My Son's Attachment - harmless or hurtful?...

[ejtilton]

deleted deleted

 

[Trina]

This is an absolutely normal phase of development. Definitely do NOT get rid of it!

Good articles here:
http://pediatrics.about.com/od/infantparentingtips/a/04_loveys.htm[/URL]


http://www.parents.com/parents/story.jsp?storyid=/templatedata/child/story/data/1year_17.xml[/URL]

 

[musicmom]

I'd let him have it. I think children should have something that is just theirs. I felt so calm and peaceful when I had my blanket. Up until I was 26 yrs old. It really helped me through alot and soaked up alot of tears. Let him have it. Nothing bad will come of it. I swear.

 

[ejtilton]

a blanket until you were 26 years old?
I'm glad it helped you - no offense
but that is really what I want to avoid

I sucked my thumb until I was 11 and it was so embarassing until i kicked the habit. I don't want my son to develop habits that are embarassing. He should have other ways of dealing with problems.

 

[Trina]

a blanket until you were 26 years old?
I'm glad it helped you - no offense
but that is really what I want to avoid

I sucked my thumb until I was 11 and it was so embarassing until i kicked the habit. I don't want my son to develop habits that are embarassing. He should have other ways of dealing with problems.

Thumb sucking at 11 is totally different than being attached to a stuffed puppy at 4. Besides, what's embarrassing about a child carrying a stuffed animal? Did you read the articles I posted? Transitional objects are normal and encouraged by child psychologists.

FWIW, both my kids (9 &amp; 11) have special blankets. They no longer carry them around wherever they go, but they <I>do</I> sleep with them every night. I have no problems with that. They'll give them up when they are ready.

Here's a story for you.... One of my former teaching colleagues showed me her wedding pics. Next to her wedding flowers, she held a teddy bear. I asked, "What's the story with the bear?" She laughed and said, "That's Teddy, my special bear who my parents were always trying to get rid of. When I was about 9 or 10, I told them they had better leave Teddy alone or I would walk down the aisle with him when I got married in the future. Well, they never let up about Teddy, so I carried him down the aisle just to spite them! LOL!"

 

[ejtilton]

I wonder if his forming of attachments is preventing him from learning to face his issues. If he feels the need to seek security from something, (especially if he never did before) does it mean that he feels insecure and I need to do something about it?

 

[Trina]

I wonder if his forming of attachments is preventing him from learning to face his issues. If he feels the need to seek security from something, (especially if he never did before) does it mean that he feels insecure and I need to do something about it?

Yes, it means you need to loosen up and let him be a kid. Sorry, but I've never seen a parent be so anti-comfort item. It's NORMAL. Besides, this may just be a temporary thing. My kids often become obsessed with one toy/game/author/subject, etc. for awhile and then move onto something else.

 

[musicmom]

a blanket until you were 26 years old?
I'm glad it helped you - no offense
but that is really what I want to avoid

I sucked my thumb until I was 11 and it was so embarassing until i kicked the habit. I don't want my son to develop habits that are embarassing. He should have other ways of dealing with problems.

omg it's not like I walked around stores with it. It was next to my pillow. Don't you have a favorite set of soft bed sheets? Or a favorite pillow? Losen up. I think you are taking YOUR problems out on your child. Have you tried counseling to see why you think this way? God forbid he gets a favorite toy, are you going to make him throw it in the garbage mommy dearest?? lol

 

[ejtilton]

I guess that could be true - he used to be obsessed with thomas the train.

 

[ejtilton]

I am just concerned because he's never had an attachment that he's wanted to take everywhere. Sometimes he has favorite toys, but he just seemed unusually obsessed with this puppy.

 

[NaNaJennifer]

I wonder if his forming of attachments is preventing him from learning to face his issues. If he feels the need to seek security from something, (especially if he never did before) does it mean that he feels insecure and I need to do something about it?

What issues does a 4 year old have to face other than is he safe and comfortable? As your child grows out of toddler hood he may need some extra comforting, this is a scary time (such as entering into adolecsence can be.) Let him have his stuffed toy, let him sleep with it at night and take it with him whenever he wants. Let him grow at his own pace.

