

The problem that I see lies with the parents. Sex is a natural drive. Children seek pleasure. It gives pleasure. They are children...they will act like children. That is why parents must control their environment (and so the age old use of chaperones...just for this purpose).

Why would you allow a girl in YOUR house...to see YOUR son alone...in complete privacy...in HIS bedroom.

Why would her parents let their daughter roam around the neighborhood without verifying her location? Have you discussed anything with her parents? Leave out any mention of sexual activity that YOU have or they had done. By you having possession of such a recording...you are also in danger of Prison...child porn.

Control their environment. Talk with your son and let him know the legal dangers of having sex with a minor (in general...not because you know he has had it). Discuss with her parents about how the situation could get out of hand if their daughter goes to your house...and for whatever reason...you can't fully control the situation in YOUR house.

In short...get rid of his pictures...and no...you don't need his permission to do so....get rid of yours. Talk with the parents...control your homes and your children.

 

[NancyM]

I'm in agreement with you too Shiroi lol

 

[Red]

Hello, I'm the son of "nina" that she mentioned in this thread(the one with a 3yo younger girlfriend)
I'm just posting her because I found this thread(a few days ago). So the video she has of us does not exist anymore, I'm not going to let her keep it or show it to anybody.

But that is not the reason i'm posting here, I just checked this thread, I was bored, and I was curious what kind of replies it had. Some of which I do not agree with it.

I look at this thing differently. As a father of a young girl, I would like to see your son arrested.

For what? She's 16, which is above the age of consent.

The fact that he likes looking at young girl pictures makes me concerned about what he will be like in 5 year or 10 years when he is no longer with his young girlfriend.

Lolicon, not "young girls". I'm no way or form attracted to actual little girls.
And in 10 years I will still be with my girlfriend(Atleast, I hope so).

Unlike others, I do see a real possible pedophile in the making.
.

Except that I'm not a peadophilia, and I never will be one.

No parent wants to believe his/her child is capable of doing horrible things; but the fact is everyone who's ever committed a crime was (or is) a child of someone else.

My mother thinks I raped a girl, i'm pretty sure she does believe i'm capable of horrible things(i'm not).

The OP's 19 year old son has LOLICon pictures. That would disturb me too. Pedophiles like to call the little girls LOLItas. &lt;yes, I've done some research on the subject matter&gt;

Loli's can indeed refer to 2 things, Japanese drawn hentia porn of young girls, and a girl between the ages of 9 and 14.
Lolicon however does refer to the former. Lolicon is a fetish, nothing more.
Its harmless, atleast it is to me.

Sure, her son has been with the minor for 5 years. BUT she is still a minor. When she is no longer a minor, will he pursue another minor? No one knows for sure, but these are serious concerns.

I won't pursue another minor. I know that for sure.

Another thing that concerns me is that she said..."Then they started reading 1 of his lolicon comics.. or whatever they are.
Soon after they started making out."
IMO, he appears to be turned on by little girl pictures.

Lolicon? yes.
Actual little girls? no.

I look at this thing differently. As a father of a young girl, I would like to see your son arrested.

The fact that he likes looking at young girl pictures makes me concerned about what he will be like in 5 year or 10 years when he is no longer with his young girlfriend.

Unlike others, I do see a real possible pedophile in the making.

Sorry, but that's my take.

No parent wants to believe his/her child is capable of doing horrible things; but the fact is everyone who's ever committed a crime was (or is) a child of someone else.

As a male, I know how I perceived younger girls when I was a teenager. Girls even a grade younger than me were, from my perspective, too young. Girls who were a few grades younger were seen as just little kids. And at 19 the thought of looking at little girls pictures never crossed my mind.

The OP's 19 year old son has LOLICon pictures. That would disturb me too. Pedophiles like to call the little girls LOLItas. &lt;yes, I've done some research on the subject matter&gt;

At the very least, I think she should explain the situation to an experienced therapist to get a professional's point of view on how she should proceed.

Sure, her son has been with the minor for 5 years. BUT she is still a minor. When she is no longer a minor, will he pursue another minor? No one knows for sure, but these are serious concerns.

Another thing that concerns me is that she said..."Then they started reading 1 of his lolicon comics.. or whatever they are.
Soon after they started making out."

IMO, he appears to be turned on by little girl pictures.

The problem that I see lies with the parents. Sex is a natural drive. Children seek pleasure. It gives pleasure. They are children...they will act like children. That is why parents must control their environment (and so the age old use of chaperones...just for this purpose).

My parents(and her parents), never taught us anything about sex.
The only reason we didn't become teen parents is because me brother knew about it(the sex, he caught us), and he told us about condoms/pregnancy(he was 17 back then) So I would say my parents(and hers) failed horrible at this.

 

[Red]

Oh, before I forget. I found the thread by looking through her browsing history. I forgot to add that into my post.

 

[Father_0f_7]

For what? She's 16, which is above the age of consent.

BUT, "you" were having sex with her when she was below the legal age of consent. And the statute of limitations is not up. You can still be arrested.

 

[Red]

BUT, "you" were having sex with her when she was below the legal age of consent. And the statute of limitations is not up. You can still be arrested.

Lucky for me, their is no proof of it.

 

[Father_0f_7]

There doesn't have to be proof, all they have to do is say you did it. Then there is an immediate investigation and whether you want to believe it or not, there is ALWAYS a way to proove it.

 

[Red]

There doesn't have to be proof, all they have to do is say you did it. Then there is an immediate investigation and whether you want to believe it or not, there is ALWAYS a way to proove it.

And AGAIN, where are you from?

What kind of proof? I doubt they would actually get enough to put both me and my gf in jail... which seems kind of pointless.


I'm from the Netherlands(not exactly a country you would expect a crazy christian mom from.).

 

[Father_0f_7]

Your girlfriend wouldn't go to jail. just you.

So was your "mother" lying? or did you actually have sex with her when she was 11 and you were 14?