My son is guilty of statutory rape?/trying to rebel against me?...

[DFWRusty]

To Red and the OP-

My .02 cents, given that both sides are telling the truth-

It sounds like y'all have some serious issues betwen y'all that need to be hashed out! It sounds like y'all need to talk more and maybe learn more about eachother.

IMO, everything they have done is age appropriate! The sex at 11 is a little crazy, but that is what I call PARENTING FAIL, on both ends. Her parents shouldn't have been ignorant enought to allow their daughter to be in a situation to make that kind of choice and his parents should not have allowed him to be so intimate with an 11 year old. How ever, they did and kids will be kids. I was 14 when I lost my virginity with my 14 year old gf, big deal! I also think that if they have been dating for 5 years that it's pobably not a case of a crazed pedopheliac! I think its a case of high school sweet hearts!

On lollicon, I believe differnt strokes for differnt folks! Y'all have to remember that this guy is only 19. He is used to the 14-19 yr old girls more so than the typical hot girl that most of us are used to being attracted to. I think the lollicon is age appropriate for him at this point. Maybe if in 5-6 years he hasn't moved on to more age appropriate material for stimulation, that might be a mild concern, but for now.... big whoop...

 

[Mulligrubs]

The girl's parents will most likely not want to believe that their daughter has done anything wrong and will therefore blame your son.

That's because the daughter hasn't done anything wrong.

Your son having sex with an 11 year old at 14 isn't a crime, I don't believe...however your son having sex at 18 with a 15 year old is. But it's a hard one as there's so many grey area. Over here in this country the fact that there is only 3 years between them blur the edges a little and it's taken into account if there is an arrest. But I don't know what it's like over there.

Looking at kiddie porn type stuff is illegal though.

I wouldn't worry about him being in a heavy metal band....that's the least of your problems.

 

[superxses]

thank 4 sharing

 

[saffire]

I raised a son and I always knew what he was doing because we communicated a lot. There where family conferances every Friday for an hour at the most and there where boundries about friends being over.

Sounds like boundries where not in place for a long time but assertivley they can be set.
Rules about the computer and I would consider taking the computer away after he understands what he did and why it is wrong even erasing every file and making him give it to a trhrift store after he is made aware of how serious his choices are.

I would not say a word because of legal aspects, maybe talk to a criminal lawyer for advice and have your son present so he is aware of the consequence.
I also would suggest to him that he needs some therapy.
Sex can be a thrill to cover up deep pain, depression or a whim from peer pressure.
There just seems to be too much alone time.
Just some things to consider.
Not much point in going into pain blame or anger but being the parent that sits down in calm and lays out the plan for the next few weeks after you have made an appointment with a lawyer the first hour for advice is free and book a therapy program through your doctor.
We all miss things .. I did not know my son was smoking marajuanna at age 11 and when I called the parents home where they where doing it I got well what is your concern we smoke it and I realized not all parents where on the same page. I had my eyes open but did not relate his mood to smoking and then it all made sense. Not much point in beating myself up but going in
to a plan and not sharing until you are well prepared, and you can be held just as responsible because it has been going on in your home. Good to get some advice on how to handle it from a proffessional but they have to report any child abuse so to see a lawyer will give you direct answers to many questions. Children will behave in certain ways and they do get involved on the internet even if its not at home. I think guiding them through that before it grows. The site they are using is a form even though animation of porn. I would have a sit down with an evening for an hour and maybe have a mediator a family member who can support your concerns or someone you trust. Keep your emotions under wrap when communicating. Children do not understand there behavior that started years ago and to deal with it without shaming is so critical so that he can hear you.
You might acknowledge to the girl that you know and that this can not continue even to the point that she is not welcome in your home at this point. You might have him tell her that the relation is not healthy for either and that it needs to stop. He is 19 so I would confer with him about what this relation is to him and then take steps. She is still a minor so if there friendship is to continue and adult must be present when she is visiting.
A sexual relation at this age is not about love it is about filling a need that both have,
One thing I do not understand as I was a single working parent who always new who was at the house and who was looking after my child or where he was and he played team sports weather I was at woek or at home. He was not allowed to invite girls into his room until he was 19 and he never intorduced me to any of his girl friends unless it was serious.
I think though you are asking if it is normal that an 11 year old and a 14 year old would have sex and the answer is many children engage in sex at 11, but not that that is the majority. My question would be to you why did you allow him to have a girl in his room in the first place? My son certainly was allowed to have friends over girls and boys but they where in the living room or studying at the kitchen table. I think we where open about sex even though I got oh mom... because I had to be the father and the mother so we talked ...
Rasing a boy I mean seriously I had to protect my son from older women set bounndries about youong girls and he was cute so the girls fell all over him which bugged him and had to teach him how to handle all that.
So take a deep breath, some of this is normal and some send me a red flag ( things that make me feel something is not healthy) have a nice tub soake and ask yourself how are you going to handle this now that its in front of you. Take some time to plan and then deal with it without losing any sleep.
I played doctor when I was six and curiosity is always there.. I was sent home and faced some angry parents and my mother cried. The bext day it was like nothing happened but I never played doctor again and did not affect my healthy attitude about building a healthy friendship.
Children do things but they are also children. He is 19 now and has had a lot of freedom. I feel you really need to sit down with him and no matter what he says be the parent not his friend.

 

[Mom2all]

I'd be willing to bet you my right arm that Nina and Red are the same person. Which makes me wonder why the elaborate story line? I believe that if your post starts out untruthful, I'm not wasting my time trying to "help" you.

 

[saffire]

Sex is about 2 percent of a relationship the rest is respect, responsability responding to a persons real needs not sexual it is caring and loving .
wHAT GOALS DO YOU HAVE TO SUPPORT YOU AND YOUR GIRL FRIEND IN THE FUTURE and how is school going for both of you?
Sex is beautiful in a loving relationship and it is respectful.
If my son followed my computer history I would see it as a violation of my privacy. If at the right age I followed my sons computer interaction up to a certain age there would be and where rules.
Looks like you are on your own al lot and raising yourself. You need to focous on what your life is going to look like in a few years and how you are going to get there.
There are some really good adults that you can lean on.
You are niave about the law. Her parents can charge you and your mother can be charged as an accesorry as she knows. You would be the one going to jail so tone down your rebuttle and think about what people are saying.
How do you want this relation to turn out? Do her parents support your relation? I would not but if I was your parent she would not have been allowed to be that close to you. Tou also would not have so much time on your hands because you would be working part time and going to school and probably in sports or something that interests you. You also would be doing some volunteer work . That is what parents get thier children involved in early so you need to parent yourself into a better mode maybe some counciling would help you see the light.
The animation to you may seem like nothing but that is not the problem. It is a moment that stimulates both of you now but what are you going to do when that no longer jump starts your relation.
You also loose enegy when you make love so you are wasting a lot of precious time.
Men either use their minds or their body so start thinking about what real men do. They think about thoer future and how they will achieve thier goals. They look for what stirs thier passion in worlk so they can support themselves and thier loved ones.
Both of you need education you will not always live at home and what kind of homoe will you live in. As she gets older and learns more about life will she lean on you or despise you for robbing her of her innocence. She can charge you years down the road so I would not be so pompice right now.
You have a lot to think about

 

[cybele]

Saffire, I think this thread is 6 months old, and as strangely funny as it was to read, I dont think that OP is coming back... nor her son.

 

[saffire]

Thanks this was so weird. I see where the dates are oops.