One of this biggest mistakes we parents make is trying to force our kids not to repeat our mistakes. Your thumbsucking is NOT related to your 4 yr old wanting his puppy. He is a completely normal and healthy child it seems. Which means you are doing a great job!!

 

[ejtilton]

okay so I'm pretty sure that this "puppy" is okay for a while. When to draw the line? I assume he'll grow out of it, but how long do you think is normal for a child to have a habit like this?

 

[musicmom]

Why does it have to be a "habit"? Can't he just like the puppy and keep it until he feels like forgetting about it? There is no time limit, there is no book, there isn't any rule book. He's a little boy. Let him be.

 

[NaNaJennifer]

I assume he'll grow out of it, but how long do you think is normal for a child to have a habit like this?

I don't know if anyone knows the answer to this question. I will tell you that when my very young (19) daughter-in-law was giving birth to my grandson, she held her teddy bear that she'd had as a young child. It was a great comfort to her (although it was heart-breaking for me to watch). Even though she hasn't slept w/ the bear since she was a child, she did keep it and I know it helped her through the scare of labor.

Dunno if that helps but I wanted to share that. It's much less likely that a boy will hold onto his toy for that long. Boys tend to regulate each other (that's putting it nicely) and he'll definitely grow out of it in time to grow into a wonderful young man.

He's so lucky to have such a caring and concerned mom!!

 

[jtee]

I also wonder if this would be an issue if was a girl attached to a stuff animal.

It seemed like our 11 year old had some doll she had to have with her at all times for a few months at age 3-4. We never thought a thing about it, and at some point she stopped. Seems pretty normal to me. If anything, a parent interfering with a healthy child's natural development, is bound to cause more problems because the parenting is inhibiting the child from growing and it his\her own rate.

 

[Trina]

It seemed like our 11 year old had some doll she had to have with her at all times for a few months at age 3-4. We never thought a thing about it, and at some point she stopped. Seems pretty normal to me. If anything, a parent interfering with a healthy child's natural development, is bound to cause more problems because the parenting is inhibiting the child from growing and it hisher own rate.

I agree!

 

[Teresa]

Absolutely normal...all three of my children had stuffed animals until they were six or seven years old, and then they just gave them up, all on their own....although both my girls....18 and 15....still keep them on their beds.

 

[musicmom]

My son who's seven got a bear at our church from a missionary. The point was that the bear was attached to a note that said "Johnathan (last name) a sick 5 month old who is suffering from cancer needs prayers. Keep this bear and think of him and send a prayer towards his way.
My son was three when he got that bear and he sleeps with it every night and he remembers why he has it and he still thinks of that little sick boy. I think it shows a boy can have a heart too.

 

[musicmom]

I don't know if anyone knows the answer to this question. I will tell you that when my very young (19) daughter-in-law was giving birth to my grandson, she held her teddy bear that she'd had as a young child. It was a great comfort to her (although it was heart-breaking for me to watch). Even though she hasn't slept w/ the bear since she was a child, she did keep it and I know it helped her through the scare of labor.

Awww, I wish I would have had my blankey at that time. lol

 

[FooserX]

I would just like to say I completely see the original poster's point of view, and I could possibly see myself being in the same position if my son were to act like that.

I get that kids form attachments, but the poster is decribing a neediness to this puppy.

I remember when my brother and I were....probably around 8 or 10...we still had a lot of fun with our stuffed animals. They were our toys...we gave them identities, and they were our friends. lol. Anyway, one day we came home and my dad threw them out! Ugh! We were pretty furious and devastated, but in a week or so I'm sure we had forgotten about it.

I still think it was mean, but I can see where he is coming from. Guys just want their kids to be strong, and being dependent on childish things isn't strong. Crying because the kid can't take it to school isn't strong.

I see both sides.

I have not researched this - this is just my own point of view. My son is 4, and if he was acting like this...I would definitely feel the same way.